19 Funny Texting Comebacks To Always Come Out On Top

Sometimes girls send you difficult texts.

Occasionally, she may even give you sass.

How do you come back from that?

This article gives you the best texting comebacks and:

  • 19+ witty screenshot examples
  • A powerful technique to make your flirty lines work
  • An easy way to comeback from any text
  • 10+ tips on how to get her hooked on your texts
  • A screenshot that pissed off 7000 guys on Reddit (and they were all WRONG)
  • The #1 mistake that ruins your convos (stop doing this please)
  • The difference between an opener that gets a laugh or gets you unmatched
  • More…

By the way, do you sometimes get stuck in online conversations? Very frustrating... but there is a simple solution. I created a bonus named The 10 Texts That Always Work, including my favorite text to send when I have gotten her number, an easy message to get her out on a date, and some witty lines to get the conversation going. Download it, it's completely free and easy to use.

#1: Tinder Comeback → When she messes up

Sometimes the roles are reversed, and she’s the bad flirt. Here’s how you capitalize on her cute attempt at seduction.

Behold her opener:

What do you reply to that, if you want to raise the mood of the conversation?

Excellent.

It’s sassy and funny.

Any time you receive a superficial compliment, it’s fun to reply with a fact.

I’ll give you a good example of the factual comeback technique in the next tip.

#2: Texting Comebacks → Keep it factual

Suppose she says something like:

I like your eyes

Or:

I like your hair

Or:

I love your muscles! 😍

A fun retort is:

Thx, I grew it myself

BAZINGA!

Do you want some fun jokes at the ready?

Here are 10 Texts that always work, used by me and team TextGod.

Get the 10 Texts here for free.

#3: Tinder comeback → When your opener fails

If you’re witty like our next friend, a failed pickup line doesn’t have to kill your conversation.

A match is no guarantee for a date.

Before you ask her out, you first have to grab her attention and get her excited for the date.

So it sucks when your joke ends the conversation in an instant.

But as you can see from the next Tinder example, a bad opener does NOT have to be the end…

If you have a funny comeback text.

While I can’t be certain our friend’s quip saved the match…

I definitely give it high Marx:

Wanna hear a joke about communism?

Communism isn’t funny, it killed millions of people. I don’t appreciate your style of humor and would appreciate it if you unmatched me now.

Alright, I agree. It’s not funny unless everyone gets it

First of all, our friend is using superb texting technique.

Which we can all learn from.

Instead of firing off his communism joke, he asks his match if she’s up for it.

Asking is a SUPER powerful technique, for two reasons:

  1. It shows you understand her perspective. Which is attractive.
  2. If she doesn’t want to hear your bad opener, there is no harm done. Simply lead the conversation down a different path.

In this case, the girl didn’t want to hear the opener.

And she’s very clear about it.

I would appreciate it if you unmatch me

Our buddy doesn’t give up without a fight and sends a super funny comeback text.

Alright, I agree. It’s not funny unless everyone gets it

Hilarious.

While I don’t know if she replied, in my mind, the two are living happily ever after.

#4: Tinder comeback → When everything goes right

The next example shows how to set up your first text, so it leads to a hilarious punchline on the second text, no matter how she replies.

Which is a great strategy.

Especially if you aren’t confident in your banter.

I call it the magician technique.

You’ve probably seen performers on television who do card tricks.

The routine is always the same:

“Pick a card, any card.”

Ever wonder how the performer can find that card?

Because the card is irrelevant.

So what is relevant?

Simple! The setup of the magician does all the work.

Which is exactly what our next bro on Tinder did.

He executed a technique he planned to a tee:

Unlike last time, our bro dives right into the opener:

I’d fuck you

O good 😂

… up in  mario kart

O thank god 😂

But no I’m the champ

…after we have sex

Oh there it is 😂

-ual harassment training on how to speak up to people on tinder

Oh my goddddddd 😂

To keep it in perspective, this Tinder conversation is like one of those trick shot videos.

You know, the videos where someone stands on top of a huge dam with a basketball, and shoots it into a hoop hundreds of feet below?

The failed attempts range in the thousands, but you only see the one video where it works.

This conversation is the same.

After hearing:

I’d fuck you

Most women will get super pissed, or just unmatch you.

But this girl likes it and replies:

O good 😂

Holy Tip:

If you want to use the same magician technique, but with greater success, do the following:

Send the setup and punchline right after each other.

That way she won’t have a chance to get mad and unmatch you.

Or worse…

Report you.

The beauty of this series of texts is that it sounds SUPER sexual.

But actually isn’t.

So she’ll see images of sex in her mind.

Even though the conversation is PG-13.

Which makes it easier for you to steer the convo to the date.

#5: Tinder comeback → When you upset Mother Teresa

The next comeback shows a girl who was so upset with a man’s opener, she wrote America’s Greatest Novel.

Sometimes your photos and bio will impress a girl so much that she’ll daydream about your date.

Which is exactly what you want.

But if your text skills aren’t great, you’ll ruin her expectations.

If your text skills SUCK, you’ll get a yelling.

Or in this case, our Tinder pal got an EPIC novel.

The most eloquent comeback in Tinder history.

The most epic novel cut up into bite-sized bits.

Wow Nick, thank you for your kind words

I’m sure you struggled with how to best introduce yourself

I can only imagine you slaving away over your opening line: “is ‘Hello’ to forward? Is ‘you’re beautiful’ too clingy?”

You’ve selected the bold, yet straightforward “nice tits”.

And by golly, I’m just so impressed with your moxie and unabashed forwardness

That I would love to go on a date with you, and give you a chance to see my “nice tits” in person

I’ll be honest, as a writer, her way with words gives me a big, throbbing crush.

Before we move onto the next tip, this screenshot holds a lesson:

Sarcasm is a great instrument for funny comeback texts.

Which is especially useful on Bumble, where the ladies often open you with the most AMAZING texts.

Context if you don’t know Bumble: it’s a dating app where men can’t text until the woman starts the conversation. And overall, women aren’t too creative.

So you get jaw-droppers like:

Hey

What’s up?

And, of course, the super flattering:

.

Hopefully my sarcasm was clear, if not I had to exaggerate even more.

Without tone of voice, exaggeration is the only way to make sarcasm work online.

More on how to exaggerate in the next tip.

#6: Tinder comeback → Two sarcasm masters at work

You’re about to learn sarcasm 101 by watching two experts.

But first an often overlooked insight about the limitations of chat.

When you’re with a girl in the flesh, a subtle non-verbal sign like an eye roll can speak volumes.

The written word doesn’t carry the same meaning, because it’s missing non-verbals.

For example, when she shows up late for your date and says, “I’m sorry. I was slowed down by work.”, I may reply with a playful tone:

“Yeah, right. ‘Slowed down by work’, while making air-quotes with my fingers.

Clearly a joke.

But if I were to type that out in Tinder or Bumble, I’ll come across as butthurt.

Which I’m not.

I just have a buttplug up my ass

Does that mean sarcasm is taboo online?

Not if you can do it right.

Like our next two guests from Tinder:

Our Tinder bro stumbles out of the gates with:

Where are you from?

Which is why she tosses him sarcasm:

My mother’s vagina

ZIIING!

Our friend refuses to go down without a fight and answers with a quip of his own:

O, for real? I was just there

Beautiful this time of year

BURN!

Both a funny and flirty comeback.

Although… he could made it slightly better if he said:

O, for real? I was just there

Beautifully bushy this time of year

Maybe a little too much.

But I got the idea she could take it.

So how can you create flirty comebacks with sarcasm?

By going over the top.

Suppose she replies something super factual and boring.

I’m an art student

Rather than answering normally, go with a sarcastic flirt:

I bet you say that to all the guys, player

Does it make sense?

No.

Is it flirty and funny?

YES!

#7: Bumble comeback → more funny comeback texts

The next guy magically turns her objection into reason to date him.

And by magic, I mean a snappy retort.

Because it’s Bumble, she has to break the ice first.

And she doesn’t beat around the bush.

The name of her match is identical to that of her father.

And she doesn’t like it.

So she begins:

Craig, I’m going to be honest

You have the same name as my dad

And it’s throwing me off a little

Most men will react in one of three ways:

  • Give a logical answer. “Oof, yeah… That’s not cool.”
  • Try to jokingly please her. “I might change my name for you haha!”
  • Try to win her over. “To make up for my name, know that I’m a good cook, I lift weights 3 times a week, and I smell good.”

None of the options are great.

Can you guess why?

Because it doesn’t raise her emotions and it ends the game of seduction. You’re already groveling at her feet for a chance to make the twobacked beast.

And as you know from your own experience, you like to be around people who are upbeat and can make you laugh.

In case you didn’t know, dating apps are all about showing you’re a person that she wants to hang out with.

And only once you reach that goal, do you ask her out.

Otherwise the date request will 1337% be shot down.

You now know the above three answers SUCK.

So what would you answer if a girl sent you this?

Just pretend your name is Craig.

You’re probably going to scroll right down to the answer without thinking.

So if you DID ponder my question, you’re a LEGEND.

Let’s compare your answer to the real Craig.

10/10.

I might bless Craig one day and turn him into a TextGod saint.

So what did Craig actually do?

First, he set up the joke.

That’s ok, I prefer to go by my nickname anyway

She takes the bait like a starving Wampa. #StarWarsReference

Oh yeah? What’s that

Craig was probably struggling to contain his laughter as he typed out his response:

Daddy

Don’t know about you, but if I were her, I’d instantly give him my digits.

#8: Tinder comeback → When the convo is lame

The next screenshot will teach you a funny comeback you can use when the convo is boring.

Sometimes girls on dating apps don’t pull their weight.

But the same can be said about men.

And it’s important to know the difference.

Because if you’re the cause of the boring conversation, the boring will haunt you for the rest of your dating life.

And you won’t ever get a date!

So here comes a pop quiz.

We’re going to look at a boring Bumble conversation.

And when you reach the end, I want you to answer the next multiple choice:

Who made the conversation boring?

  • Her
  • Him
  • Both

Ready?

Start reading.

We can all agree this convo was a bummer.

But whose fault is it?

If you answered anything else than “Him,” you’re…

WRONG!

Which is GREAT.

Because you’re about to take your text game to the next level.

The Reddit where I got this example from all agreed that SHE was uninteresting.

Almost 7,000 people agreed she was boring.

Granted, she wasn’t fun.

But why would she be?

The guy who called her out for being uninteresting asked her the next questions IN A ROW:

How are you?

What are you up to?

What do you do?

Now ask yourself, are these questions fun answering?

Do these questions make you FEEL anything?

HELL NO!

So you can’t blame the woman for being short with her texts.

She was probably ready to call the cops on him for being the world’s worst flirt.

#9-10: Twitter comeback → Why many men suck at flirting

We’re going to discuss a deep-rooted problem in seduction that almost all men suffer from.

Flirting isn’t easy.

And it rarely comes naturally.

I don’t think any baby shot out his mom, turned to the nurse and went:

Otherwise, he’d be on my payroll.

Anyway, the most common reason we guys do poorly with women is thanks to…

A lack of self-worth.

If you actually felt like a million bucks, you’d have confidence streaming out of your ears.

And you’d be able to talk to ANY woman.

You would be relaxed, playful and confident.

Instead, talking to women makes most men feel:

  • Stressed
  • Scared
  • Insecure

I have no quick fix for a lack of self-esteem.

But I do have a tool to manage it, in the form of a comeback to a question:

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were crushing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgement

Whoever said old men are worthless?

That grandpa is a national treasure.

Because he teaches a valuable lesson.

Self-deprecation is HILARIOUS.

And helps overcome issues with low self-esteem.

Why?

Because making light of your own shortcomings is humanizing.

Plus, scientific studies say that self-defeating humor increases well-being.

It’s impossible to be perfect, or confident ALL of the time.

We’re all a little anxious at times.

Taking the first jab at yourself when you make a fool of yourself, lightens the pressure.

More importantly, laughing at your own imperfections allows you to accept them and go forward.

And if you can accept your flaws, women can too.

Just look at this, G in our 11th comeback:

Hurray for self-deprecating jokes!

#11: Bumble comebacks → How to be more attractive

The next example shows us a texting principle that instantly gives you a +4 bonus to charm checks.

For the non-nerds: You’ll get a method to get more pussy.

At least 90% of men make the next mistake when texting:

Being overly sheepish.

They don’t grow fur coats, but they too easily comply.

For instance, most men answer every question she asks.

What do you do for a living?

I’m an account at Goldman Sachs

Which is not horrible.

But it’s almost like guys are under the impression that if they give the right answers, she’ll sleep with them.

So when I see a ‘yes man’ answer a trivial question, I see a man trying to pass a test.

I’m an account at Goldman Sachs, I earn 6 figures, drive a Porsche, have blood type O, love long walks on the beach, have all my teeth, and don’t snore. Did I win sex?

Obviously, facts like above rarely win a girl over.

What does always do the trick, is raising emotions.

Also known as vibing, a spark, or a ‘click’.

Which is what all girls are after.

So if you want girls, you better be able to make her feel good.

Back to where we left off, what should you do if she asks you a dull question?

You know it’s not the truth, unless it’s hilarious.

So what do you reply?

“The best comeback text ever!”

That leaves lots of options.

Maybe we reduce the possible answers with a REAL example.

Any ideas that aren’t the boring truth?

What’s the funniest comeback text you can think of?

Hint: it’s already been said.

Did you get it?

Let’s find out!

SMALL TALK!

What a champ!

Why does that reply make me so happy?

Because he’s not complying.

He’s going AGAINST the flow.

Small talk is exactly what she wanted to skip.

Although he’s joking, he’s essentially saying:

“Let’s talk more about the thing you don’t want to.”

So he’s playfully teasing her.

And thereby raising her emotions and raising his own attraction.

Magnificent.

Best Bumble and Tinder comeback texts

Now we’ll rush through 8 of the best comeback texts of Tinder and Bumble.

Caution: some may not be the ‘best’, but they’re at least funny or flirty.

What’s important is that they’ll all help strengthen your funny boner.

Let’s start!

#12: Tinder bio comeback

Sometimes you’re such a slut, your name can’t keep it a secret.

And then you have to keep your name in check with a comeback.

No clue what I’m talking about?

See for yourself.

I must say, I have a soft spot for ladies with a sense of humor.

It’s called a prostate.

If she ain’t ready to strap, I ain’t coming back. #PeggingJokes

#13: Tinder comeback text

The next girl sounds like she has a magazine full of comebacks.

Yeah, you go girl.

#14: The rude but playful Tinder comeback

The next barely sticks the opener, and then tricks her into giving her Snap.

Firstly, you can tell this next dude has some game by his opener.

Opener

He gives zero fuarks.

Which is legitimately a good way to have more fun on Tinder.

Which automatically leads to more Tinder dates.

Anyway, after a sarcastic quip:

haha ur sweet

He goes right into it:

Truth or dare?

She doesn’t bite…

Instead of going needy, he doubles down.

JAAAANE!!!

He actually forgot to add exclamation marks.

But if you’re going to parody a needy dude (which is exactly what he’s doing), exaggeration is key.

She answers:

dare

Now he has her right where he wants her:

I dare to give me your Snapchat

Shit! Never mind, truth

What’s your Snapchat

Again, he is just having fun.

Most guys would be afraid to call her a bitch.

But because he sent her a meme, he knows she probably won’t be offended.

Well done, good sir.

#15: The Tinder twist comeback

The next guy finds a girl who’s cracking jokes about Hitler.

And he tells her something she doesn’t expect.

Hehe.

#16: A comeback for when she feels insecure

Although it’s rare, this particular girl demands a bad pick up line.

And our friend gladly gives his donger it to her.

The pick up line, is alright.

Are you an orphanage…

…because I want to give you kids

His delivery, however, is great.

Breaking up your bad pick up lines like this is the way to go.

But what’s GREAT is how he comes back from her reply.

I’m already an orphan

To which he replies:

Then let me be your daddy

SAVAGE!

#17: Fake comeback

Not all texts are comebacks.

Typically, a comeback means a witty reply to someone else’s text.

The next brief Tinder convo doesn’t fit the bill.

It’s a setup using a Bill.

And it’s too good to pass up.

While I would rarely use a pick up line like that, I do enjoy reading them.

The reason I avoid raunchy openers, is because they tend to upset the ladies.

Like our next insensitive Tinder pal, in texting comeback #19:

Great comeback, m’lady.

Also, the dude ruined his own opener with a stutter.

“I’m china to get into your japanties.”

What’s a ‘japantie’?

He tried to say:

Are you Asian? Because I’m china to get into japanties.

Now for the last comeback text of the article.

#18: Texting comeback of a lifetime

It’s a gooden!

Because it’s Bumble, the girl starts the conversation with a question.

And it’s like our bro has been waiting his whole life to answer it.

Funny as phuck.

Congratulations, sir.

You win the internet.

#19: Bumble comeback → The best comeback text yet

Let me introduce you to a man who wrote a comeback so good, he instantly won a date.

While I’d love to give you the technique behind his funny comeback…

I can’t.

He may simply be one of the quickest minds in the West.

Just look how quick he is on the draw.

Because we’re on Bumble, she texts first.

So, for our first date, I tried to get us reservations at the library… But they were all booked

That’s funny because I work at the library. And I could have sworn I checked you out today

Hahaha! You win

That was a great comeback

You know what else was a great comeback?

When Kim Kardashian’s ex shot his broghurt on her back.

Back on track, our buddy’s savvy probably needs no explanation.

But I’ll give it anyway.

The Bumble convo started with a pun.

I tried to get us reservations at the library… But they were all BOOKED

Booked can both mean ‘reserved’ as well as a bound set of papers

Then our bro fires back with a quip of his own.

That’s funny because I work at the library. And I could have sworn I CHECKED you OUT today

Checked out also has two meanings: ‘borrow from the library’ or ‘ogling a woman’.

The joke is dry, but clever.

And it probably earned him a ticket to her bedroom.

That witty comeback text ALMOST marks the end of today’s article.

You obviously got a lot of funny material for your own online conversations.

But I want to spoil you some more.

With The 10 Texts That Always Work.

  • With funny answers to her questions
  • Lines to tease her
  • Funny texts to break the ice
  • How to ask her out like a champ
  • And more…

Get your 10 Texts here.

Enjoy, amigo.

Blessings,
Louis Farfields

For more tips, check out these articles:

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