Tinder Etiquette: The 31 Dos and Don’ts on Tinder

Etiquette on Tinder is more important than you might know, for several reasons.

First, you want you make sure to get matches and have great conversations.

Secondly, Tinder keeps a close eye on how you behave. And if you don’t behave appropriately, Tinder will punish you in different ways.

Luckily today you’re going to learn everything there is to know about Tinder etiquette.

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1. Don’t start with “Hey”

One of the worst things you can send to start a conversation, is this:

Hey

Let me tell you why this is so bad:

  1. It means you likely aren’t creative.
  2. It shows you probably didn’t really check out her photos and bio (or else you would have something better to say).
  3. Most importantly, your ‘Hey’ forces her to put in effort.

You want to stand out with your opening line. You want her to feel something. And you want to make it easy to reply.

If you just send ‘Hey’ or any of it’s variations, you’re doing the same as most other guys. And she won’t reply.

If you want to know more about great opening lines, check out this article:

2. Don’t ask her out in the first text (or the second!)

Asking her out in the first message is dangerous.

And for three reasons:

  1. It communicates you only want her for her looks (you don’t know her personality).
  2. You have low standards and are probably desperate for attention.
  3. You’re probably not good with women (or else you’d try to actually seduce her).

None of these three points make her want you.

Hey! Let’s skip the chit-chat and go out for drinks

Unless you’re exactly her type expect a:

No thanks

Another reason why you don’t want to come out the gate with a date invitation?

It’s hard to recover from. Even when it’s a joke.

And that’s because of what you’ll learn in the next tip.

If you want to know how to ask a girl out, check out this article:

3. Don’t think she can read your tone of voice

This next insight will greatly improve your Tinder convos.

Ever sent a text you found hilarious and that she hated?

I have. More than I can remember. (Young me… so full of life, but o so little wisdom.)

And it taught me something incredibly valuable.

It’s often not the content that upsets her, it’s how she interprets your Tone Of Voice.

That joke is GOLD! But because she couldn’t hear him sing the Batman soundtrack, the joke went over her head.

Luckily, it didn’t kill the conversation. But other misinterpretations can.

Do you like cats

Cats?!

I hate them!

And when I’m angry I somehow turn into a woman lol

Not sure if you hating cats is a joke or just a part of you being a woman…

Anyway, this is done

To you, your text was just shits and giggles. You were referring to the fact you posted a GIF of a woman. But to her, it was offensive. She didn’t get the link.

If she can read your text in an unplanned way, your tone of voice is bad.

Check out this article on how to flirt on Tinder:

4. Don’t use too many emojis

Emojis help clarify tone of voice, but they can also make you look less masculine.

Using too many emojis makes you seem bubbly and girly. And you don’t want that. More importantly, (most) women don’t want to date a feminine guy.

For reasons I won’t go into now, people usually want a partner who is their energetic opposite.

So if you’re both being feminine on Tinder, it’s not going to work out.

But if you let her spam girly emoticons while you stick to manly letters and punctuation, sparks will fly.

5. Dont make grammar and spelling mistakes

A super easy way to increase her attraction for you is to be literate.

Look. You’re on a dating app now. And making a lot of mistakes makes you look dumb or immature.

So the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, don’t answer:

Good

Superman does good. You’re doing well.

6. Don’t wrongly use group photos

Sure, the people in your photo are proof that you have friends, and that’s great.

But she wants to recognize you within a glance.

The slightest doubt about who you are is enough for her to swipe left.

She doesn’t have bad intentions. She just doesn’t have the luxury of time.

Especially when there are literally hundreds of other dudes to choose from.

Tinder is no place to make her think. It’s where you prove to her that you’re the star of the show.

More on Tinder profile pictures in this article:

7. Behave normal, don’t be a creep

Some women experience Tinder as a complete nightmare. There are a lot of creepy guys out there.

This is only one of many horror scenarios my girlfriend and I dig into. Don’t miss out.

You can find the video below:

8. Don’t overthink timing

Hollywood is the reason my inbox is bursting with the next question:

“How long should I wait to text a girl after matching? Can I text her instantly or is it better to wait?”

You see, there’s this myth that you want to wait (3 days) before texting to create suspense and seem non-needy.

While there’s truth to that rule of thumb, timing is overrated.

Although it can be important, it’s almost always inferior to content.

It’s what you say, not when that matters.

Which brings me to an overlooked but crucial point…

Check out this article on timing:

9. Don’t text when you’re in a bad mood

We all have dips and get down on ourselves from time to time. However, you want to be aware of your mood and feelings.

Because if your texts come out of the wrong place, you will say something dumb.

And it can ruin your chances of ever seeing her.

Think about it. Loneliness leads to needy texts. Aggression to angry texts. And joy to fun texts.

So if you’re not in good spirits, shut down Tinder and press your fun buttons.

Fire up Netflix, play video games, lift weights. Whatever makes you happy.

10. Don’t do a studio photoshoot

The quality of professional photos is wild, but there’s a serious drawback.

Photo shoots look glamorous and fake. And that can be a major turn-off.

Hiring a photographer is only worth it if:

  • The photos are not inside a studio, but outdoors and candid.
  • You visit multiple locations and wear a different outfit for every new venue.

11. Don’t do the grocery list bio

Look at these bio examples:

Let me explain why these bios are bad.

Bella is an ‘explorer,’ ‘dreamer,’ and ‘idealist.’ Which sounds deep, but her bio actually says: she travels and dreams of a better world. A very generic description.

Mary does a slightly better job of being unique. She likes ‘Las Vegas,’ ‘singing,’ ‘dancing,’ ‘learning new languages,’ and ‘meeting new people.’

Great, she’s an extrovert. Who shares the same hobbies as millions of other people.

Ana’s bio takes it all. She believes in ‘happiness.’

If you write a bio like this, you won’t stand out. You won’t make her feel something.

More on great bios here:

12. Don’t use all your Tinder photo slots

Using all your Tinder photo slots is BAD.

  1. It’s excessive. Less photos do the job too.
  2. It’s try hard. If you read between the lines it screams, “I put so much effort into this, please like me.”
  3. It kills the mystery.

The goal of your Tinder album is not to tell your life story and make her fall in love with you.

The point behind your Tinder photos is to spark interest, so that she reads your bio or instantly swipes right.

4 to 5 photos are plenty.

13. Don’t swipe everyone right

Swiping everyone right is effective because it saves time, but it also ruins your chances of getting matches.

Why? Because by swiping everyone right, google lowers your internal ranking-score (previously ELO-rating).

A rating that determines the popularity levels of your Tinder profile.

When Tinder sees you swipe everyone right, you’re seen as less selective, more needy and probably less attractive.

So have some class and swipe selectively.

And you may also want to stay away from distasteful jokes.

14. Don’t make jokes Tinder doesn’t like

If you don’t want to get banned, pay attention.

Because Tinder doesn’t like bad jokes and will hit you with the banhammer:

  1. Anything involve race and religion.
  2. Jokes that are flat out hurtful.
  3. Anything that involves wanting money from your match.

Tinder’s mechanical eyes instantly assume the worst: you’re either a scammer or a bot.

More on the right type of jokes here:

15. Don’t forget about your matches

The next Tinder blunder is killing all your matches.

You see, most people on Tinder don’t like timewasters. They swipe right to chat, not to collect matches.

And you probably share the same opinion.

But I’m willing to bet you still flubbed up and waited longer than two days to text your match.

A couple of days may look like nothing to you, but to others, it’s a clear sign that you’re not actually interested.

And with no patience left, they unmatch you.

16. Don’t get cocky, kid

Here’s another common mistake that costs many men matches. Perhaps it’s costing you matches too.

If you know women, you know they love confidence. But they also hate arrogance.

And what separates the two is a fine line. Let me show you a bio that rides that line.

Which way do you think it leans? Confidence or arrogance?

You probably guessed it… Arrogance. And also chaos.

What happens when you combine the two? You get a bad profile that girls swipe left.

If you do want to be more of a challenge, keep it playful.

Playfulness pulls you back to confidence and gets your profile swiped right.

17. Don’t use dumb pick up lines

Some pick up lines are great, but 90% of them suck. Don’t take my word for it.

There’s an Instagram called tindernightmares filled with bad pick up lines.

Here’s a couple examples I picked out at random:


Cringe.

Mega cringe.

 

Not that bad. Short and topical. (Y)

The problem with most bad Tinder pick up lines is that they are:

  1. OVERLY sexual.
  2. Not very clever.
  3. Puts her on a pedestal as you grovel through the dirt.
  4. Forces her to decide whether she likes you before she knows you.

Put these four points together and you get a big chance of rejection.

That was 16 Tinder etiquette don’ts (I even threw in a bonus tip).

Now let’s get to the Tinder etiquette dos!

18. Do balance your texts and questions

When texting you can get it wrong in one of two ways:

  1. You text too little.
  2. You text too much.

Most guys text too much because they’re too eager.

Because they’re so focused on seeing her, most guys forget all about flirting and become super needy.

Almost every text is sent to force a reaction out of her. And to make sure she does, most dudes send a swarm of texts.

Questions, stories, compliments. You name it.

The key to good texting is matching her input.

For example: If you are asking 3 questions for every 1 she sends you, you’re overdoing it.

Find out how to recover from your over-enthusiasm in my article on Overtexting: When do you text a girl too much?

19. Do put effort into your Tinder profile

Having a good Tinder profile is very important and yet 90% of guys do it wrong.

Clearly, it’s not as easy as it sounds. So where does it go wrong?

Let’s get into the most common issues with photos:

  1. The quality is bad.
  2. The same pose is repeated.
  3. The photos don’t tell a story.

Because quality is a big topic, let’s stick with that.

As mentioned earlier, the studio shoot is no guarantee for high quality Tinder photos.

Sure, the technical quality is high. But professional photos often look set up and lack authenticity.

And because Tinder is not an advertisement, authenticity matters. A Tinder photo is a snapshot of your life. A taste of what it’s like to be with you.

And fakery tastes bad. You may have read you can create attraction by wearing red. And a study indeed claims wearing red makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.

But the red dress effect has been debunked. Rather than pin your hopes on your red sweater, create an attractive Tinder profile with my checklist.

Answer a list of questions and find the flaws and fixes to your Tinder profile.

Get my free checklist HERE.

20. Do proofread your bio

Regardless if you look like Jason Momoa or not, under no circumstances can you make the next mistake:

Grammatical errors and/or spelling mistakes.

Because even if your brilliance earned you multiple awards, if you write ‘butt’ as ‘but,’ she will think you’re an ass.


Wah-wahhhh…

To prevent communicating you’re dumb, you proofread your bio.

21. Do write an original bio

After applying what’s in this tip, your bio will spark enough interest to get your type of girl to swipe you right.

With so many tips out there, writing an about me text is confusing.

I’m going to iron out the confusion.

The best Tinder bios achieve 4 goals:

  1. They grab her attention.
  2. They don’t make the author seem like a thirsty boi.
  3. They make her laugh.
  4. They’re original.

Creating the perfect bio is a tall order. Especially if you have no inspiration.

So let’s start there. Check out my 30+ Funny Tinder Bios article and write down what you like.

Meanwhile, I’ll explain how to put that new-found inspiration to good use.

The biggest mistake you can make now is to sow those good lines together into one bio.

It won’t make sense or feel authentic. Instead, you want to choose a single theme.

Do you want your bio to be sexual? About a specific hobby? Or just a joke you love?

My advice: Pick a topic that you think attracts the type of person you want to be with.

And use other successful bios as inspiration. So go write your best Tinder bio and show me what you got!

22. Do shoot photos with lots of contrast

Learn to make your photos bulletproof.

If you want to make your Tinder pictures irresistible, dial up the contrast.

You want to stand out in the online dating world, and contrast literally helps you do that.

Let me first show you a picture of what not to do.

By no means is this a bad photo.

But because it doesn’t make me want to stop swiping, it’s not great.

Compare that to the next picture.

TONS of contrast. And do you feel what it does? It pulls your attention and makes you want to keep looking.

Neuroscientists are on the same page: the clearer the subject, the more attracted we are.

So crank up the contrast. Is your hair dark? Make the background extra light. Is your hair light? Make the background extra dark.

23. Do use tried and tested lines

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My 10 Text Tinder package has what you need. And it won’t cost you a penny.

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24. Do lead to the date

If you can’t spot if the next line is good or bad, you’re in trouble.

Hey, I want to take you out for drinks. When are you free?

Again, does that text sound good or bad to you?

If you thought ‘bad’ you are… RIGHT!

The majority of guys, even the ones who can get lots of matches, aren’t the best at asking girls out.

For starters, they wait too long to do it, and their Tinder conversations become extremely boring.

And the reason dudes wait to ask her out is because they can’t recognize the right moment.

That moment deserves an article of its own. Read all about it in my article, How To Ask Her Out.

Or if you’re done reading, watch my video below on how to ask girls out over text.

Next we discuss another key element of Tinder etiquette.

25. Do link to your Instagram

This topic is highly controversial. Some people are for linking Instagram, others are against.

The definitive answer? Link your Instagram only if it’s good.

Why? Your profile is only as strong as its weakest photo.

One photo where you look like Mister Potatohead and she swipes left.

If your photos can pass the hard but righteous TextGod Checklist, your Tinder album is bulletproof.

But if your Insta doesn’t match the same standards, and you link it anyway, your Tinder profile turns impotent.

Before you skip the ‘gram altogether, know this. Linking your Instagram boosts your Tinder rating, giving you more likes on Tinder.

And it makes her feel more confident that you’re not a bot or catfish.

26. Do choose an anthem

In the war on grabbing her attention, your anthem may be your best weapon. Few things do a better job of hitting our emotional chords than music.

So an anthem plus a good set of photos can be enough for her to want to match you.

Or, of course, to ignore you. But my taste in music is immaculate. As my Tinder match agrees.

She loved my anthem so much, she swiped me right AND sent me the first text. So your favorite song can be a great conversation starter.

Although I’d stay away from picking your favorite if it’s a very niche type of song that few people like.

You may tell yourself you want someone who likes you for you. But there is such a thing as being too unique too fast.

Instead of putting down your #1 tune, consider communicating your funny side with Celine Dion’s All By Myself.

Or how you’re a bit of a challenge with Shania Twain’s That Don’t Impress Me Much or Rihanna’s B*tch Better Have My Money.

Do you like to dance? How about Whitney Houston’s I Want To Dance With Somebody.

Plenty of options to go for.

More on the best Tinder anthems here:

27. Do use GIFs

Next up, making her day without any effort.

So you got a new match in need of an earth-shattering opener. You open the chat and wait for lightning to strike.

But Zeus apparently has his day off. So you give up and shut down Tinder.

What you really want to do is send her a GIF that spikes her emotions.

In this case new is better. So stay away from the overused Tinder recommendations.

How do you know what GIF to send?

Make it relevant. Comb through her bio and photos and jot down (or remember) anything that stands out.

Lots of jewelry? Fit body? A pet?

Next, type any of your findings in the little GIF search bar. Then send the GIF that you find the funniest.

Presto, you just opened her with minimal effort while standing out from the rest.

28. Do work the Tinder algorithm

I don’t care if you’re a Playgirl model… if you don’t play nice with the algorithm, you’re going to have a hard time.

Tinder’s algorithm rates and ranks your profile based on your behavior.

Think of:

  • Swiping habits (how picky you are).
  • Quality of your photos.
  • Time spent reading her bio.
  • How many photos you go through before you swipe left or right.
  • Whether you click on her Instagram or Anthem.
  • And more.

While you could once swipe right without consequence, gaming the system now gets your profile tossed in the gutter.

To improve your matches, you want to work together with the system and improve your ELO-rating.

A high rating gets you shown to the most desired (most swiped right profiles) on Tinder. So if you have proper Tinder etiquette, you get rewarded with better matches.

One of the easiest ways to improve your ELO is to fill out your bio. Fill in every slot of your Tinder profile and get rewarded with a higher ranking.

That simply means not to leave anything unanswered. Filling up your entire profile until its bursting doesn’t give you more points.

29. Do analyze your photos

What you think is your best photo could actually be your worst.

Consider this old photo of mine:

It was taken during a video where I was interviewing women about their first kiss.

And when I first saw this picture, I thought “Nice!”

I definitely thought this photo would make the ladies swoon.

But before I uploaded this work of art to Tinder, I got it rated on Photofeeler.

The results were shocking. Apparently I looked dumb, dishonest, and average.

So I called my photographer friend and got new photos taken.

If you want your Tinder photos to be the best they can be, run them by Photofeeler.

Some results may sting a little. But your increase in matches is all the comfort you need.

30. Do have photos with different flavors

Learn how to create the perfect Tinder portfolio.

Most guys choose their Tinder photos by entering their photo album and picking the pictures where they look best. Not a horrible strategy, but not great either.

Looking good is only part of a quality Tinder photo. Specifically, your first. To maximize your matches, you want to show off your personality too. That’s what the rest of your photos are for.

So how do you show off your personality? It depends.

If you’re a smiley person, get a candid shot of yourself slapping your knees.

Are you a nomad? Have a photo of yourself sitting on the dunes of the Sahara, or high-fiving a Tibetan monk.

Do you like art? Create a black and white masterpiece.

Are you the new Charlie Chaplin? Photograph yourself wearing a fake moustache and fez.

Can you play a guitar like it’s no one’s business? Show yourself shredding it on stage.

Whatever it is you love to do, show it off! Have every photo add to the strength of your profile.

31. Do talk to all your matches (even the ones you don’t like anymore)

Talking to all your matches is important, but not for the obvious reason. (ELO.)

You see, a tsunami of texts teaches women to be fast decision-makers.

With dozens of guys talking to her at the same time, she has no intention of chatting with all of them. Just a couple.

So as the heys and hellos are pouring into her inbox, she’s thinking one thing: Is he a stud or a dud? Which she usually decides in 1 to 3 texts.

Hello beautiful

That dude is a dude she ignores.

I want to be mad at you for wearing Versace (Gucci Gang 4 lyfe), but I LOVE that stuffed unicorn you’re holding!

This G is a stud she adores.

Returning back on track, sneaking through her minefield of rejection is a tough but crucial skill to master, even if she isn’t your type.

Because if you aren’t ready to charm a girl you don’t like, how are you ready to seduce the girl of your dreams?

That brings us to the end of the 31 Tinder etiquette dos and don’ts.

But before we call it a day, I have a present for you.

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Blessings,
Louis Farfields

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