New and lost when it comes to online dating?
Perhaps you’re a veteran who doesn’t have the success he deserves.
You’re in the right place. Because in this article you’ll get 14 online dating tips for men to finally master dating apps and dating sites.
And you’ll discover the power of Radical Authenticity and my Online Dating Success Formula.In this article:More...
Before we dive into how to become good at online dating, I recommend watching this video.
Here you’ll get my 7 best science-backed online dating tips:
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TextGod’s Online Dating Success Formula
To really get good at online dating, you need to understand my Online Dating Success Formula. It’s the result of years of texting and coaching.
It consists of 4 ingredients:
- Attraction: Does she feel attracted to you? Are you communicating as a real man to a woman? Are you flirty and fun?
- Trust: Can she trust you’re normal and not some weird guy? Women are way more vulnerable than man.
- Investment-balance:Are you coming off needy because you invest to much? And does she invest enough?
- Date-threshold: The more options she has, the higher the threshold for her to go on a date. Do you manage to balance Attraction, Trust and Investment enough to pass her date-threshold?
In the following tips everything relates back to these 4 principles.
Embrace Radical Authenticity
One of the core principles I teach guys at TextGod is Radical Authenticity.
It’s being radically you: How you are when you’re having the best time with friends.
It’s your personality amplified.
Most guys think they are already being themselves when they talk to women.
But lets be honest. Are they really? Most guys change their behavior to impress her.
They agree with her more, they are more careful what they say and they try to act cool.
It’s a mask that is doomed to fail. She sees right through you. And it makes you less attractive.
Instead, when you are radically authentic, you are 100% yourself. And that’s scary. What if she doesn’t like that?
The truth is that being radically yourself is the most attractive thing you could ever do.
Because people who are radically authentic…
- …don’t need her approval
- …have self worth
- …don’t care about the outcome
And that automatically demonstrates…
- …she can trust you because you are 100% real
- …you are fun and have a great personality
- …you are not needy (Since you are not bending to her acceptance)
When reading the following tips, think how this fits into Radical Authenticity.
Attraction: Don’t try to show off
Most men who come to me for advice, want to know how to seem more awesome.
But that flies in the face of my two most important values:
- Nothing is more unattractive than someone who tries too hard
- Women aren’t dumb
Your Tinder match KNOWS you have flaws.
And if you don’t dare show them, what does that say?
It says that you’re not comfortable with your flaws. That you’re insecure.
It doesn’t happen often, but even I makes mistakes on dating apps. And when I do, I don’t hide it.
My blunder is obvious to me, but maybe not to you. So let’s put my screenshot under the microscope.
The conversation was going okay. Better, after I made the ‘mandatory 00:00 makeout’-joke. As you can see by her emoji and question.
But then I talked too big:
- Labeling women with numbers is pretty shallow and degrading.
- I’m basically saying I’m a 10+.
Two major turn offs. And as you can see, she didn’t feel the need to reply anytime soon.
He who tries too hard to be cool, comes across as insecure.
Next time you feel the urge to show off, just say it as it is. Or play yourself down.
Using my bad text as an example, I was better off saying:
Here’s another texting example where I practice what I preach.
Saying it as it is.
Excuse me for the lack of screenshot, the original is in Dutch.
It takes courage to feel fine being normal.
Which is exactly what I did in the voice message, where I explained how I’m not as cool as I seem on Instagram.
And that’s what impresses and attracts her. Not bragging.
Sharing your flaws and not trying to be cool is only part of the attraction equation.
Modesty doesn’t work unless you have something to be modest about.
I for instance have lots of Instagram followers. So when I call myself a pleb, I’m downplaying my coolness.
But if you have no coolness to play down, modesty isn’t as powerful.
If you have few symbols of coolness (high-status job, pretty girlfriend, attractive body, etc.) you want to actually celebrate the small successes you do have.
Attraction & Trust: Find the perfect balance between cool and vulnerable
Hollywood taught us women LOVE bad boys, but that’s only partly true. Women only love balanced bad boys.
Let met explain using my TextGod badboy scale:
On the left side of the scale, is your feminine/vulnerable side.
On the right, is your masculine/cool side.
As the scale stands now, your femininity is overpowering your masculinity. (The lower the scale, the greater its impact.)
What happens if you go full-on James Bond-mode?
Then the right side of the scale would drop all the way down and press the square red alarm-button.
And once you press it, the internal alarm of the woman you’re talking to goes off.
This guy is acting super cool in an attempt to hide his insecurities. Do not engage.
So be more honest and vulnerable to tip the scale in the other direction.
Too honest and vulnerable, however, and the scale hits the button on the opposite side.
Now her internal alarm yells a different message:
This guy is super emotional. He’s probably damaged. Do not engage.
In order to not ring any alarms, you want to strike a balance between vulnerable and cool.
That balance is the thread that runs through this entire article.
Attraction & Trust: Find the perfect balance between funny and serious
Women love men that can make them laugh.
Nobel prize winner, Jeffrey Hall proved it in his Humor In Courtship study. His conclusion won’t surprise you, but it’s important all the same:
The more often a man successfully makes a woman laugh, the more likely she’s interested in dating him.
However, I advise against being too funny.
Yes, humor is one of the keys that opens her heart. But too much funny acts like a repellent.
A student of mine got ignored by a girl that was ‘totally into him’. So I asked him to show me the conversation.
And it’s true. She seemed very interested… at first. But he made one too many jokes.
She was invested in the conversation up until this point:
*she doesn’t reply*
*still no answer*
My student meant well, but she was done with his constant stream of jokes.
So she didn’t answer. He didn’t take the hint, and continued jesting.
The moral of the story?
Women don’t want to date a clown.
Neither does she want to date Serious Sam. He just doesn’t get it.
IMPORTANT: Sometimes it’s fine to crack jokes or talk serious for hours. If you’re both enjoying it, that’s a way to connect on a deep and intense level.
If you focus too much on being funny, you fail to add other attractive ingredients into your conversation. Things she needs to experience to feel attracted to you.
If you’re being to serious, she lacks flirty and fun energy. Which is a key ingredient in attraction.
Investment: Apply the balance principe to keep getting good replies
Even if you’re not a good texter, this simple online dating tip will almost guarantee her reply.
You know the next story: You match a cutie and start off the conversation. She replies and your heart skips a beat. So you shoot another text. She replies and your brain gets another shot of dopamine.
The captain of your brainship is now high behind the wheel. You lose all control.
A dozen texts later and she ghosts you.
To prevent your matches from going going to waste, apply this:
The balance principle
Make sure the size and frequency of your texts are roughly the same as hers.
A textbook example of the balance principle.
I’m blue. She’s grey. We both send two texts per time, of about equal length.
I’m going to be straight with you: at the start of a conversation, the man always texts a little more.
The reason men put in more effort, is because we have to prove ourselves. Prove that we aren’t creeps.
Once she sees you’re cool and attractive, she’ll start working for your attention.
Investment: Make her invest and text more
Before I’ll explain how to do this, I want you to look at the following screenshot that demonstrates it:
If you looked well, you recognized that at the start, I do most of the texting.
But at the end, as shown by the green arrow, she sends way more than me.
She’s hooked. That’s because I carefully dialed back my input.
Let’s reintroduce my scale.
On the left is the weight of her texts. On the right, the weight of your texts.
What happens in her head when the weight of your texts presses the button below?
This guy is way too invested. Big chances of insecurity and neediness. Stay away.
But what happens when her messages smash the green button?
It means she’s hooked.
Your job is to get her to invest. But that only happens after you prove your worth.
And until that time, it’s not strange to put in more effort into the conversation than her.
Just don’t write her too many texts, or else you may sound the neediness-alarm.
Investment: Use timing when you text her back
Imagine you just matched with a girl.
You send her a text and she replies almost instantly.
And she does so again after your second and third text.
Conventional wisdom says:
Play it slow and make her crave your attention.
Before I give you my take, watch a real Tinder conversation I had.
*one hour later*
*20 minutes later*
Did you notice how I stopped noting the time? That’s because every text followed each other within a fraction of minutes.
That’s THIRTEEN back and forths without keeping her waiting, so she can “chase” me.
You might think I’m being to available now. Let me explain.
What do you think has the most impact?
- Keeping her wait for every answer so you seem hard to get?
- Or exchanging a slew of texts to create lots of emotional momentum and getting her interested in you. And THEN replying more slowly?
Most women rarely answer right away. They’re at work, with friends, or in the gym working on her squat-booty, you name it.
So the moment you recognize she’s responding quickly, you seize that opportunity in a heartbeat.
These are the moments where you can create a shit ton of attraction.
Are there any moments where I take my time to reply?
Absolutely. If you answer her every text in a millisecond, you scream that:
- You have nothing else interesting to do.
- Your phone is glued to your hands.
- And she is your biggest priority in life.
And when she slows down her tempo, you want to match it.
Remember: it’s all about balance.
When you notice she’s interested, you can switch up your timing.
Check out this convo on films:
Look at the two purple circles and the times they highlight.
A classic example of double texting.
And it basically means she’s still thinking of you.
In short, she’s bought in. Now is when you wait and make her crave your next text.
Look how the same girl behaves when I give her no attention.
After she sends three laughing emojis, she hopes I’ll continue the conversation.
But when she doesn’t get an answer two hours later, she literally asks if that’s all she’s going to get today.
One and a half hours later, she asks if I’m going to ignore her all day.
Does waiting always make the ladies go crazy for you?
There’s only one reason why her reaction is so intense:
She’s used to me responding at the speed of light.
So when I don’t reply instantly, my lack of attention hits her right in the feels.
3 Tips to get more matches
Get 3 quick tips that lead to more matches.
Look, your profile photo is the first thing she sees of your Tinder profile.
And for many guys, it’s also the last thing she sees.
Because your first photo is vital to getting her to swipe right, you want to make it irresistible.
1. Shoot from the waist-up
The men who get all the ladies all use the same simple technique:
Shooting a high-quality photo from the waist up.
Similar to these gentlemen:
Easy to recognize and high quality.
2. Look into or away from the camera
A lot of coaches will tell you to look away. However, this is the truth:
There’s no best. It all depends on your intentions.
Do you want a girlfriend? Look into the camera. It makes you more trustworthy.
Want a fling? Look away. It makes you more mysterious.
But one thing always remains the same:
Don’t cover your eyes with glasses!
Eyes are called the windows to the soul for a reason.
3. Smile or not?
If you can, YES! A genuine smile can instantly boost your attractiveness up by two notches.
But there’s the catch.
For some, a genuine smile is hard to pull off.
I’m notoriously bad at smiling for the camera. That’s why I prefer to look away from the camera all macho-like.
11 Examples lines if you don’t know what to say
Most of my clients fall into one of two groups:
- They don’t know how to be fun and only ask dull questions.
- They can’t stop cracking jokes to look fun.
In between puns and boring questions lies a sweet spot.
A sweet spot where she has fun answering your questions.
As it happens, I know some of those questions.
Plus, my material gets her thinking, “This guy is so crazy… I love him!”
Here’s 11 lines to get you started:
- Would you rather be with the person you love forever, but also wear a shirt made out of their pubes, or be alone for the rest of your life but wear whatever you want?
- Would you rather be stung by a thousand bees or stomp a kitten? (The would-you-rather-format is great for spicing up any conversation. And can also be used as an icebreaker.)
- What should I know about you that I would never think to ask?
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would it be?
- If you won the lottery, what would you do for work?
- What’s the most important thing your life is missing?
- What’s your worst Tinder date ever?
- What kind of porn turns you on the most?
- Do you ever make the first move? If so, why?
- If you were locked inside Ikea for one night, what would you do?
If you liked the questions, there’s plenty more where that came from.
Check out my article, 101 Topics To Talk To A Girl About Over Text.
All of the above gives you a very good shot to take her out on a date.
So how do you turn your date into a success?
Find the answer in the next tip.
3 First date tips for online dating
Make her want to see you again with the next three first date tips.
1. Groom yourself
IMPORTANT: This is not your standard ‘get a haircut’ advise.
Skip this tip at your own peril.
You already know you want to trim your beard and style your hair.
But there are many grooming steps that men overlook and make women hurl.
So let me help you become the sexiest version of yourself:
- Don’t use too much gel or wax. If she likes you, ladies want to run their fingers through your hair. And they don’t like it sticky.
- Next time you take a shaver to your face, also visit your ears, nose and that spot in between your eyebrows. While you’re at it, cut down any hairs on your neck.
- Take care of your hands. For my gym bros, that doesn’t just mean cutting your fingernails. Also get rid of your calluses or moisturize to make your skin soft.
For brevity, I’m going to reduce this sub-header to a quote:
Walk into a perfume shop and ask one of the ladies to recommend a bottle.
Buy a small bottle if you like to change your scent regularly. Buy a 100 ml if you want a signature fragrance.
Replace or buy another when it’s finished.
3. Go on an adventure
Almost everyone who is not a dating coach gets this wrong.
Is your go-to-date movies or drinks in a café? Then you’re losing out on coolpoints.
The venue is nowhere near as important as what you do.
Confused? Let me explain.
You can raise far more attraction by going on an adventure.
Here’s an example.
But before you read it, focus less on the specifics of the date, and more on the vibe:
- Meet up on your local town square or train station.
- Walk to a fun bar 5 to 10 minutes away.
- Order plus finish one round of drinks and leave.
- Next, go to a park and sit on the swings.
- Kiss and part ways, or go home together.
Never wait to kiss a girl at the end of the date.
It’s corny and it shows her you only follow routines (that which Hollywood taught you).
Once you sense she’s interested, go for the kiss. I almost always kiss my date on the way from venue #1 to venue #2.
Using the above example, that would be when walking her from the bar to the park.
For 20 date tips, read my First Tinder Date Tips article.
This wraps up Online Dating Tips For Guys.
If you want some extra help with your conversations, like asking her out on the date or when you need some inspiration.
Check out my 10 Texts That Always Work. Just follow the link.
And don’t worry, it’s totally FREE.
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