47 Best Responses To “How Are You?” Texts

Whether you’re busy on dating apps.

Or busy texting your crush.

You often come face to face with the dreaded “How are you?” text.

And you don’t always know the best thing to reply.

No worries.

Here come the 47 best responses to “How are you?” texts.

You’ll discover:

  • A simple line to always get a reply after your answer
  • 47 Most witty, original, and cute responses to “How are you?”
  • The forgotten truth about “How are you?” texts
  • The worst reply to this Tinder ruining question (most people do this!)
  • Lots of flirty lines to make get her interested in meeting you

By the way, do you sometimes get stuck in online conversations? Very frustrating... but there is a simple solution. I created a bonus named The 10 Texts That Always Work, including my favorite text to send when I have gotten her number, an easy message to get her out on a date, and some witty lines to get the conversation going. Download it, it's completely free and easy to use.

Although I’d like to shed some light on why you should reply in a certain way…

…I want to start the article by giving you 10 stealable replies right off the bat.

Once you have a handful of effective ‘How are you’ responses, we’re going to illuminate the why, so you can make your own responses.

Enough chit-chat.

Let’s get into the first 10 replies!

10 Funny answers to a ‘How are you’ text

Just use these text message examples when someone asks how you are:

1. According to my lawyer I don’t have to answer that question

2. Nice and fine like an expensive bottle of wine

3. Flamingly gay, in the old sense of the word

4. Upright and sucking air

5. What’s with the third degree? Am I being detained, officer?

6. I can’t complain. My work contract actually forbids me

7. Why do you ask? Are you a doctor? Because I have this thing on my left butt cheek

8. Ready for a nap

9. Fan-freakin-tas-tic! But dead inside

10. I hear good things. But I don’t think it’s smart to believe rumors

With some of the best answers to “How are you?” out of the way, I want to jump into some context. And after that, I’ll give you 30 more awesome replies to this convo ruining question..

The forgotten truth about ‘How are you?’ texts

Maybe you get the point behind ‘How are you?’, but most people don’t.

And let’s be honest, if you really got it, would you be here?

No shame in not knowing.

It’s an opportunity to learn and grow.

“Yeah, yeah, Louis. Drop the self-improvement mumbo jumbo. Just tell me about that ‘forgotten truth’.”

You got it, my straight-shooting reader.

Although it’s a question, “How are you?” means something other than the literal words.

It’s an idiom.

So what does the phrase mean?

Mostly, it just means: “Hey.”

Over time, “How are you?” has turned into a phrase that starts a conversation.

Just the other day I passed an acquaintance in the gym and our entire conversation went:

“Hey, how are you?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

That was all we said. We didn’t even break stride. We just kept walking.

My point?

“How are you” is a greeting and part of simple chit-chat.

It’s not about the words, but about the intention behind it.

So don’t overthink your answer, unless…

You’re texting.

Read the next tip to find out why.

The worst reply to “How are you?”

We just found out that “How are you?” means something different than its words.

The stranger who tosses that question your way, usually has little interest in knowing how you are.

Which means that the worst response is…

Sharing your feelings.

If the person asking you how you are doesn’t know you, she could care less about how you feel.

She’s just being polite.

So when a stranger on Tinder asks you:

How are you?

Never answer:

Good

Or:

Could be better

That’s a terrible reply.

After all, the goal behind a dating app is to create some kind of fun and flirty vibe.

And if you find that vibe, the next goal becomes meeting up in person.

So 9/10 texts that you send on a dating app, should help you reach one of those goals.

Otherwise, you’re wasting each other’s time.

More importantly, boring replies kill attraction and get your matches to fall asleep because of you… not sleep with you.

That’s why you always want your texts to add value to the conversation.

You usually can’t go wrong with emotionally stimulating texts. Like the 10 replies from earlier.

Don’t know how to write emotionally stimulating texts?

Or could you use some help?

Then grab my 10 Texts That Always Work.

You’ll get:

– Fun answers to boring questions
– Copy-pastable teases
– Easy ways to inject fun into the convo
– And more

Grab the 10 Texts here for free.

So whenever you’re thinking of an answer to “How are you?”

Make sure that it has one of the following traits:

  • Interesting
  • Unexpected
  • Flirty
  • Funny

Does your answer have at least one of the above traits?

Your answer will highly likely trigger her emotions and might even arouse her over text.

Anyway, enough theory.

Let’s give you more of the best responses to “How are you?”.

#11-20: Responses to how are you

If she just sent you:

How are you?

Reply with one of the next gems.

#11: The twist

Good, but I’ll get over it

Following our formula from earlier, this line is unexpected.

And clickbaity.

“Huh, get over what?”

So prepare an answer and see where it takes you.

#12: The sassy

Why you all up in my kool-aid when you don’t even know my flavor?

I really like this line.

It’s a fun metaphor. And it’s overly hostile, which adds to the funny.

That said, you do want to directly follow the kool-aid line up with something sweet so she knows you aren’t serious.

j/k. Just felt like saying something dramatic out of a rom-com, how are you?

#13: The sexual?

Above average and slightly pointing to the left

This line is super ambiguous and can be read in a million ways.

But if you’re on a dating app, she’ll probably read it in a sexual way.

And yet, because it’s so vague, you’re safe.

That said, you do want a solid defense for if it falls the wrong way.

I advise the following text:

You have a very lewd mind

I was talking about my height. I’m 5’9 and have one leg slightly longer than the other

#14: The weird

Fine as frog hair

Not much to say about this one, except that it’s weird.

She may bite and answer:

But frogs don’t have hair?

To which you can say:

It’s so incredibly fine only a select few have this wisdom, [her name]

Or:

Don’t tell that to them, it’s a sensitive subject

#15: The druggy

The acid will kick in any second, so I have a lot to look forward to

Now, I don’t advise you to use this line unless you have a strong feeling the woman you’re texting has a quirky sense of humor, or if you think she does drugs.

Hint: If she goes to festivals, she probably does.

#16: The smart-alecky

How am I doing WHAT?

This is a good line to gauge her sense of humor.

The better her sense of humor, the more she’ll laugh or apologize.

Haha, how are you FEELING

If she’s a bit of a sourpuss, she may something like reply:

Just making conversation

No need to be sarcastic about it

In which case your best option is to diffuse the situation and instantly start a new topic.

#17: The unambitious

I dunno. Is it almost the weekend?

A line I really only recommend for my younger readers.

Say, students who can’t wait for a crazy party or have a sucky temp job.

If you’re a mature adult, hating your job is a major turn off.

Because you really have no one to blame for your career mistakes but your own.

Your career I can’t help you with, but in this article, you can prevent at least 10 of your future texting mistakes.

#18: The childish

It’s a secret

Hehehe, this takes me back to the playground.

Which is why it’s so fun.

You’re acting as if she’s dying to know your feelings and it’s too valuable to share.

Anyway, this playful vibe will attract girls to you like flies to honey.

#19: The game show

Pass. Next question, please

Another brilliant line.

By passing, you’re playfully rejecting her attempt to start a convo.

As if saying, “Giiiiiiiiiirl, you need to do better than this.”

And because it’s so silly, she likely won’t see it as an insult.

#20: The political

Not so good, but I plan on lying at my press conference

There’s a ton of ways to interpret this, but one thing is clear:

It’s jokey.

And making a girl laugh over text is sometimes all that matters.

Because wouldn’t you want to date someone who is light-hearted and has fun and unique answers to standard questions?

Exactly.

She does too.

When your reply to “How are you?” is meh

Sometimes your reply to “How are you?” will be lackluster.

Unless, of course, you’re using my lines.

In which case your answers will be dynamite!

But still…

Sometimes they won’t get you an answer.

Why?

Because as you may have already noticed, some of the above lines don’t really lead to a clear reply.

Take this example:

How are you?

Nice and fine like an expensive bottle of wine

What can a girl on Tinder realistically answer here?

“Haha” is probably the best you can expect.

Does that mean the wine-line is bad?

No.

It’s still unique and interesting enough to set you apart from the rest. And make her interested in you.

So if you don’t need to replace the line with something else, what should you do?

Add another text to lead the conversation down a different path.

Which could be anything.

The possibilities are seriously endless.

That’s why I made an article with over 70+ questions to ask your crush, and another article with 103 things to talk about on Tinder and Whatsapp.

Not in the mood to read? No problem.

Sit back and check out my video on what to say on Tinder:

Now for more stealable lines to “How are you?”

Responses #21-47 to “How are you?”

Buckle up, Bucko.

Because this is the final stretch.

27 effective lines coming your way!

#21: The Yoda

Good, I am

This line makes use of a golden principle:

You can never go wrong by upgrading a classic.

Saying you’re ‘good’ doesn’t add anything to the convo.

But if you pretend to say it like Yoda, it suddenly becomes playful and fun.

Adding a GIF doesn’t hurt either. (Yes, the above image is a still to save your precious bandwidth. You’re whale-cum.)

#22: The fantastical

Hunting zombies. You?

This line is good for three reasons:

  1. It shows that you can use a boring question to tell something interesting about yourself
  2. It’s unexpected
  3. It easily leads to a follow-up

What’s the follow-up?

Well, she’s likely to go:

But there are no zombies

You’re welcome

#23: The real

Strikes and gutters, m’lady

I like this line because it reminds me of old ‘folksy’ wisdom.

Well, except for the m’lady part. I just added that for some extra zest.

Plus, it shows confidence.

You’re not being a people pleaser, but telling it as it is.

Which is a valuable rarity nowadays.

#24: The blessed

Best Thursday (or whatever day it is) of my life

Having a great day?

No need to hide it.

In fact, share it with the world. (And your Tinder match or real life crush.)

Because everyone loves happy and positive people.

#25: The chilly

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra

Okay, slow down.

If you’re a non-American, you probably think this reply is nuts.

Heck, if you’re an American you may think this line is nuts.

But it’s actually a legit saying. So it’s safe.

And I like it as an answer because it mentions tits and bras, hehehe.

Although I wouldn’t ever use it unless it’s cold outside.

#25: The sarcastic

No one has asked me that in years!

If you’re on a dating app, hearing “How are you?” gets a little stale.

So instead of yelling, “Really? That’s the best you got? Grow a personality already!”

You hit her with some old fashioned sarcasm.

And to keep it playful, you add a gif of two people hugging.

Basic stuff. But it works.

#25: The sad soldier

Oh terrible, but I’m used to it

Everyone’s life looks like it’s falling apart these days.

So owning it doesn’t seem like a bad choice.

In fact, I think people will give you the classic nod of understanding from behind their phones.

As if to say, “I know just what you mean…”

*holds back tears*

Anyway, this reply could seriously help you build some rapport.

Just don’t make the convo any heavier than this.

#25: The “I’ve been places you wouldn’t believe”

Do you want the short or long version?

What I like about this reply, is that it gives the other person an option:

  • No thanks, I was just making small talk
  • Hmm… you’ve piqued my interest. Let me hear it!

She more than likely won’t express herself like that, but you catch my drift.

Another bonus is that you can easily jazz up the convo, no matter what she goes for.

Does she want the long answer?

Give her an entertaining story.

Does she want the short answer?

Hit her with something unexpected.

She’s obviously expecting a ‘good’, ‘bad’, or ‘fine’. So throw her a curveball:

I have a tummy ache from holding in my farts

Sorry, that joke was just for me. Don’t send her that. But do go for something else a bit out there.

Perhaps:

I just came out of the upside down

Or simply pick one of the other 40 replies to “How are you?”

No need to come up with something yourself if you don’t need to.

#26: The closet hider

Living a life of denial and suppressed homosexuality

I know some of you probably don’t like to joke around about this.

But ghey jokes are a favorite of my friends and me.

In my opinion, it shows how comfortable you are in your own skin. And chicks dig that.

Plus, it shows you aren’t closed-minded.

Which is another attractive trait.

Did someone take it the wrong way?

No problem. Because who cares if someone thinks you take it up the batty?

#26: The dreamer

Living the dream, so far it’s a nightmare

As I said earlier, most good answers to “How are you?” trigger emotions by being unexpected.

This is a prime example of a twist.

Now you can either end on your punchline and wait for her reply. Or instantly go down a different route.

If you wait, she’ll probably answer something like:

Haha, explain

So unless you have a nightmare story at the ready, I’d advise to continue about another topic.

#27: The relativist

You first, so we can compare

Probably best suited for people with philosophical minds.

After all, how can you know how ‘good’ you’re doing without knowing how everyone else is doing? You need a baseline to compare yourself to.

Yeah, pretty brainy. It’s not my favorite either.

But here at TextGod we don’t judge.

So if you like it, more power to ya.

#28: The paranoid

Why? What are people saying about me?? Is it bad???

This one cracks me up.

If you’ve ever smoked the Devil’s lettuce, you’ve probably gone through a bout of paranoia.

Here we take that to the extreme.

There’s just one flaw, being suspicious is not particularly attractive. So she better instantly get it’s a joke, or you may lose her interest.

So if you want to use this line successfully, you can’t have a dating profile where you look like a nerdy, insecure, goofball.

The more confident and masculine you look, the better.

Holy Tip:

Have you never considered what your photos may be saying about you?

And don’t you know whether you look: nerdy, confident, sweet, masculine, and so on?

Then you have a problem.

You could be sending the wrong message and scaring off the women that you like so much.

To find out what your dating photos are saying about you, check out my Dating Profile Checklist.

Click here and get it for free.

Talking about confidence, check out the next answer.

#29: The confident

Incredibly good looking

You know what the best thing is about this reply?

It doesn’t even make any sense.

How are you?

Incredibly good looking

lol, okay

But although it doesn’t make sense, it does its job.

Because this answer screams confidence. And maybe a little arrogance, so be sure to dial it down later in the convo.

Point is, most women will be intrigued by a man who feels so good about himself, if…

…his photos don’t make him look like a complete douchenozzle.

So if you’re a juiced up fuckboi, this line is no bueno.

Do you have a more balanced out profile?

This line is golden.

#30-36: Mentor Program Pride

So far, every line was a brain baby of mine or my TextGod team.

The reasoning being: we don’t want to give you anything but the best.

But lately, I’ve run into stiff competition. (That’s what she said, hehe.)

Competition that I’m super proud of.

Why?

Because the competition is coming from the mentees that I’ve coached over the past months.

As of late, my students are coming up with lines that rival my own.

Filled with a new sense of pride, I want to show off some of their work.

Here come 7 home-made lines my mentee uses to answer the dreaded “How are you?” question. #TextGodpride

#37: The rationalist

Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human

We already talked about it earlier, “How are you?” via text is often a polite way of saying:

“I don’t have much to say. Maybe you can come back with something better.”

The above response is a way of saying:

“Yehhhh… How about you try again with a little more effort.”

Atleast, it could be understood like that.

You can also read it as an invitation to do a comedy routine where you’re both super brainy and dry.

How are you?

Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human

I liked your response so much, here is a vital organ being wounded

💘

Try it out and see how she reacts.

#38: The sexualizer

In bed??? What a lewd way to start a conversation!

A prime example of turning the tables.

As you well know, usually it’s the guy trying to woo his way into a girl’s panties.

Which is why it’s so fun to reverse the roles and make it seem like she’s the sexual deviant.

The beauty of this line?

If she likes you, she’ll answer something like:

What can I say, I’m a lewd lady 😏

Then you’ve hit the jackpot. All you have to do now is play it cool.

If she isn’t as receptive (but does reply), you simply continue as usual.

#39: The random

The doctors said I’ll make it

Kind of seems lackluster in comparison with the rest, right?

I agree.

It’s not amazing, so let’s get you an answer that is!

#40: The flirty

*puts on sexy voice*

How do you want me to be?

Yes, three texts seems like a big investment.

But I don’t think it is.

It costs little effort to type out and isn’t particularly brainy, so it doesn’t seem like it cost you a lot of time to invent.

Anyway, much more important is that this answer instantly sets the tone you want when texting your Tinder match or real life crush!

It’s flirty!

And will much more easily lead to talk about dates.

#41: The unsure

Somewhere between blah and meh

Not much to comment besides that this is more fun than saying:

Not so good

So if you go with this reply, definitely follow up with another topic so that you’ll increase the odds of getting a reply.

#42: The memer

I hate to say it, but sometimes a picture says more than a thousand words.

With that generic horseshit out of the way…

Yes, memes are fun!

And will often trigger more emotions than a clever line with even less effort.

So I’m a big fan.

The only drawback about memes, is that you can’t use them on every dating app.

It’s better suited for texting platforms like Whatsapp, Instagram, and Facebook.

Tldr; grab this meme and a few others. It’s a solid way to get a girl to laugh.

#43: The misinterpreter

Enough with the flattery, (name)

You’re making me blush

A slight, but playful push.

She’s obviously not flattering you in any way.

But you’re hinting that you don’t want any more of this basic bullshit.

Without using the word bullshit.

#44: The flirty misinterpreter

How am I? That’s the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard 😛

There’s no beating around the bush with this answer.

You think she’s flirting with you, and she’s doing a bad job.

I like it, because women don’t get challenged enough during the seduction process.

So this response gets her to roll up her sleeves and put in a little extra effort.

Which gives you the chance to unwind.

#45: The smooth talker

You are such a smooth talker

I bet you say that to all the guys, player

If sarcasm had explosive properties, we just blew up the planet.

BUT… because your answer is so flirty, it doesn’t matter.

She’ll probably overlook the sarcasm and match the vibe you’ve set.

What can I say… I’m good with words 😉

#46: The bad flirt

Still single, in case you were wondering 🥴

A pretty basic and bad flirt.

But it can still work. Especially in the next two situations:

  1. You’re hot AF
  2. She’s already showed major interest in you

If you look like a work of art, I doubt you’re reading this article. So the first situation probably doesn’t apply to you.

But the second should.

Ever heard of a Super Like?

Holy Tip:

Do you never get Super Likes?

Odds are your dating profile is sub par.

To get a bulletproof profile that gets you Super Likes, check out my dating profile checklist.

It’ll point out the weaknesses in your profile and tell you how to fix them.

Get it here for zero dollars.

If you get a Super Like, she’s definitely interested.

Which makes for a great opportunity to use this line.

Because it’ll probably lead to her saying:

I’m glad to hear it, so tell me a little about yourself

She could honestly reply a zillion things, but she’ll most likely agree and show that she is in fact into you.

Which means seducing her will be like taking candy from a baby.

#47: The rude

Worse now that I know my Tinder crush is super boring

Oof.

Pretty harsh.

But I still think it’s a great line.

Do you know why?

Because it’s both a push AND a pull.

You call her ‘super boring’ (the push) and your ‘Tinder crush’ (the pull) in the same sentence.

Which triggers LOTS of emotions. And will definitely elicit a good response.

Such as:

Hahah, well what do you expect! I don’t know anything about you!

But believe me, I’m far from boring 😉

Anyway, bro, that was the 40th and last response to “How are you?”

Which means that we’ve reached the end of today’s article.

Before I sign off, I have one last gift to give you.

The opener that no woman can resist.

Grab it down below by hitting the big yellow button.

Enjoy.

Blessings,
Louis Farfields

For more tips, check out these articles:

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