Online Dating Coach
Louis Farfields
Feb 28, 2026
Going on a first date and suddenly feeling less confident than usual? You’re not alone. Here’s why that happens, and how to stay relaxed without turning the date into a performance.
In this article:More...Important: I know you're sometimes unsure what to text. So I've put together 10 Texts That Always Work. Copy-paste lines that instantly attract her and make her crave your attention. They work and they are free. Just a small gift to get you started. Enjoy! Click here to get them.
What is confidence?
Confidence isn’t never being nervous or always knowing what to say. It’s trusting yourself even when you feel a bit unsure. You know you might say something awkward, but you’re okay with that.
Why confidence drops on first dates
A first date is rarely just about the person sitting across from you. It almost always hits something deeper. The fear isn’t really, “Does she like me?” It’s, “What does it say about me when the cool, hot girl doesn’t want to date me?”
That’s where the tension comes from.
Suddenly, the date becomes a measurement of how attractive you are and what you’re worth as a person. It’s no longer a meetup, it’s a verdict. So your system goes into survival mode. Your body tightens up, your heart spikes, and your brain hits the panic button.
All this gets in the way of confidence, because confidence only shows up when you’re relaxed.
I've put together 10 Texts that always work. Copy-paste lines that instantly attract her and make her crave your attention. They work and they are free.
Get them for free!How important is confidence for success with women?
Confidence on a date matters because it determines if you can stay yourself.
Without confidence, a date quickly turns into a job interview. You want to make a good impression so you start monitoring how you sit, talk, and come across.
Women pick up on this almost instantly. How? Because you’re slightly too enthusiastic, you fill every silence, and you match her pace and opinions. You’re basically doing everything to avoid difference.
That may sound harmless, but it changes everything. Attraction needs tension. But if you’re trying so hard to make her feel good, she doesn’t really have anything left to contribute. She reckons it doesn’t really matter what she says or does, because you already like her anyway. So the conversation stops feeling interesting to her. She already knows she’s won you over.
So she loses interest.
How does confidence improve things?
If you show up with confidence, you reveal more of your real self, which automatically creates contrast and therefore interest. The more she senses that you’re different, the less certain she is whether you’re truly a match. And it’s exactly this healthy form of uncertainty that pulls her in and sparks her interest.
Its psychologically irresistible to ignore. I call it the Clickbait-Opener. And I made a free video with screen-shot examples on how to use it.
Get it for free!How to develop confidence
Most guys have confidence issues because they worry too much about being liked by her. That worry makes them insecure. Confidence grows when you start caring more about whether you like yourself.
1. Stop thinking about the outcome
Confidence often drops because a date turns into some kind of exam. You’re focused on whether you’re doing well and whether she likes you.
Try to flip it around.
Go into a date with the question, “Am I truly being myself?” Don’t focus on whether you’re seducing her, but on whether you’re real. That takes the pressure off. You don’t have to prove anything, just experience it. The less the outcome determines how you feel, the calmer you become. And that calm is exactly what leads to confidence.
2. Let go of approval
A lot of behavior on dates is actually a search for validation. So you tell more jokes, smile more, or agree a bit faster. Not because you don’t have an opinion, but because you want to feel that things are good between the two of you.
Confidence doesn’t grow by suppressing all of this, but by recognizing the urge. Notice when you say something to get a good reaction.
This isn’t something you should only do on dates, but daily in every social situation. You’ll start to notice how sensitive you are to other people’s approval. And once you’re aware of that, you’ll automatically start adjusting it over time.
It’s important that you first practice being authentic with the people you feel safest with. Otherwise it’s too difficult. In the beginning, that will mainly be family, friends, and colleagues. Only later will it likely be strangers and women on dates.
3. Tolerate awkwardness
Tension and awkwardness isn’t the problem, wanting to solve it is. Filling silences, making jokes, acting extra enthusiastic, those are often attempts to remove discomfort.
Confidence grows when you let that tension exist a little longer instead of brushing it away. It might feel a little weird, but this is what builds strength. It teaches you that you don’t collapse when things are a bit awkward. In fact, you’ll probably see that you can handle discomfort just fine.
That way, tension automatically feels less ‘big’, and you won’t let it change your behavior so easily
4. Build a full life
The bigger the role women play in your life, the the more difficult dating becomes. If everything revolves around that one date, or seducing that mega hottie, dating feels heavy.
Guys with a lot of confidence don’t rely as much on women for meaning. That makes them calmer on dates. It’s not that they don’t care, they definitely do. But because they have enough other great things going on in their lives, rejection doesn’t feel like a catastrophe.
So the richer your life, the less a date has to succeed. That automatically makes you more confident.
5. Reverse the Frame
Don’t go on a date to be chosen, but to see if it ‘clicks’. Don’t just pay attention to whether you like her, but also to how you feel with her.
Do you feel relaxed, curious, yourself? Or tense and insecure? The more you pay attention to how you feel with her, the less it will feel like a job interview. You’re not the only one checking whether it feels right.
You don’t have to want less, you simply need to have higher standards. The fact that she has a nice smile and looks good in a top and high heels shouldn’t be enough for you to be completely sold.
6. Go against the flow
Confidence grows when you notice that you can be yourself without it scaring someone away. It all comes down to safety.
How do you know if your authentic self is welcome? By being real and actually showing yourself. Start by expressing your opinion, or not fully going along with something, “I’m not really in the mood for pizza. Chinese instead?”
Every time you speak up and it’s okay, your confidence increases. You learn that being in contact with someone doesn’t require you to adapt or shrink yourself.
IMPORTANT: Sometimes someone will lose interest because of your authenticity. But that’s not a problem at all. In fact, it’s a good thing because it’s a sign that you’re not a match. That way, you don’t have to waste time on them.
I'm currently letting guys use my personal Profile Checklist for free. It'll turn your boring profile into a magnetic and attractive eye-catcher.
Get it for free!Conclusion
Do you want confidence on dates? Then you have to stop selling yourself. The moment you’re no longer focused on much she likes you, you naturally become more at ease. And from that place of calm, you’ll automatically be more funny, creative, and assertive. Then dates become less of a test and more of a chill hangout.
Sometimes it’ll click, and sometimes it won’t. That says nothing about your value as a person, or about the type of woman you can attract. Even my flirting skills can’t make everyone like me. And that’s completely fine. Your goal shouldn’t be to seduce every woman, but to find a good woman with whom it genuinely feels right.
To help you out, I made my TextGod toolkit. Inside, you’ll find my checklist to build a dating profile that’ll finally get you in touch with those ‘out of your league’-women. And you’ll get my most powerful way to seduce women without being needy.
Sign up for free below and you’ll get it in your inbox right away.
Enjoy.
Blessings,
Louis Farfields
And don't forget your download below ;)
Write a comment