She never texts first: 4 Biggest reasons + 7 Great solutions

If you look at your chat, you see her messages. But then you notice: “She never texts me first!”

That’s why this article will give you everything you need to get her to invest more and really enjoy talking to you.

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Is it a problem if she never texts first?

Here comes something to ease your mind:

Her never initiating the conversation may not be as big of a deal as you think.

Why? Because there are tons of other ways that show she’s into you. Texting first is just one way to show interest.

To figure out if she’s into you even though she never texts first, pay attention to these signs:

  • When she responds, does she write long or short texts?
  • When you reach out, how quickly or slowly does she reply?
  • When you ask her a question, does she answer the bare minimum, or does she go into great detail and fire back a question of her own?

If she’s actually investing in the conversation and showing enthusiasm, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

If however, she takes her time to respond, only sends short messages, and doesn’t ask anything back, it’s a sign she’s not that into you.

4 Reasons why she never texts first

Our main question to figure out first is: Why does she never text first? You need to know what the reason is, and if it’s good or bad, to be able to do something about it.

But first, you need to understand the TextGod Formula to get her interested. There are 3 big ingredients to get someone’s serious attention:

  • Attraction: Does she feel attracted to you?
  • Trust: Does she trust that you’re not some weird guy and have the right intentions?
  • Investment balance: Do both of you invest an equal amount into the conversation?

You need all 3 to get her interested enough to date you or keep dating you.

Let’s look into what might have gone wrong with these.

1. You didn’t build enough attraction

Attraction is the result of a flirty and playful conversation. Often, however, guys text more informational.

They text to gain information about her and share information about themselves.

  • What job do you have / what do you study?
  • How was your day?
  • What are you going to do this weekend?
  • What are your hobbies?

That’s nice, it builds connection. But it doesn’t build attraction.

For her to feel attracted, you need to play around with her. You need to have fun, tease her, and flirt with her. Don’t have conversations that are just boring and serious.

If she doesn’t feel attracted, there is no incentive anymore to actively seek contact. So she stops texting spontaneously.

Do you want to know how to have flirty conversations? Check out this article:

2. She doesn’t trust you enough

As a guy, there isn’t much to worry about when you meet up with a girl. Usually, you’re the more physically strong one.

However, for women things are different. There’s a lot that could go wrong. What if a guy forces her to do stuff she doesn’t want? Or what if he turns into some stalker? So besides attraction, it’s equally important to build trust.

You build trust by:

  • Not getting overly sexual too fast.
  • Showing some social intuition in your conversations. (That you understand how to communicate with her.)
  • Being able to shift from flirting to slightly more serious topics every now and then.
  • Sharing stuff about yourself.
  • Being radically authentic. She’ll sense when you’re just trying to get in her pants or please her.

For most guys, this isn’t the biggest problem. However, it’s good to pay attention to trust.

3. You’re investing too much

A woman wants to feel like she has to win you over. That you’re not too easy and not too interested in her straight off the bat.

That’s because she has to figure out if you’re a ‘catch.’ She wants to know if you’re a guy with options and that has something going on in his life.

How much you invest early on is an easy shortcut to figure that out. Because a ‘high value’ guy would not be so into her so quickly, and would make her prove herself to him a bit.

Nobody wants to date down (date someone way lower on the value-ladder). We all prefer to date up a bit.

Now you might think: Why are women so complex? I don’t need those type of signs from her.

That’s because, for men, a woman’s appearance is very important. If she looks hot or cute you already have an idea of her ‘value’. For women however, a man’s appearance is less important. So she has to figure out your value another way.

A great rule is to invest about as much as her. Then you’re always safe.

Now, investment shows through several things:

  • How often she texts.
  • How long her texts are.
  • How enthusiastic she is in her texts.

The fact that you’re always texting first is one sign that you’re investing more. So that might already give you a clue to where things go wrong.

However, as discussed before, if she IS investing a lot when you’re chatting, things might be fine.

More on overtexting here:

4. She’s not really a texter or has a lot going on

Finally, a reason that isn’t much of a problem.

Maybe she’s just very busy and isn’t on her phone all day. Or maybe she’s just not that much into texting in general.

In the beginning, she might have texted more because things were new and exciting. But since you’ve been texting for a while already, she went back to normal.

It’s not a bad sign. It’s just how she texts.

However, it can become a problem. Since you’re initiating all the time, she might start thinking you’re too enthusiastic. You’re investing more than her.

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7 Tips what to do if she never texts first

So let’s have a look at how you can change things around.

If she’s just busy or not much of a texter, you don’t really have to worry much. Just make sure you don’t overtext and keep both your level of investment in balance.

But let’s assume you are making mistakes. What can you do?

1. Be ok with uncertainty

Here’s a problem I bet you don’t know the answer to: How do you show interest without showing that you want them?

A very important question because liking someone too quickly is generally a big turn-off.

So how do you express interest without scaring her away? By being chill with uncertainty.

If she goes quiet for a few days or never texts you first, relax. Focus on other things in your life.

Don’t make a person you barely know your priority in life.

2. Always add value

If you ever feel that girls on dating apps are boring, this is for you. But first an example text. Check out Blue’s conversation.

Can you spot anything off here? Blue is accusing her of being boring, but it’s actually HIM who’s putting everyone to sleep.

What is he failing to do? To provide value!

And the easiest way to do that is by writing texts that stimulate her emotions. Or by using one of my 10 Texts That Always Work.

That’s not a joke. These 10 texts are a compilation of the most successful texts that I’ve used over the years. Download ’em here for free.

3. Pay attention to the relationship

Whether she texts first or not is hugely influenced by your relationship!

And they come in all shapes and sizes. Today, we’ll focus on the big three:

New relationships (fresh Tinder match or girl you just met), platonic relationships (co-worker, classmate or friend), and intimate relationships (girlfriend or friend with benefits).

  • Why would a girl you just met never text you first? She doesn’t like you enough or you’re never giving her a chance to invest. Solution: shut up once in a while, my lovely reader.
  • Why would a friend not reach out first? She doesn’t feel that close to you or she doesn’t want to lead you on (because texting first is a sign of interest). Solution: stay warm and match her level of investment while you focus your attention on someone else.
  • Why would a girlfriend stop texting you first? Probably because she’s going through some stuff or she’s upset with you. Solution: don’t make it about you, ask her if she’s doing okay.

4. Give her room to text you

This is the classic texting problem. You like someone and you feel them slipping away. Rather than giving your attention to someone more deserving, you double down and try to catch their attention again. So you text again and again.

You text too fast and your messages are too long. That way you leave little room for her to invest.

So take a breath and give her room to miss you and text you first for a change.

If you want her to send longer texts, check out this article of mine:

5. Go fast first, slow later

Most guys get texting all wrong. They put in more and more effort as the conversation continues. Regardless if she follows suit or not.

Sensing their eagerness, she loses interest and pulls back. Which leads to guys taking it up yet another notch.

And her losing even more interest. Awful. This is the golden rule of texting:

Over-invest to get the convo moving and once it’s running, mirror her level of investment.

“But Louis, what if she keeps barely responding?”

Simple, move on. Don’t invest in people you like, invest in people who you like AND invest in you.

6. Send her a value text

After you’ve given her room to text you, your best line of action is to send her a value text. A text that doesn’t ask anything of her. It just gives value.

That cheery text can be:

  • A short but witty anecdote.
  • A funny clip.
  • A super relevant meme.
  • Or an inside joke.

Just make sure it’s a text you know she’ll enjoy AND that is likely to lead to more than “haha.”

Hint: Any joke or roleplay that involves BOTH OF YOU greatly improves the odds of getting a good response.

If you did your homework right, she’ll reply with something good. Try to keep the momentum up by responding right away.

Now she has her phone in her hands, she’s likely to answer. Use this moment to have a mini conversation and build a stronger connection.

7. Use the power of clickbait

Get the easiest and most effective way to grab her attention, using this next trick.

It’s by applying the power of clickbait.

Let me give an example, to show you what I mean:

You know what I like about you?

Few women can resist chomping down on the bait.

Want to master the clickbait line?

Hit the link and watch my video on how to hook her on every word.

The video also shows you two follow-ups (with screenshots) and my own analysis.

That marks the end of She Never Texts First. Enjoy!

Louis Farfields

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  • Greg Killick says:

    My girl never texts me first That never bothers me her last Boyfriend text her pages Boring
    send her funny short texts Eg “Who is this? and why are you wearing my pyjamas ?”
    Don’t text about you feelings and why she not replying

  • Moe sizlak says:

    We have been texting for two days straight last night she said indeed to my last message i didn’t reply i haven’t heard anything from her today ? I always start the conversation.

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