6 Tips to Get Out of the Friend Zone Through Text [Guide]

You like someone, but it seems you’re stuck in the friendzone. That’s painful and you might have no clue how to get out.

No worries. In this article, I will tell you exactly how to get out of the friend zone through text.

In this article:More...

I also made a video on the topic. These 6 texting signs will tell you if you’re in the friendzone:

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3 Reasons why you’re friendzoned

Ever heard of my main man Simon Sinek?

There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.
—Simon Sinek

He’s also the guy that wrote the bestselling book “Start with Why”.

And that’s exactly what I want you to ask yourself: Why did I get friendzoned?

It’s 100% impossible to leave the friend zone if you don’t have a clear answer to this question.

You need to understand precisely WHY she put you there.

And once you know why, you can work towards the solution.

To help you on your way, I’ll give you three of the most common reasons.

1. You’re not flirty

MASSIVE mistake.

When you’re not being flirty over text, chances are you’re… boring.

Guys often have friendzoney convos over text about “How her day was? 🙂 🙂 :)”.

I know you mean this in the best way possible, but it just doesn’t spark the right feelings.

And as an online dating coach, I’ve heard every possible excuse from clients as to why they don’t flirt.

“That’s just not who I am.”

“I don’t want to be a creep and get a negative reaction.”

“I feel like a douche when teasing and touching her.”

And while I believe you mean well, this is simply not how you spark attraction..

Teasing tells her she can have fun with you. It keeps things exciting because you are unpredictable. It conveys social intelligence. And it shows her you are not afraid to take risks. .

You don’t need to be a douche to tease, it can be as simple as:

Did you see the Notebook?

Yes, I did. But unlike most girls, I don’t like that type of movie

You must not have gotten the deeper layers and the impeccable camera work 😉

The fact of the matter is that teasing results in her FEELING things.

Emotions. And without tickling her emotions, you’ll never win her heart.

More on teasing and exactly how to do it, further down the article!

2. You’re hiding your true intentions

If you’re like a lot of guys in the friendzone, you’re not being honest about what you really want.

You are hiding your true intentions. Because you’d love to date her or even be her boyfriend…

…but you’re not open and honest about it. Instead you hide it by being the friendliest, most predictable friend she can have. In hopes that one day she’ll finally see the light.

Finally, she will notice what a nice and great guy you are.

Like a little puppy. Always by her side, never having even barked once. This is probably the #1 shortest route to the friendzone.

There’s nothing more attractive than a guy who knows what he wants, and goes after it. A man who looks the chance of rejection straight in the eye and takes the risk anyway!

In plain sight. No under-the-radar ninja stuff.

3. You don’t just want her, you NEED her

There’s a massive difference between the two. It’s subtle, but this will make the difference between flirty conversation, and being needy.

When a guy and a girl are getting to know each other and one of the two NEEDS the other, it communicates that this person’s life is incomplete.

Without their crush’s company, they just can’t live on. This is something that can be a huge turn-on when your crush already loves you. But not sooner.

Your neediness will affect your behavior. You’ll change every little thing you do to get her approval.

And guess what? Women have a 6th sense that spots this neediness.

Neediness is the devil. Instead, you want to be carefree around her.

Now let’s look at how these friendzone behaviors manifest over text.

Understanding the difference between friendzone and attraction

So let’s take one step back. You’ve just read 3 reasons, 3 types of behavior, that friendzoned you. But if you don’t understand how attraction exactly works, you’ll never make it work.

There are 4 ingredients to getting someone crazily in love with you:

  • Physical attraction: Does she feel attracted to you. The animalistic sexy part.
  • Deep attraction: Does she admire you for what you do and who you are.
  • Surface connection: Can she have fun with you. Is it easy to talk to you.
  • Deep connection: Can she open up emotionally and feel you understand her.

Now initially, to get that first spark going, you need physical attraction and surface connection. That’s sometimes even enough to get her to to sleep with you.

If you want to get more serious, that’s when you add more deep attraction and connection.

The problem is that a lot of guys only focus on the two types of connection and sometimes deep attraction.

However, that’s how you build friendships. Not romantic relationships and attraction.

She feels completely comfortable with you, shares even her deepest secrets, and might even admire you. You think you’re doing great. She even cuddles up to you while you watch a movie.

However, you’re just a good friend. You forgot to build physical attraction.

Why do we forget to build physical attraction?

The biggest reason is that, as a guy, you’re probably already attracted to her physically. Because you like how she looks like. So she doesn’t have to DO anything special for you to like her.

However, for women physical attraction is only for a small part based on your looks. It has way more to do with your behavior: masculine signals like:

  • Do you go for what you want?
  • Do you flirt and play around with her?
  • Are you confident around women?
  • Are you showing your intentions shamelessly (but tactfully)?
  • Do you understand female sexuality?

6 Tips to get out of the friendzone through text

Let me first inject a dose of realism. See, I can tell you exactly how to text and what to text. However, the deeper you are in the friendzone offline, the harder it is to fix it online through text.

If you (almost) never met her in real life, then texting is the way to go.

In any case, I’m going to give you some of my best strategies to get out of the friendzone. Use them through text and offline when you see her.

We’ve already covered what went wrong and how attraction works. Now let’s elaborate on that and make it practical with the following tips.

We’ll explore how you can create more physical attraction and deep attraction.

1. Don’t change overnight

First, you can’t change the way you communicate with her 180 degrees overnight.

She’ll be confused and feel you’re pretending to be someone else.

So, take it slow and build it up. This way it will look as if your interest is slowly shifting from friendly to romantic. Which is way more natural.

2. Start teasing and flirting

The biggest difference between feeling physically attracted and not feeling anything is tension. A playful vibe between the two of you.

You create that by teasing her. Flirting with her. It’s the opposite of creating a connection, so it might be new for you and even scary.

  • Accuse her of something funny
  • Interpret something as if she likes you
  • Tell her she is so typically a [whatever is funny in the context]
  • Make a sexual innuendo joke

All with a lot of fun. So she knows you’re joking.

To learn exactly how to tease and flirt, check out this article:

3. Disagree with her and voice your opinion

To show that you are a man of character and don’t have to suck up to her all the time, start being real with her.

If she says something you don’t agree with, tell her. If you’re having a discussion, actually dare to discuss.

It will show her you have guts and stand for something. It creates deep attraction.

4. Show your boundaries

You don’t always have to do everything the way she wants it. You don’t have to put up with everything, even if she’s being unfair or impolite to you.

If she cancels a meet-up last minute for a bad reason, tell her you don’t like it.

If she starts talking about that guy she secretly likes, tell her politely you don’t feel like hearing it. Propose to do something fun instead.

Show her you value yourself enough to show your boundaries. And that she can’t always have it her way.

5. Touch her

A man that’s comfortable with women, touches them (in non-sexual places).

It shows you’re physical and ‘in your body’.

This tip is of course specifically for when you see her. You can’t touch her online. At least, not physically.

When you walk somewhere and need to go around a corner, steer her by her shoulder.

When you say something, touch the side of her upper arm.

Hug her as a greeting when you meet her.

6. Don’t be afraid to lose her

So far for easy tips. But this one is very important.

If you have little experience with women and also don’t feel completely satisfied with your life, you become needy.

You will feel that you need her. You need her acceptance and attention to feel happy. And although you want more, you’re too afraid to lose her altogether.

This makes you her puppet. It makes all the tips you just read almost impossible to execute.

Therefore you have to get your life together. Make sure you have fun stuff to do. Have some attention from other women. And have friends to hang out with.

This way, you won’t be afraid to lose her. And as a consequence will actually get her.

Note that it’s very healthy to get your life together. It’s not just a trick to not be needy. Having a great life means you have something to offer some lucky woman.

When they get into a relationship with you, your lives will melt together. So your life is just as important as who you are as a person.

Ask her out

Leadership is a necessary ingredient to get (and stay) out of the friendzone. It’s up to you to have a plan. And to take the lead.

In short, it’s up to you to ask her out.

However, keep in mind… Now that you start showing new sides of your personality… give her some time! Time to catch up and get used to the ‘new you’.

You need to convey playfulness and leadership consistently over a period of time to make her a believer.

You can’t implement the previous steps in one day and then ask her out. In your crush’s mind, you have ‘FRIEND’ tattood on your forehead.

If over time you avoid the mistakes that put you there in the first place, then it’s like you’re laser-removing the tattoo.

And this takes time and distance. Not literally per se, but emotionally. Stay away so that the memory of the ‘friendzone you’ can fade.

Exactly how you do that, is something you will find out in this video:

What to do when she doesn’t like you back?

Here’s a powerful psychological principle to work with.

Let me ask you a question about desire here. Have you ever wondered what the main ingredient of desire is? The one thing that desire needs in order to exist?

Now you might be thinking: “Something that you really want?”

And sure, that’s true. But once that thing you desire is there, what is needed in order to crave it?


You can only desire something if you don’t have it. That means your crush can’t desire you when you’re readily available to her at any given moment. Hence, your task right now is to distance yourself.

You’re probably saying to yourself right now: but what am I going to do without her? The answer is: Work on yourself! Become a better version of yourself.

And I’m not saying that right now you are not a guy worthy of love. You can always become a better version of yourself.

As a great man once said: The most attractive thing you can do is have something more important to do in your life than chasing women.

And I can also tell you that there’s not much more attractive than seeing a man evolve into a bigger and better man.

And once life makes the two of you cross paths again, your odds will be better than ever.

FAQ: Should I just confess my feelings for her?

If you are really asking yourself this question, then I already know more about your situation than you think.

Because if you’ve been asking yourself this question, then I know the following:

  • You have probably presented yourself as a friend
  • Or as a friendly colleague or classmate
  • But never as a potential boyfriend.

And that’s why she never got the impression that you like her that way. And that’s an issue.

Because attraction isn’t created by just confessing it.

You saying: “Hey, I really like you. I like you more than a friend.”

This sentence in itself doesn’t necessarily create the right feelings. I’m all for honesty. But confessing your hidden emotions usually creates a heavy atmosphere.

Besides, it’s often a long shot. It’s like throwing tomato and cucumber seeds on the driest ground ever and hoping for them to blossom.

It simply won’t happen. So the answer is no.

No, you should not just confess your feelings to her.

At least not if you are friendzoned or have gotten no indications that she likes you too.


When you are in the friendzone she sees you as a friend instead of a potential lover. That means that you have a certain amount of trust with her. But not enough attraction. This is what you need to build, using the ingredients described in this article.

Phew… That was a lot of words on a very sensitive subject.

I hope this helps you, bro. I really do.

As an extra, download my free 10 Texts That Always Work, it’s a bonus full of fun texting inspiration.

Louis Farfields

And don't forget your download below ;)

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