Bumble is one of the freakin’ funniest pastimes when everything goes smoothly.
But sometimes the Bumble seas are rough.
You swipe profile after profile and yet no matches!
“Do I really have a face only a mother could love?”
You’re just missing crucial information. Take a seat and I’ll give away:
- How to be too attractive to be swiped left
- The secret to receiving more SuperSwipes
- What women love to see in your first profile photo
- The blunder 9 out of 10 guys make that chases away the ladies
- The magical number of photos for the most matches
- Why you’re almost not getting any matches + an instant fix
- Your Bumble photo responsible for all your problems
- And much more…
And honestly, I bet you’re not bad looking. But your ELO is one ugly motherf@#$%.
Which means you won’t get any matches.
Don’t know what I’m talking about?
“ELO is a method for calculating the relative skill levels of players in zero-sum games.”
— Wikipedia on ELO rating
In other words, ELO is your profile score. The higher, the better.
Some guys prefer to see a video, so I uploaded a video to YouTube guiding you through your Bumble troubles.
This video tells you exactly how to get more matches on Bumble:
Tip 1: Don’t be this guy
Selfies are great: they’re easy to make and you get to decide your best angle. But did you know people in selfies are seen as less attractive, less likable and more egotistical?
Don’t take my word for it. A bunch of eggheads said so in a study.
Let me toss another study at you. These brainiacs from Ludwig-Maximilians-University interviewed 238 people and 82% wanted to see less selfies on social media.
As if I haven’t slapped you across the face with enough studies, research by Zoosk says profiles with a selfie get 8% less messages.
And what really makes me L-O-L, selfie makers believe they look good in their pictures! But not you.
You now know where your selfie belongs.
I’ll give you a mind blowing insight about selfies, later in this article.
Tip 2: Be too attractive to be swiped left
You’re going to learn how to create an irresistible first profile photo and never be ignored again.
Because even if you’re the most amazing guy on the planet, but your first picture sucks, she’ll swipe you left.
Messed up, right?
But no worries. I got your back.
Lesson numero Juan, what to do with your face.
Not only does this graph make me seem smart, it also teaches you how to pose for a camera.
The colored bars basically say the following:
- If you don’t look into the camera, smiling has little effect on your attraction
- If you are looking into the camera, smiling has a big positive impact on your attraction
So for my amigos whose teeth look like they belong on a corn cob, keep your mouth shut and look away from the camera.
If you are blessed with a Colgate smile, make sure to show off your pearly whites while looking right into the lens.
The next step in enhancing your animal magnetism is cropping: only show the upper half of your torso.
That’s right, Bumble doesn’t care if you skip leg day.
Popeye does a good job of avoiding the squat rack, now he just needs to learn to crop.
Let’s apply this lesson directly to his profile.
There ya go:
Still lots of room for improvement, but way better already!
The final element should be obvious but is often forgotten: GOOD quality.
If you’re still shooting photos with a 2 megapixel cell phone, ship that ancient artifact to a museum and forget about it.
You want pictures made by a digital single-lens reflex camera.
If you don’t have one of those bad boys, chances are one of your friends or relatives do. Otherwise you can make due with the latest smartphone.
Left: Some guy new to Bumble (the one on the right in the photo).
Right: Exact same guy who found TextGod and followed my advice.
Let’s add some context.
If you have corn for teeth, aim for this:
If your smile is brighter than my future, show it off:
A natural smile is gorgeous, but few people can pull it off.
And everyone can spot a fake.
Just look at the next photo:
So if your pretend smile makes you look like you have no soul, go with the option on the right.
Earn brownie points by posing with your pet. Ladies love pets, but not every guy. Increase your odds with dogs.
Tip 3: One is the sexiest number
Surrounding yourself with friends and showing how popular you are sounds good, but it might cause you to get close to zero matches on Bumble.
At least, if you show off your popularity in your first photo.
Because when women use Bumble, they don’t like to think. They want to instantly know who you are.
And if you have more than one person in your photo, you’re forcing her to play a guessing game. Rather than waste precious time and effort, she’ll swipe you left.
After all, there’s billions of other bachelors for her to find.
It’s not only other people that force her brain neurons to fire excessively, but noisy backgrounds too.
The photo on the left gets more matches than the one on the right, because it doesn’t have any drawn birds flapping about in the background.
The devil is in the details. Or in this case, an attention whoring flock of birds.
Tip 4: Make use of ‘signaling’
Noisy backgrounds don’t just distract your lady friend, backgrounds tell a story about you.
And as with any story, some are a hit and others a flop.
Why is any of this relevant? Because photographing yourself inside that junkheap you call a bedroom is making you look ugly.
A study shows that men who get their photos taken inside a swanky apartment are more attractive to women than dudes in an average house.
The graph says our friend in yellow is found the most attractive in the bottom right photo.
Can’t afford anything better than your 2-room apartment? Don’t fret.
There’s plenty of props that put you in a good light: exotic holiday souvenirs, trophies, flowers, birthday cards, books, artworks, pets, the list goes on.
Don’t use expensive cars as photo boosters. Posing with anything fancy only makes you look douchey.
Even if you just keep the ugly out of your background, you’re already doing better than 90% of other dudes.
Tip 5: The most common Bumble blunder
Nine out of ten Bumble bros have a bio that dries out her vegana faster than taking a squat on a leaf blower. And you might be one of them.
The secret to the vagien drying Bumble bio?
A wall of tasteless facts about none other than themselves.
And it’s not just men. Women are good at writing bland bios too.
Took me five swipes to find you these three screenshots.
- #1 likes food and travel. Really? Just like everyone else in the world? How interesting.
- #2 has got a serious case of wanderlust. Just like 99% of all millenials.
- #3 takes the cake. She loves having a good time? Ew, no thanks! I’ll have a car crash with a side order of Ebola please.
Men aren’t any better at writing their profiles.
Some dudes express their personalities with inspirational quotes, “Without a goal you can’t score.”
But most brochachos like to describe themselves as factually as possible:
“Loves music, party, friends, food and travel.”
If I’m describing you, go to your Bumble profile, press ‘select all’ and hit backspace.
It’s time to create a good bio that gets you more matches.
Bumble’s number one rule for a successful bio is: be DIFFERENT.
Rule number two: appeal to her emotions.
And lastly: keep it short.
My best three bios are all one sentence long.
Writing a longer bio doesn’t mean you’re losing half your matches. Sometimes length is good (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). But good lengthy ‘about me’ texts are rare and, more importantly, tough to write.
Do you know why Bumble is so popular? Because the app is so easy to use. Navigating through profiles costs little to no effort.
So when you have a novel for a bio, you’re asking to be ignored.
What’s more, a ten-page essay says, “I stuck so much energy into this. I hope the girls will think I’m hilarious.”
Whereas a short bio implicitly says, “Bumble seems like fun. Let’s give it a go.”
In other words: nonchalance > tryharding.
Starting now, I forbid you to talk facts in your bio. Let the pictures do the talking.
If you’re not sure if your new bio will lead to more matches, ask yourself: Is it painless?
Tip 6: The best way to get more SuperSwipes
If you get more than one SuperSwipe a week, you belong to the 0,69% Bumble elite.
SuperSwipes are Bumble’s version of the Superlike. If you SuperSwipe someone, it places you on top of the pile when someone starts swiping.
Even though women can give one SuperSwipe a day, most ladies give zero.
If you don’t look like Toni Mahfud, being superswiped as a dude is rare.
If you’re reading this Toni, please stop making my girlfriend so wet.
But rare is still gettable!
And I’m going to tell you exactly how. But for now, forget all about SuperSwipes and focus your attention on your dream girl.
What is your type? What does she do? How does she dress?
Let’s pause this train of thought and enter another.
When you think about it, Bumble really isn’t much different from setting up a business.
Imagine you’re designing an ad for your pizza joint.
What do you think about running an advertisement that says, “We sell food”?
That’d be the worst advertising ever.
You want your ad to speak to the hearts of every like minded pizza lover in your community.
“We make our stone baked pizza only with the freshest ingredients and a thin crunchy crust, just like your nonna used to make.”
Now every guy and girl who misses their grandma’s amazing pizzas will come running to your new joint.
Even generic pizza aficionados will be interested in getting one of your slices.
Now back to seduction lingo:
If you introduce yourself as the ‘funny guy who likes music and travel’, you’re just like the average Joe.
And if you don’t look as good as Joe, she won’t go out with you. Let alone like you.
But if you’re one of a kind, and her type, you’ll beat the competition. Suddenly all the sexy ladies with a fetish for your vibe will pick you.
This dude had the perfect niche Bumble profile.
The flipside of turning yourself into a special snowflake?
Many women will swipe you left, unmatch, block, hate, piss on your grave, etc.
Which is fine, as long as your bio appeals to the ladies you like.
Because every like you receive now is not a vague indicator of interest, it’s a sign that says, “I’m super into you, please don’t mess this up by being an idiot.”
Said differently, every like you get now is like a SuperSwipe.
BOOM! Two birds with one stone. Because now you barely have unresponsive matches.
I can hear you thinking, “Great theory, Louis. Very interesting. But do you have any proof?”
Of course, babe.
Rarely do people build a online dating profile as good as me. So when someone does, I can’t help but smile.
Here’s a prime example of a Tinder bio:
This cutie could definitely get my big, fat like. But many other dudes are likely turned off by her cocky bio and would swipe left
“Louis… How does a random girl’s profile prove this one-line bio business works?”
Because she stole MY line!
When I made this bio I was in no mood for shy girls or ladies who can’t be with a man who loves himself (too much).
I wanted women with confidence. And my profile worked perfectly.
The majority of women thought, “Omg, what an arrogant bastard. Clearly a player. Not interested!”
But a lovely minority accepted my challenge, “Out of my league? Hmmm… I have to know if he likes me.” *swipes right*
My matches were few, but better.
But before you copy paste my bio, realize my entire profile was based around being playfully arrogant.
If your bio and photos don’t speak the same message, it’s not going to work.
- Keep it short
- Appeal to her heart
- Attract women you like
If you want witty pick up lines for in your conversations I recommend the article and video I made on the topic.
Tip 7: Don’t be a try hard
Bumble offers you six slots for your photos. Better fill them all, right?
Showing her a carefully selected photo album doesn’t make you look sexy or cool.
What she thinks of your Bumble collage.
Do you think celebrities and rockstars lose sleep over getting people to like them?
In fact, hardly any celebrities use dating apps. And if they do, they upload one photo and call it a day.
So what’s the magic number?
Six or more photos makes you seem too involved. And it also takes too long for her to go through.
Three or less and you can’t give her a good idea of what you and your life look like.
You want to use just enough pictures to spark her interest and read your bio.
Your emotionally charged one-sentence bio then drives her to scroll down even further, where she sees (something like) this:
A huge platter of pictures she can pig out on.
“But Louis, you just said 6 was already too much. Now you have over a 100?!”
I understand your concern, bro. But stick with me.
Hand-selecting your best six photos and uploading them to Bumble is not the same as simply connecting your Instagram to a dating app.
Linking up your Insta costs way less effort.
And the less effort you use, the more cool and attractive you are.
What’s more, by letting her binge on your Insta like it’s the new Stranger Things, she’s slowly convincing herself how interesting you are.
Your odds of getting swiped right suddenly skyrocket.
Don’t worry if you don’t have an Instagram. You can do without.
A profile with a four picture portfolio + single sentence bio combo does the trick too.
Tip 8: Bring sexy back to your profile
You expect women to rate your profile. But did you know Bumble rates your profile too?
Bumble claims it has made a Skynet-level algorithm that can accurately rate your profile’s sex appeal.
Bumble’s techies keep a lid on the exact method, but we know it heavily relies on two elements.
Firstly, your swiping habits.
By keeping track of the profiles you swipe left and right, Bumble knows what you’re attracted to and slaps a score on your profile.
Secondly, the algorithm checks out your profile’s likes and dislikes.
The more likes your profile gets, the higher your score. And your score decides what profiles you see.
We now know how Bumble (roughly) calculates your sexy level. So what can you do to improve it?
For one, stop swiping everybody right. It shows no class, and more importantly, Bumble doesn’t like it.
Swiping selectively increases your score.
See, she gets it.
Another way to bring sexy back to your profile?
Spend more time on the app. Active users get rewarded with more puntos.
Bumble also likes it if you text your matches.
Which makes sense.
Without women, Bumble doesn’t have an income. So the dating company does all it can to guarantee the ladies (especially the hot ones) are having a good time.
And in case you skipped math class, let me remind you of two classic formulas:
- Validation of desirability = happy woman
The second formula being the relevant one here.
Because women can’t get any validation from a dead account, Bumble hooks them up with the active boyos.
The bros who rarely text and have a broken dislike button get banished to the bottom of the rankings. These lads never see anything but ghouls and goblins.
- Swipe selectively
- Check Bumble on the daily
- Send texts, open your conversations
Tip 9: Why you might have zero matches
An honest mistake could be sabotaging your matches and putting an end to your sex life.
Few dudes have a photo album with the perfect profile photo.
It’s simply not a shot you take by accident.
While you could hire a photographer to take the shot for you, many of us simply feel too intimidated.
So we dig into our personal pile of photos and pull out our favorite.
That’s now our first profile photo on Bumble.
But unless you know what you’re doing, you may have picked a horrible photo.
Getting you almost 0 matches.
Here’s a quick primer on a good 1st Bumble photo:
- Clear your face of obstructions. No hats, sunglasses or emo haircuts.
- It’s a headshot. Anything beneath your chest is out of the frame.
- Show your pearly whites (if you can do so without looking like you’re a murderer).
And if the above three points are new to you, you may be in trouble.
So Bumble shoots to the rescue:
It automatically centers the face on your first photo.
Making it easy for your potential love interest to see your handsome face.
But you’re not out of danger yet.
Is your first photo a group photo?
Now, it could end up like this:
Not TOO bad, right?
Even though it’s not a headshot, at least Bumble zoomed in on the right person.
This guy has no idea he’s on Bumble.
We’re on the Bumble profile of the lovely brunette on the right.
And she probably made the mistake we talked about earlier:
She picked a photo where she looked good, forgot to crop it and uploaded it to Bumble.
Then Bumble cropped it for her.
And for as long as she used this photo, she likely got zero matches.
Don’t be like like Miss Curly Hair, pick a good (centralized) headshot.
Tip 10: Break out of the shadowrealm
Sometimes your bio or picture isn’t the problem. There is another reason why you aren’t so lucky on Bumble.
Maybe your lack of matches is because Bumble hit you with the big ol’ ban hammer.
And its symptoms are so subtle, you may not even realize you’ve been shadowbanned.
What’s a shadowban you ask? When Bumble smashes your score to bits so you barely get any matches.
How do you know if you’ve been launched into the shadowrealm?
- You get way less matches than normal
- You receive less likes (check the green circle that says ‘match queue’, if it’s below 50 then something is wrong)
- Your matches ignore you
- Bumble sent you an official warning
So why doesn’t Bumble like you anymore?
Because you’ve been a bad boy!
Maybe you’ve sent X-rated texts to your matches. Perhaps you upset ladies with your vulgar bio. Or you compared two Bumble profiles of a sweetheart and a f*ckboi, videotaped the results and posted it on YouTube.
If the last example sounds super specific, that’s because it is.
A fellow hustler and friend placed a comparison video online for everyone to see and got banned.
My amigo received a notification and didn’t think too much of his punishment. “I’ll just make another account,” he thought “using a new number, different facebook, but same Google profile.”
The Google profile was enough for Bumble to recognize my pal as the same user. Which meant his fresh Bumble was also doomed to 1 to 2 matches a week.
To break out of low ELO hell, you must hide your past from Bumble’s all seeing eye.
That means: new Facebook (or no Facebook), new number, new app store account (if you’re a paying customer) and no Instagram.
You even want to switch up your photos and bio to make sure there are no ties to your Bumble history.
So how do you recognise if your reset worked?
By keeping a close watch on your matches in the first 24 hours.
Bumble gives new profiles a newbie boost. Which means you’re seen by more people than normal.
Are you getting above average likes and matches? Kudos, you’re out of the shadowrealm.
Okay, buddy. Armed with this article’s knowledge, you’re 69 steps ahead of your competitors.
But before I let you go, I have something to increase your matches.
The TextGod Toolkit.
And it has a crazy good clickbait opener, 10 copy pastable lines, and a checklist to take your profile to the next level.
You can get it for FREE by pressing the button below.
Enjoy your extra matches, bro.
For more tips, check out these articles:
And don't forget your download below ;)