How often should you text a girl you like? This is the answer

If you’re wondering how often you should text a girl… then you’re on the right page.

Multiple times per day? Once per day? Even less? Time to find out.

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How often should you text a girl? The short answer

Let’s start with a very general answer to the question how often you should text a girl:

You should text her roughly as often as she texts you. Every woman has a different texting style. This includes a different preference for texting frequency.

Let’s look at this very analytically. Why are you texting her? You’re texting her to create attraction. Gain trust. Which results in her becoming more invested.

Especially in the beginning the simple fact that she is texting you, tells you there is a certain level of interest from her side.

However, if you text too little she might think you’re not interested. And if you text too much, you might seem too invested. Too needy.

(If you think you might have overtexted, check out this article)

So how much should you text a girl you like? There are many subtleties to texting in a way that sparks her interest. And of course it depends on how long you know her and what your status is.

Below you’ll find exactly how to do this texting thing right.

How often should you text a girl on a dating app like Tinder or Bumble?

After texting and dating Tinder matches for years, I found there’s a perfect tempo to text them.

When you start texting your match on a dating app, there are two very important things to keep in mind.

  • You want to get a nice conversational flow going. Some momentum.
  • At the same time, early in the convo, you don’t want to seem too eager.

So how do you balance these two?

First things first. When you get a brand new match, how does it feel? You feel a spike of excitement. Guess what: women feel the same way! Use that excitement, bro! Text Tinder matches ASAP.

And on Bumble, where women have to send the first text, text back sooner than later.)

Now, to get the conversation going, it’s okay to invest a slight bit more with your first few messages. Just so she has something to hook onto.

Once you have some initial interest, try to text about as much as she does.

So how often should you text? Keep an eye out for how often she texts. And how much time is between texts.

Don’t take this too literally though. If she took a day to respond, don’t wait another day to respond to her message. This way you’ll never create any momentum. It is okay to respond quite rapidly since she’s finally on her phone.

However, keep an eye on her overall investment:

  • Are her texts engaging?
  • Does she take the initiative and text you first sometimes?
  • Does she actually put an effort in writing her texts?

Try to keep a balance. If you’re the one that always takes initiative texting first with something new, without her investing or asking anything, then you’re overdoing it.

However, if she’s texting daily and her texts are really engaging, feel free to also text daily.

How often should you text a girl you just started talking to in real life?

There’s a massive opportunity for you when meeting a girl in real life. The challenge here is that you know very little about her. You probably don’t know how busy she is and how much she likes being on her phone.

Maybe she initially thinks you are cute but she is stressed out of her mind. You texting too much might then be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

You can prevent this by applying the following: During the meetup, talk to her about texting. If you’re not the biggest fan of messaging back and forth, then just tell her.

“Hey, just so you know, I’m not much of a texter. So if I seem a bit distant or unexcited it’s just because I’m not often on my phone.”

Of course, you want to find out if she is an enthusiastic texter or not so much. It’s all about the right expectations. And the moment she gives you her contact details is the perfect moment to ask.

So the answer to the question How often should to text a girl you just met is: Text her as much as you told each other you would.

If you didn’t set expectations, than this is your answer: You want to text her quickly, (Don’t wait 3 days!) but not too much. Your goal is to get her to feel positive emotions from you, and to get her on a date.

You already met in real life and hopefully had some laughs, so you don’t have to start all over getting some interest again. The step to meet up again is way smaller than for example meeting up with your Tinder match.

Don’t know what to talk about with your girl? Check out this article:

How often should you text a girl before your first date?

As soon as the date is set, our guideline is this: text her enough to keep her excited. But never text for the sake of texting or getting to know her.

If the date is in a couple of days, you might text her every one or two days up to the date. If you are only meeting up in two weeks, you might text her every three days.

But remember this: If you texted every day very intensely, and all of a sudden your texting changes completely because the date is set, you might lose her.

It’s tempting: Ah we’ve set the date, now I don’t have to invest anymore.

However, she might start to think something is wrong or you’re not that interested anymore. Or you’re not that fun guy she thought you were.

So, make sure to show enough interest. But it’s ok to tone it down a slight bit, just not to risk overtexting her.

How often should you text a girl after the first date?

So you just had a successful date. Congratulations! How long should you wait before you text her? The answer is: less than 24 hours.

The good time you guys had deserves to be acknowledged.

Send her a short and sweet message. This tells her you still feel the same right after the date.

In general, you don’t want to go too hard too soon. Show you’re interested, but don’t all of a sudden become the one that invests way more because you’re too excited.


Women don’t usually want a relationship with a man who wants it even more than her.

She wants to be with a winner. She wants you to be a winner by yourself already. She doesn’t want you to ‘win’ by getting her.

So try not to be overexcited, but don’t go playing games either.

If you just started dating, it’s perfectly normal to text each other every couple of hours.

Want more tips on how to chat with girls on WhatsApp? Check:

How often should you text your girlfriend

”I have no trouble in conversations with my girlfriend but when it comes to texting her I have no clue what to do.”
—Guys with girlfriends

I’ve talked to tons of my readers and coached a good chunk of them. And most guys have a few things in common.

One of those recurring themes is that most guys aren’t big fans of texting. And that’s often a problem. But it doesn’t have to be. If your girlfriend needs the reassurance you are thinking of them, there are many ways you can make that clear.

So here are two pieces of advice:

  • Run into any situation that is weird, funny, exciting, not-everyday-normal? Let her know! Personally, I sent a little Instagram video to my girlfriend of EVERY cute small dog that I run into on the street. Why? I know that they summon a smile on her face and make her unleash a cute iiiiiiii sound. And I can give her that by just whipping out my phone and making a small video. Worth x100. So anytime you run into any situation that could make your girlfriend’s day just a bit better, share it with her!
  • Completely abandon the trial and error approach, and be honest with her. Just tell her how you see texting and ask how she sees it. Ask her, face to face, if she likes to get texted regularly, or is fine with an occasional message. If you are a guy that finds it a massive pain in the ass to text back and forth 20 times per day, then let her know.

If number 2 seems like the better solution for you, then do this IN REAL LIFE. Any serious topics with your girlfriend are discussed face-to-face.

Until you figure out what to do, don’t be a stranger or an alien. Does she text you quite often? Then try to hit her up more often as well.

If you get the feeling she’s not much of a texter herself —And hey, those girls exist too! I know many girls that hardly ever text, let alone look at their phone— be considerate and show that you understand where she’s coming from.

Also, check out this article:

How much should you text a girl if she’s a friend?

Are you talking about normal friends or friends with benefits here? Either way I am going to keep this short.

Friends with benefits where the relationship is based on the physical: Don’t text her often at all. And 90% of your texts will be to arrange your next meetup

Friends that are friends just like your bros Tim and James, but happen to be women: This totally depends on you and your friend. You don’t text all your friends the same amount, do you?

I have a few friends that I text 300 days a year. And I have a whole bunch of friends I text once every few weeks. Some just once every few months.

As with any friend, the pattern will shape itselfIf you sense either of you feels not being seen, address it. Bring it up next time you see her:

Hey, this might be a bit of a strange question but are you happy with how often we text each other? I’m not the best at sensing these things and I’m not the greatest texter in the world, so I thought I’d just ask you 🙂

Signs you’re texting her too little

If she feels you are not texting sufficiently, there is a deeper issue at play. The best way to deal with it is to bring it up.

Signs are every type of attention-seeking behavior that is out of the ordinary. Getting upset for no reason. Bombarding you with needy messages. Or overreacting in every other way.

If she is reassured you care, the neediness will stop. If it doesn’t stop then there is an unbalance in your dynamic. This is an opportunity to look at the deeper issues.

For example: if your partner thinks you’re cheating, and you aren’t, then the two of you need to talk about this. The last thing you need is trust issues and an anxious spouse.

BUT, her need for you attention can also be very healthy and genuine. In that case: show her you care. Just a little bit more effort from your side is going to mean the world to her!

Signs you’re texting her too much

You’ve texted a girl back and forth a couple of times and then she got quiet. In an attempt to keep getting her texts, you shoot her another one. And maybe another… Congratulations, you’ve officially overtexted her. And it feels bad.

Here are three clear signs you’re guilty of overenthusiastic messaging:

  • She doesn’t invest anymore
  • You’re getting one-word answers
  • She makes you wait for a reply

More on overtexting here:


The short answer to how much you should text her is: text her as much and as often as she texts you. This way you’re keeping a healthy balance.

Early in a conversation, especially if you just matched someone on a dating app, you’re allowed to text slightly more to get her attention. But let it go as soon as she hooked on.

In general, the longer you know someone the less you have to text. Because at some point attraction and interest are there, and it’s clear to both of you. So the main reason to text is to set the next date and to keep your connection going.

However, women in general prefer to text more (especially later in your relationship) than men do. So keep an eye out for signals how often she prefers to text. And try to match that.

I hope I covered your exact question somewhere in this article, and maybe taught you something extra along the line.

Thanks for thinking along with me. I’ll see you around.

Louis Farfields

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