47 Best Responses To “How Are You?” Texts

Whether you’re busy on dating apps. Or busy texting your crush.

You often come face to face with the dreaded “How are you?” text.

And you don’t always know the best thing to reply.

No worries. Here come the 47 best responses to “How are you?” texts.

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Funny responses to “How are you” texts

Just use these funny text message examples when someone asks how you are:

  • According to my lawyer I don’t have to answer that question.
  • Nice and fine like an expensive bottle of wine.
  • Flamingly gay, in the old sense of the word.
  • Upright and sucking air.
  • What’s with the third degree? Am I being detained, officer?
  • I can’t complain. My work contract actually forbids me.
  • Why do you ask? Are you a doctor? Because I have this thing on my left butt cheek.
  • Ready for a nap.
  • Fan-freakin-tas-tic! But dead inside.
  • I hear good things. But I don’t think it’s smart to believe rumors.
  • Good, but I’ll get over it.
  • Fine as frog hair. [If she says they don’t have hair] It’s so incredibly fine only a select few have this wisdom.
  • The acid will kick in any second, so I have a lot to look forward to.
  • I dunno. Is it almost the weekend? [Btw, if you’re a mature adult, hating your job is a turn-off]
  • Not so good, but I plan on lying at my press conference

Flirty responses to “how are you” texts

If you want to reply in a flirty way to a “how are you” text, send any of these:

  • Enough with the flattery, [her name]. You’re making me blush!
  • How am I? That’s the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard 😛
  • Why you all up in my kool-aid when you don’t even know my flavor? [2nd text] j/k. Just felt like saying something dramatic, how are you?
  • Above average and slightly pointing to the left. [If it falls the wrong way] You have a very lewd mind. I was talking about my height. I’m 5’9 and have one leg slightly longer than the other.
  • How am I doing WHAT? [If it doesn’t land well, diffuse the situation and start a new topic]
  • You’re such a smooth talker. I bet you say that to all the guys, player.
  • In bed??? What a lewd way to start a conversation! [If she’s receptive, you’ve hit the jackpot.]
  • Strikes and gutters, m’lady.
  • *puts on sexy voice* How do you want me to be? ;))))))))) [Be sure to exaggerate with your emoticons or emojis]
  • No one has asked me that in years! Thank you for caring! 🤗🤗
  • Living a life of denial and suppressed homosexuality. You?
  • Incredibly good looking. [Don’t use this line if you’re a juiced up fuckboii, it’s best if you’re more normal looking]
  • Pass. Next question, please.

Pickup lines to reply to “How are you” on Tinder (and other dating apps)

These next pickup lines are great examples created by my students from The Mentoring Program. #TextGodPride

They right away send the right vibe to your Tinder match in a fun and not to agressive way.

  • Just got back from a run, so looking extra fit for our date.
  • Just got back from the gym, so feeling like a sexy beast now.
  • Met up with an old friend. He thinks you should date me.
  • Met with a buddy of mine. We poured over your Tinder photos.
  • Good. I spent every minute of this day planning our coffee hangout.
  • I cooked a bomb-ass lasagna. And I’m too greedy to share it with you ;).
  • Just finished a book on [insert topic] and am feeling mega smaht.

Other good replies to “how are you”

  • Good, I am *insert Yoda noises*
  • Hunting zombies. You? [If she says there are no zombies] You’re welcome.
  • Best Thursday (or whatever day it is) of my life.
  • Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra [I wouldn’t use this unless it’s cold outside.]
  • Oh terrible, but I’m used to it. [Just be sure to keep the conversation playful]
  • Do you want the short or long version? [Whatever she says, go with this after] I just came out of the upside down.
  • Living the dream, so far it’s a nightmare. [She’ll probably ask why, here’s a potential answer] My morning toast fell on the ground, jelly side down ;(
  • You first, so we can compare.
  • Why? What are people saying about me?? Is it bad???
  • Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human.
  • The doctors said I’ll make it.
  • Somewhere between blah and meh.
  • It’s a secret.
  • Still single, in case you were wondering 🥴[Only works well when she’s already clearly into you]
  • Worse now that I know my Tinder crush is super boring 🌚
  • [If you can send photos]

Treat ‘How are you?’ texts as a greeting

Although it’s a question, “How are you?” means something other than the literal words. It’s an idiom. So what does the phrase mean?

Mostly, it just means: “Hey.”

Over time, “How are you?” has turned into a phrase that starts a conversation.

Just the other day I passed an acquaintance in the gym and our entire conversation went:

“Hey, how are you?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

That was all we said. We didn’t even break stride. We just kept walking.

My point?

“How are you” is a greeting and part of simple chit-chat. It’s not about the words but about the intention behind it.

So don’t overthink your answer.

Holy Tip:

Have you never considered what your photos may be saying about you?

Then you’re missing out on high-quality matches.

After all, every photo has its own vibe. So you may look: nerdy, confident, sweet, masculine, and so on.

Give the wrong idea about yourself and you might be scaring off women that are your perfect type.

To find out what your dating photos are saying about you, check out my Dating Profile Checklist.

Click here and find out how to attract your ideal Tinder match.

The worst reply to “How are you?”

We just found out that “How are you?” means something different than its words.

The stranger who tosses that question your way usually has little interest in knowing how you are.

This means that the worst response is…

Sharing your feelings.

If the person asking you how you are doesn’t know you, she could care less about how you feel.

She’s just being polite.

So when a stranger on Tinder asks you:

How are you?

Never answer:



Could be better

That’s a terrible reply.

After all, the goal behind a dating app is to create some kind of fun and flirty vibe.

And if you find that vibe, the next goal becomes meeting up in person.

So 9/10 texts that you send on a dating app, should help you reach one of those goals. Otherwise, you’re wasting each other’s time.

More importantly, boring replies kill attraction and get your matches to fall asleep because of you… not sleep with you.

That’s why you always want your texts to add value to the conversation.

You usually can’t go wrong with emotionally stimulating texts. Like the 10 replies from earlier.

Holy Tip:

Don’t know how to write emotionally stimulating texts?

Or could you use some help?

Then grab my 10 Texts That Always Work.

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– Fun answers to boring questions
– Copy-pastable teases
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So whenever you’re thinking of an answer to “How are you?”

Make sure that it has one of the following traits:

  • Interesting.
  • Unexpected.
  • Flirty.
  • Funny.

Does your answer have at least one of the above traits?

Your answer will highly likely trigger her emotions and might even arouse her over text.

When your reply to “How are you?” is meh

Sometimes your reply to “How are you?” will be lackluster.

Unless, of course, you’re using my lines.

In which case your answers will be dynamite!

But still… Sometimes they won’t get you an answer.

Why? Because as you may have already noticed, some of the above lines don’t really lead to a clear reply.

Take this example:

How are you?

Nice and fine like an expensive bottle of wine

What can a girl on Tinder realistically answer here?

“Haha” is probably the best you can expect.

Does that mean the wine-line is bad?

No. It’s still unique and interesting enough to set you apart from the rest. And make her interested in you.

So if you don’t need to replace the line with something else, what should you do?

Add another text to lead the conversation down a different path.

Which could be anything.

The possibilities are seriously endless.

That’s why I made an article with over 70+ questions to ask your crush, and another article with 103 things to talk about on Tinder and Whatsapp.

Not in the mood to read? No problem.

Sit back and check out my video on what to say on Tinder:

Holy Tip:

Do you never get Super Likes?

Odds are your dating profile is subpar.

To get a bulletproof profile that gets you Super Likes, check out my dating profile checklist.

It’ll point out the weaknesses in your profile and tell you how to fix them.

Get it here for zero dollars.

Anyway, bro, that was the 40th and last response to “How are you?”

Which means that we’ve reached the end of today’s article.

Before I sign off, I have one last gift to give you.

The opener that no woman can resist.

Grab it down below by hitting the big button.


Louis Farfields

And don't forget your download below ;)

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  • Eimert says:

    Hey Louis,

    A close related question is: “What did you do today?”

    Do you have an article about this, or could you write one?

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