How To Tinder: The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide To Tinder In 2020

You want to meet women online, but need some guidance.

You came to the right place!

Today’s article teaches you exactly how to Tinder.

Read on and get:

  • 4 Quick tips for an attractive Tinder photo that gets matches
  • The best way to grab her attention and match her
  • The best opener to break the ice and get her reply (+ example!)
  • How to lead your match to the date
  • The formula for a winning bio (+2 original and STEALABLE bios)
  • 3 Easy steps to be more attractive through text
  • The BEST first date advice you’ve ever read

By the way, do you sometimes get stuck in online conversations? Very frustrating... but there is a simple solution. I created a bonus named The 10 Texts That Always Work, including my favorite text to send when I have gotten her number, an easy message to get her out on a date, and some witty lines to get the conversation going. Download it, it's completely free and easy to use.

#1: The DOs and DON’Ts of Tinder photos

A quick series of tips to let you make an attractive set of Tinder photos.

1.    Don’t use selfies

Over 90% of selfies suck.

Studies show that women have little trust in men with generic selfies.

But not all selfies are equal.

If you know what makes a photo appealing, your selfie can earn you lots of matches.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

If you want to wow the ladies with your selfies, you must first know how to keep them from gagging.

Here are three reasons why selfies cost you matches:

  1. Selfies create a bad first impression. “Doesn’t he have friends?” “Doesn’t he go to places where other people can take his picture?” “Is he in love with himself?”
  2. Selfies are staged and unnatural. Spontaneous photos always look best.
  3. Selfies distort your face up to 30%.

No selfies is only the start of the Tinder profile how-to.

Next up…

2.    Tell good stories

I’m going to tell you the most overlooked insight about Tinder.

Everyone understands the goal of a dating profile:

Attract quality matches.

But nobody knows how.

Sure, we have a vague idea.

“Create an attractive profile.”

But what does that even mean?

Photos where you show off your Model S Tesla?

9 close-ups of your chiseled body?

Or a single snapshot of your gaming setup?

 

None of the above.

The point of your profile is to give women a sneak peak of your life.

To give them a taste of what being with you is like.

Because that’s exactly what Tinder should be leading to… a real life date!

If all 9 of your Tinder photos are headshots of you, she has NO clue who she’s about to invite into her life.

She only knows what you look like.

And if you don’t look like Ryan Gosling, odds are she won’t Like you.

So what do you do?

You shoot photos that tell stories.

Let’s give you an example.

A shot of you and your pooch.

What’s the story?

  • You’re friendly.
  • You’re caring.
  • You’re responsible.

What can another photo say about your life and personality, and make her want to join you?

A photo of you surfing? A shot of you in a roller coaster? A close-up of you on Mt. Fuji?

Take your pick.

3.    Don’t forget about contrast

Pictures where you blend into the background make her reject you.

That’s no exaggeration.

Neurological research shows that the more her brain has to work to process your photo, the more likely she’ll toss your profile in the Tinder trash.

Blending into the background like a chameleon is bad for your matches.

How do you increase your matches?

By upping the contrast.

Compare the next two Tinder photos.

Murky grey vs. bright and colorful.

Which of the two steals your attention?

Obviously the second one.

But do you also feel how the right image is more pleasant to look at?

You can create a similar effect.

Either stand in front of a contrasting background, or edit your snapshots with a photo editor like Photoshop.

Then play around with the brightness and saturation settings.

The goal is to make your image bright and colorful, without seeming fake.

4.    Do use a high quality camera

The most important factor for more matches is the quality of your photos.

Nobody wants to look at the rest of your profile if you can count every pixel.

Quality doesn’t just make your photos nicer to look at.

It makes you seem more mature and more successful.

Ideally, you want to aim for a DSLR camera. A photography staple.

If you know anything about cameras, you know a decent DSLR costs around $300.

Luckily, cell phone cameras have come a long way since the 1.0 megapixel.

So the latest smartphone does the trick too.

Don’t own a good phone or DSLR?

Ask a friend or start saving.

Now onto your most important Tinder photo.

#2: The Tinder photo that gets her attention

When it comes to getting matches, the world’s best Tinder photos will still fail…

…if your first photo sucks.

Harsh, but understandable.

Would you try a meal if it looked like a freshly squeezed cow pie?

Of course not.

Similarly, she won’t look at the rest of your album if your first photo makes you look like a potato.

Your first photo does one of two things:

  1. Raise interest and convince her into checking the rest of your photos.
  2. Repel her.

You obviously want to grab her attention.

So where do you start?

Firstly, you want to avoid the following:

  • Group photos (save that for later).
  • Sunglasses covering your eyes.
  • Hiding yourself in the background. You’re not Waldo.

That obviously gives you a lot of freedom to create your first photo.

For more guidance, I called science.

And got directions to a study on the most attractive profile photo done by Dutch neuroscientists.

The conclusion?

Don’t make her think.

Here’s how:

  • A headshot, starting from your pecs.
  • A quiet background with no distractions.
  • A clear contrast between you and the background.

To help you out, here are two good examples of an attractive first photo.

What’s especially nice about these two images is the background.

It’s not a boring wall or a busy background.

And as far as the crop is concerned…

Feel free to show a bit more of your chest.

You can also experiment with looking away from the camera, and your smile. Do you look better with a smirk or showing your teeth?

If you want to know more about creating an attractive first photo, check out my article with online dating tips for guys.

#3: How to Tinder swipe

If you’re new to Tinder, the next insight may surprise you…

…but it can make or break your Tinder success

Liking a profile does not automatically lead to a conversation.

Tinder uses the mutual-like system.

Only once you both Like each other, does Tinder give you the opportunity to send texts.

New to dating apps?

Let me show you how to swipe on Tinder.

When you open Tinder, the app automatically brings you to the swipe stack.

A stack of profiles filled with cuties.

Every profile shows a photo with the person’s name, age, and distance from your location. Below that there’s the bio.

Don’t like what you see?

Tap the red X or swipe left.

Like what you see?

Hit the green heart or swipe right.

Smitten by the face of an angel?

SUPER Like her with the blue star.

Holy Tip:

When you’re new to Tinder, it’s tempting to swipe everyone right.

Don’t.

Liking every girl sends Tinder a bad message:

  • You’re a bot.
  • You have no standards and are probably desperate.

What does Tinder do to users with a broken Nope button?

The app buries you under a mountain of other profiles where you’ll never be found.

In short, swiping everyone leads to no matches.

So be selective.

After you Like a bunch of profiles, it’s time to wait for the match.

Apply the tips from this article, and you’re sure to get them.

Don’t know how to send a message to your Tinder match?

Simply click the red text bubble at the top of the screen.

And press on her photo.

But be careful.

Mess up your opener and she may never reply.

Read the next tip and see how other men failed at Tinder chat.

#4: Most common Tinder chat blunders

Study the mistakes of your Tinder competition and successfully lead your conversation to the date.

Most men, bless their hearts, are bad texters.

What do these gentlemen get wrong?

They’re boring.

Which is the biggest Tinder mistake.

Even if she texts first, a boring answer is enough to put the conversation to rest.

Forever.

Just take a look at the next Tinder convo:

Don’t recognize the blue texts as boring?

Let me help you see the light with a question:

Does “Hey, how’s your day been?” make you FEEL anything?

Probably not.

And that’s bad.

Most women on Tinder get bombarded with texts.

The prettier she is, the messier her inbox.

Your job is to smash through the mess and grab her attention.

The best way to do it?

An emotionally charged text.

If your opener triggers an emotional response, you create interest.

The more emotion your message sparks, the more likely you are to get a reply.

And that’s all you want.

Do you now see why our friend got no answer to his “Hey how are you?”

Because her entire Tinder inbox is littered with the SAME message.

So how do you write a successful first Tinder message?

Read that in the next tip.

#5: How to write an opener that gets a response

The next tip reveals how to write a Tinder message that creates attraction.

The average woman on Tinder gets dozens of first texts a day.

Thanks to that wealth of male interest, women are picky.

If you want to grab her attention, “Hey, what’s up?” doesn’t cut it.

It’s overused.

What about a compliment?

Love your hair, Lora

Still cliché.

If she has flaming red curls, 9 out of 10 guys will applaud her hair.

Which CAN get a reply.

But your compliment earns you the same points as the guys who admired the same thing.

Which is fine, if your looks earn you another 100 points.

But if you’re not built like Action Man, you need to stand out with an exciting opener.

An opener she hasn’t heard before.

So scratch superficial compliments off your list of Tinder icebreakers.

You want to charm her with the personal opener.

After matching, carefully study her bio and photo album.

And note anything that sticks out to you, that is NOT her looks.

Doesn’t matter how small.

  • Whether it’s a decoration on her wall.
  • A drink in her hand.
  • Or a place you’ve visited yourself.

Just yesterday a client asked me to come up with a good Tinder opener for his new Tinder match.

As I went over her profile, the next photo stood out to me:

I instantly knew what I liked about her.

All I did next was put my thoughts into words:

You’re the first person I’ve seen who has a living room with the floor of a toilet

I LOVE it

This icebreaker is good for three reasons:

  • It’s probably the first time anyone has mentioned her floor (instead of her looks)
  • It leads the conversation to fun
  • It ignores her very obviously hot body and sets you apart from the rest

When you don’t know what to say, scan her profile.

On the subject of the profile…

When we discussed the Tinder profile how-to, we skipped a crucial part.

The bio.

Find out how to create a good Tinder bio in the next tip.

#6: How to create a great Tinder bio

After this tip, you’ll know how to write a dynamite Tinder bio that gets women to text YOU.

(Or you can steal two bios that I just wrote.)

Maybe you don’t care who sends the first message.

As long as you start a conversation, right?

Not completely.

A study by OkCupid says that the odds of a date are 150% higher when the woman texts first.

So bios are important.

Which a 2016 study confirms.

Men with a bio get 4 times more matches than dudes without.

So what type of bio moves a girl to message you first?

A bio that has enough intrigue and triggers excitement.

What does NOT check any of these boxes?

A copy-pasta bio.

Why?

Chances are she’s seen it.

At which point the bio loses its mojo.

Even if she hasn’t seen the bio before, I recommend you use your own material.

Your match Liked you based off your profile.

If she eventually goes out with you and sees you’re nothing like your profile, it’s a done deal.

No sparks, no kisses, no second date.

So how do you write a bio that blows her away?

  1. Keep it short. About 2 sentences or 140 characters.
  2. Don’t write words, paint images.
  3. Be quirky. Weird may scare off some women, but turns on others.

Holy Tip:

Lengthy Tinder bios can also work.

The reason I caution you against length is simple.

The more you write, the bigger the chance for errors.

Whether it’s spelling mistakes or boredom.

Two things you want to avoid at all costs.

Next, pick a subject.

I recommend these two:

  • What type of girl you’re looking for.
  • A personal trait that best describes you.

Let me give you an example.

I like girls who are smart, enjoy my weird jokes and has some depth to her.

But this bio example sounds quite boring, so let’s improve it!

I’d write something like:

Looking for a girl who can beat me at Scrabble, who can be the Monica to my Chandler, and doesn’t take 69 selfies a day.

Now for a bio that describes yourself.

Don’t just say you like “humor”, because everyone does. It’s better to show your humor.

For example:

My biggest struggle in life is waking up at night with a full bladder. And deciding if I should go to sleep or get up and pee.

10 feet tall.

As you can see, the first bio is more quirky than the second.

If that resonates with you, feel free to steal them. But keep in mind that a Tinder bio that matches your personality is always best.

A bio that clashes with your personality may get you more matches.

But those matches will most likely not lead to a date, because you don’t meet her expectations.

Did my bios make your face look like you just a bit down on a lemon? Write your own.

With the bio out of the way, we arrive at the Tinder conversation.

How do you write fun Tinder messages?

#7: How to send attractive Tinder messages

In the next 3 minutes, you’ll discover the trick behind Tinder texts that make her excited to meet you.

Whether it’s online or offline, the biggest turn off for women is try-harding:

Working too hard to get a girl to like you.

Why does that repel the ladies?

The biggest reason:

You’re working super hard to get the admiration of a stranger.

If a woman is with a man who is desperately trying to win her over, she thinks to herself:

“Why does he want me to like him so much? He barely knows me and he thinks I’m cool? He must be really insecure and/or desperate for my attention. Plus, now I know he wants me so badly, I’ve lost interest.”

Do you now see why overselling yourself is ugly?

It’s begging for validation.

So drop the knight in shining armor-act.

That’s for fairy tales.

Real-life attraction is not about being perfect.

It’s about accepting your flaws.

Does that sound like self-help mumbo jumbo?

Maybe.

But the truth is, people who embrace their flaws are confident.

And confidence is the BIGGEST turn on for women.

So if you want to send Tinder texts that get her excited for the date…

Be confident.

How?

  • Sprinkle in your insecurities. “I never disappoint. Except in the bedroom.”
  • Did your joke bomb? “My joke bombed so hard a guy is about to fly it into the Twin Towers.”
  • Do you share a different opinion than her? “I hate to break it to you, Sarah (whatever her name is). But you’re wrong. Yugioh IS for adults and I don’t care what you say!”

Note: You don’t have to write jokes to be confident.

Just focus on being real.

Almost every dude on Tinder is playing a game of pretending.

I’m playing the role of the perfect boyfriend.

—99% of the guys on Tinder

If you have the cojones to speak your mind and accept your flaws, you’ll be different from everyone else.

And the ladies will love you for it.

Do you want more concrete tips for texting?

Here are Ten Texts That Always Work.

Lines used by team TextGod and me. More on that later.

First…

#8: How to WIN at Tinder

The next few hundred words will give you 3 steps on how to go from swipe to relationship.

Long gone are the days where you had to go outside to connect with women.

Instead of trying your luck in the ear-deafening disco, you can chat with ladies from the comfort of your home.

Although it’s convenient, online dating is NOT easy.

Unless… you have a TextGod to show you the way funnel.

The Tinder funnel.

The Tinder funnel shows the journey of a match.

Starting from the moment she sees your profile and ending with the relationship.

Let’s break down how to reach the garden of romance and pussay.

1.    Grab her attention

Step one is to have an irresistible Tinder profile.

In case you forgot what that looks like, scroll up.

Or download my Dating Profile Checklist.

A detailed list of Dos and Don’ts explains precisely how to build an epic Tinder profile.

Follow the link to get your key to success on Tinder.

2.    Raise her interest

It’s a match.

Skrrrrrrrrrrrt!

Your studly face and hilarious bio convinced her you’re potentially worth boinking.

Now is the time to prove her right.

As said earlier, the worst strategy is to impress her.

And the panty-dropping strategy is to be real.

Your reward for your radical honesty?

Her number.

Holy Tip:

Don’t chat for too long.

You don’t want to be her pen-pal.

You want to meet up.

Once you see she’s interested, go for the number.

That can be as soon as after 8 texts.

Check out my article about how to tell if a girl likes you over text with 19 signs.

Once you have her number, it’s time to…

3.    Ask her out

Get the best way to ask a girl out.

Many men ask girls out in a way that kills their attraction.

If your attraction drops too far down, she’ll reject your weak date proposal.

And probably not talk to you anymore.

How do you ask her out in a way that RAISES attraction AND gets her to say YES?

  • By assuming she wants to go out with you.
  • And making clear what the date will be.

How?

Find out in my video on how to ask a girl out over text.

The secret sauce that makes women effortlessly slide through your Tinder funnel?

Abundance.

The easier you can get new matches, light-hearted Tinder conversations and dates…

The easier it is to seduce the woman of your dreams.

But to seduce your dream girl, you have to meet up first.

And if you make the upcoming mistakes, you won’t ever see her again.

#9: The three dating sins

Learn how to give her a first date she’ll never forget.

But not the good kind.

Why would you want to know the worst dating strategies?

So you can avoid them.

Hollywood has smashed attraction-killing ideas of romance into our heads for decades.

Now the worst date ideas are the average Joe’s favorite.

And probably yours too.

Read on to sidestep the mistakes that kill your love life.

1.    The never-ending date

Dinner and a movie is the most traditional date.

And also the most awful.

Why does it blow?

For starters, it’s a huge time suck.

At the earliest, the date is done in under 4 hours.

That’s a long time to spend with a stranger.

And she knows it.

So once you propose dinner and a movie, she’ll think:

“I don’t know… What if he’s cringe in person? I don’t want to be stuck on a never-ending date with a mega lamo .”

The reverse is also true.

You don’t want to be locked into an marathon-date with a girl you don’t like.

2.    The high-pressure date

The most epic date ideas almost always ruin first dates.

Scuba Diving, Disneyland, Vegas, Beyoncé tickets…

All fun, but also very expensive.

Why is that a problem?

Firstly, she won’t go unless you pay.

More importantly, the money puts pressure on your date to “put out”.

“He spent so much money on me. Now he might expect something in return…”

With all that stress, she has no room for attraction.

No attraction? No hand-holding and kisses.

As a matter of fact, you can kiss your second date goodbye.

3.    The boring date

Let’s return to the dinner date.

The most boring date environment on Earth.

Order a three-course meal and you’re stuck awkwardly looking at each other for the next two hours.

The only entertainment for her is you.

Without another source of fun, every silence is awkward.

Either you make her laugh, or you make her uncomfortable.

That’s a lot of pressure.

And she feels the same nervous energy.

Even if there is chemistry between you and your date, the date kills it.

Make any of the above mistakes and she’ll remember you for all the wrong reasons.

Learn how to seduce your Tinder date in the next tip.

#10: The date tactics that work

Swipe your crush off her feet with the next tried and tested dating strats.

With over a 100+ Tinder dates under my belt, I know the strategy to a successful first date.

Using my tactics, she’ll probably ask YOU for a second date.

1.    Create moments for more

The next tip is hands down the most effective at seducing women on the first date.

Mini dates.

Before I give the definition, let’s freshen up your date expertise.

Do you know what the goal is for the first date?

To shower your date in man cream.

To discover if you’re a fit.

While you can’t always know if you’re a match, it doesn’t take long to find out you’re NOT.

Is she not right for you?

Then you don’t want to spend another hour finishing up the ricotta ravioli and tiramisu you just ordered.

What do you do instead?

You plan mini dates.

  • A mimosa at a cocktail bar.
  • A slice of pizza from the local Italian.
  • Some hot coco at a café.

Once the mini-date is over, you pay the bill and head outside.

Do you like her?

Take her to the next mini-date.

Not interested?

Call it quits.

2.    Lower the stress

Another HUGELY powerful benefit of the mini-date?

It lowers stress.

How?

Because walking to new venues burns off the anxiety.

Without delving too deep, nerves are simply a form of energy with a specific flavor.

Walking uses up energy and it doesn’t care about taste, only the nutrients.

So walking and changing venues is a great way to reduce stress.

Sit still inside a café for hours, however, and your anxiety only grows larger.

Holy Tip:

Stress is almost always highest at the start of a date.

Both for her and for you.

So the best time to walk off the nerves is at the beginning.

What do you do?

You meet up 5 – 10 minutes away from your first mini date location.

And walk the rest of the way.

The benefits of the mini date don’t end here.

3.    Increase excitement

If you’re not chatty, the mini-date is perfect for you.

Remember why the dinner date doesn’t work?

You and your date are sitting in front of each other without any entertainment but yourselves.

Without another source of fun, it’s your job to keep her interested.

And when you inevitably run out of things to say, the date turns awkward.

Ielgh.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have moments of silence and NOT ruin the date?

Use the mini-date.

Any short 30-minute activity is packed solid with outside fun.

  • Ice skating.
  • A game of Jenga.
  • A stroll through the park.
  • A trip to the arcade.
  • Browsing in a thrift shop or flea market.

All these activities have lots of exciting distractions.

Even a quick bite at Olive Garden or Prezzo offers entertainment:

People watching.

4.    An actual how-to Tinder date

Here’s your battle plan:

  • Meet up 5 – 10 minutes away from your first date location.
  • Don’t know what to say? Talk about your day or week. All chit-chat now only serves to create comfort and make her feel at ease.
  • Arrive at a lunchroom and buy exotic smoothies / Cocktail bar and buy mimosas. Since it’s a date, buy ‘special’ drinks.
  • Finish your drink and take your girl to the second venue. Perhaps an ice cream parlor.
  • On your way there, kiss her. Feel free to lock lips at another time, as long as it’s not at the end. Find out why in my article in first Tinder date tips (w. 20 tips).
  • After you get ice cream, you can call it quits or take her on another mini date: Rock on the playground swings, buy a bottle of vino, or take her home.

Holy Tip:

If you like her, drop hints about a possible future date.

“You like hiking? I know the most sick nature reserve where hardly anyone goes. It’s just you, some deer and a hairy sasquatch. Maybe I’ll take you there some time.”

When girls like you, they do the same.

Here’s what a date of mine once told me:

“Wow. I really like your tattoos. I don’t know if you heard, but there’s a tattoo expo coming this month. It’s supposed to be super good. You should go.”

Hint, hint, hint.

The above how-to is just one example of a first Tinder date.

Feel free to switch up the activities, as long as you stick to the principle of mini dates AND the kiss intermezzo.

If you want to guarantee the second date, check out my first Tinder date tips article.

After a successful date, she’ll probably text you.

But in case she doesn’t, you want to know what to say.

#11: How to chat after the Tinder date

Make her excited for the second date with the next tip.

If the date went well, it’s not hard to send fun texts after the first date.

Although the majority of men get it wrong.

Atleast, that’s the impression I get from the big magazines.

Maxim, Men’s Health, Playboy and Esquire all hand out the WORST advice.

Here are a few gems I found:

After you left I spent hours imagining how tasty your body must look naked

Way too desperate and sexual.

Even when you hooked up with her, a sext tells her one thing: Despite all the conversation, you only care about her looks and sex.

Big turnoff.

You’re incredible, you were the highlight of my night and the star of my dreams

Too romantic.

Plus, it tells her you’re never around smart, funny and beautiful women.

Red flag.

We should do this again some time

Too casual and non-committal.

Sure, it shows you enjoyed the date.

But it also smashes the ball in her court.

And that’s not romantic.

It’s the man’s job to set up the dates.

So what is a good text after the first date?

For starters, everything you send must match the vibe from the date.

If you were a mellow guy, don’t turn your text into a comedy skit.

If you were shy, don’t act as if you’re Rambo.

Once you get that down, write your text using the next template:

Hey [her name]. I enjoyed [reference a specific part of the date] and your company wasn’t bad either.

For example:

Hey Mirte. I liked your dance moves and your company wasn’t bad either

A few variations that include a little joke:

Another example:

Despite you being a turtle killing, league addict. You were kinda cool yesterday. Let’s passionately hold hands again some time

Relax, bros.

Get off the PETA hotline.

I don’t date turtle poachers.

This girl accidentally stepped on her pet turtle when she was six years old. She’s very sweet and loving now.

Anyway, as you can see, you have a lot of freedom with the first text after the date.

If you want more advice on what to text, download my 10 Texts That Always Work.

Just hit the link.

And for more on texting, check out my article on what to text after the first date.

Enjoy, buddy.

That wraps up How To Tinder.

If you have any questions, hit me up.

Blessings,
Louis Farfields.

For more tips, check out these articles:

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