“How to have a nice Tinder conversation?”
“Why don’t I get more matches?”
“How do you make a good profile?”
I’ve you’ve ever asked yourself any of these questions, you’re in the right place.
Because you’re about to know all there is about Tinder etiquette.
Read on and get:
- 31 Tinder etiquette dos and don’ts
- The #1 opener that’s killing your Tinder convos
- An unwritten rule that can make or break your attraction
- The hack to bullet proof Tinder photos
- An original + minimal effort opener that gets a reply
- The 4-step-guide to writing a bio she enjoys
- And much more…
Important: Just letting you know I am currently letting guys use my Profile Checklist for free. It's a simple fill-in-the-blanks code that shows you what to change about your profile. It's the first step to getting all the matches you want. Get it here for free.
#1: Don’t start with “Hey”
Matching with a cutie only to scare her off with the first text freakin’ HURTS.
And it’s exactly what most men do when they text her this:
“Why would ‘Hey’ scare her off? It’s so non-threatening.”
Let me tell you, bro.
- It means you likely aren’t creative
- It shows you probably didn’t really check out her photos and bio (or else you would have something better to say)
- Most importantly, your ‘Hey’ forces her to put in effort
Since you’re leading the conversation to Boresville, she has to steer the conversation to Funtown.
That’s a 180! And those aren’t easy to pull off.
So unless she’s experienced, she replies:
I can hear wedding bells. #sarcasm
By now I’m sure you understand you want to be more exciting.
#2: Don’t ask her out in the first text (or the second!)
The instant date request is 69% more exciting than “Hey” but it decreases the chances of getting laid by 1337%.
Maybe not that much.
But asking her out in the first message is dangerous.
And for three reasons:
- It communicates you only want her for her looks (you don’t know her personality)
- You have low standards and are probably desperate for attention
- You’re probably not good with women (or else you’d try to actually seduce her)
None of these three points make her want you.
Unless you’re exactly her type or she’s desperate herself, expect a:
Another reason why you don’t want to come out the gate with a date invitation?
It’s hard to recover from.
Even when it’s a joke.
And that’s because of what you’ll learn in the next tip.
#3: Don’t think she can read TOV
This next insight will make your greatly improve your Tinder convos.
Ever sent a text you found hilarious and that she hated?
More than I can remember.
(Young me… so full of life, but o so little wisdom.)
And it taught me something incredibly valuable.
It’s often not the content that upsets her, it’s how she interprets your Tone Of Voice.
That joke is GOLD!
But because she couldn’t hear my hilarious bro sing the Batman soundtrack, the joke went over her head.
Luckily, it didn’t kill the conversation.
But other misinterpretations can.
To you, your text was just shits and giggles.
But to her, it was like putting a blowtorch to all her faith in man-kind.
And you don’t want to be the reason why she enlists in the feminist army to smash the patriarchy.
If she can read your text in an unplanned way, your tone of voice is bad.
#4: Don’t use too many emojis
Emojis help clarify tone of voice, but they can also turn you into a girl.
Figuratively speaking, of course.
On a serious note, using too many emojis make you seem bubbly and girly.
And unless you’re Mickey Mouse, you don’t want that.
More importantly, (most) women don’t want to date a feminine guy.
For reasons I won’t go into now, people usually want a partner who is their energetic opposite.
So if you’re both being feminine on Tinder, it’s not going to work out.
But if you let her spam girly emoticons while you stick to manly letters and punctuation, sparks will fly.
Talking about punctuation…
#5: Dont make grammer and spellink misstakes
A super easy way to increase her attraction for you is to be literate.
Your on a dating app now. Their is a time to grow up, and it’s now.
Yes, that was intentional.
But I bet you were seriously questioning my authority.
“Should I be learning Tinder etiquette from a guy who doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ / ‘you’re’ and ‘their’ / ‘there’?”
Even though I wrote four flawless tips, that one sentence is enough for you to label me as a person who eats soup with a fork.
So next time someone asks you how you’re doing, don’t answer:
Superman does good. You’re doing well.
And hopefully you…
#6 Don’t wrongly use group photos
Sure, the people in your photo are proof that you have friends, but your buddies are also blocking your donger.
Because she wants to recognize you within a glance.
The slightest doubt about who you are is enough for her to swipe left.
She’s not evil.
She just doesn’t have the luxury of time.
Especially when there’s literally hundreds of other dudes to choose from.
Tinder is no place to make her think.
It’s where you prove to her that you’re the star of the show.
Although there is a role for group photos on Tinder, we’re first going to discuss something else.
#7: Don’t be a creeper
Some women experience Tinder as a nightmare, and if you don’t know what’s in this tip, you may be the one giving her bad dreams.
This is only one of many horror scenarios my girlfriend and I dig into.
Don’t miss out.
You can find the video below:
#8: Don’t overthink timing
Hollywood is the reason my inbox is bursting with the next question:
“How long should I wait to text a girl after matching? Can I text her instantly or is it better to wait?”
Thank you film writers, especially the author from Swingers, for confusing my students.
You see, there’s this myth that you want to wait (3 days) before texting to create suspense and seem non-needy.
While there’s truth to that rule of thumb, timing is overrated.
Although it can be important, it’s almost always inferior to…
It’s what you say, not when that matters.
Which brings me to an overlooked but crucial point…
#9: Don’t text when you’re in a shitty mood
I don’t care if you’re Gandhi, we all have dips and get down on ourselves.
Except for Donald Trump.
Think what you want about his politics. But that man is a stone cold pimp.
You can catch him talking shit, and he won’t even blink. That man is a rock, or an orange with a wig.
For normies that do get rattled by life, we have to be mindful.
I’m not talking woo-woo mindful.
I mean you want to be aware of your mood and feelings.
Because if your texts come out of the wrong place, you will say something dumb.
So dumb, it can ruin your chances of ever seeing her.
Think about it.
Loneliness leads to needy texts.
Aggression to angry texts.
And joy to fun texts.
So if you’re not in good spirits, shut down Tinder and press your fun-buttons.
Fire up Netflix, play videogames, lift weights. Whatever makes you happy.
As long as you…
#10: Don’t do a studio photoshoot
The quality of professional photos is wild, but there’s a serious drawback.
And I’m not talking about the price.
Photo shoots look glamorous and fake.
It’s as if you live in a Disney movie.
And unless your dream girl likes a male Tinderella, it’s a major turn off.
Hiring a photographer is only worth it if:
- The photos are not inside a studio, but outdoors and candid
- You visit multiple locations and wear a different outfit for every new venue
Next you need a good bio, but…
#11: Don’t do the grocery list bio
Thank God for Tinder, because instead of using a Xanax, I go to sleep reading bio lists.
For the confused, here’s what I mean:
Now that I’ve enjoyed a nap, let me explain why these bios make me so drowsy.
Bella is an ‘explorer’, ‘dreamer’ and ‘idealist’. Which sounds deep, but her bio actually says: she travels and dreams of a better world.
Who does that remind you of? Right, 99.9% of the population.
Mary does a slightly better job of being unique. She likes ‘Las Vegas’, ‘singing’, ‘dancing’, ‘learning new languages’, and ‘meeting new people’.
Great, she’s an extrovert. Who shares the same hobbies as millions of other people.
Ana’s bio takes it all. She believes in ‘happiness’.
Yikes! I only believe in pain, gloom and doom.
Continue so you won’t make the next mistake.
#12: Don’t use all your Tinder photo slots
You’re about to find out why uploading 9 Tinder photos is BAD.
And you’re about to do it through a list:
- It’s excessive. Less photos do the job too
- It’s try hard. If you read between the lines it screams, “I put so much effort into this, please like me.”
- It kills the mystery.
The goal of your Tinder album is not to tell your life story and make her fall in love with you.
The point behind your Tinder photos is to spark interest.
So that she reads your bio or instantly swipes right.
4 to 5 photos are plenty.
Unless you make the next mistake.
In which case nothing will help you get more matches.
I of course mean…
#13: Don’t swipe everyone right
Swiping everyone right is effective because it saves time, but it also ruins your chances of getting matches.
Because the system is rigged against two sorts of people:
- The very lonely
- Creeps who want to rub up against anything remotely feminine with a pulse
And by swiping everyone right, that’s the group Tinder tossed you into.
Actually, Tinder doesn’t quite places you in a box of outcasts.
The dating app simply slashes your ELO-rating.
A rating that determines the sexy levels of your Tinder profile.
When Tinder sees you can’t swipe left….
You turn into the digital equivalent of the elephant man and barely ever pop up in a woman’s swiping stack.
So have some class and swipe selectively.
And you may also want to stay away from distasteful jokes.
#14: Don’t make jokes Tinder doesn’t like
If you don’t want to get banned, pay attention.
Big poppa T runs a no-nonsense operation.
He never laughs at your good jokes and when you make a bad one, you get hit with the banhammer.
So what makes for a bad joke?
- Anything involve race and religion
- Plus jokes that are flat out hurtful
- Anything that involves wanting money from your match.
Tinder’s mechanical eyes instantly assume the worst: you’re either a scammer or a bot.
And the dating app thankfully doesn’t have many of those… because they get smashed into another dimension.
#15: Don’t forget about your matches
The next Tinder blunder is killing all your matches.
And unlike Jason Voorhees, these murders can be stopped.
You see, most people on Tinder don’t like timewasters.
They swipe right to chat, not to collect matches.
And you probably share the same opinion.
But I’m willing to bet you still flubbed up and…
Waited longer than two days to text your match.
A couple of days may like nothing to you, but to others it’s a clear sign that you’re a goof-off.
And with no patience left, they unmatch you to make room for the active peeps.
Maybe part of why you wait to reply is because you’re a bit of a Scrooge McDuck.
Instead of using your matches, you like to bathe in them.
I’ve got some advice for you…
#16: Don’t get cocky, kid
Another common mistake that costs many men matches.
Perhaps it’s costing you matches too.
If you know women, you know they love confidence.
But they also hate arrogance.
And what separates the two is a fine line.
Let me show you a bio that rides that line.
Which way do you think it leans?
Confidence or arrogance?
You probably guessed it…
And also chaos.
What happens when you combine the two?
You get a bad profile that girls swipe left.
If you do want to be more of a challenge, like my buddy Julian, keep it playful.
Playfulness pulls you back to confidence and gets your profile swiped right.
If matches are important to you…
#17: Don’t use dumb pick up lines
Pick up lines are great, but 90% of them suck.
Don’t take my word for it.
There’s an Instagram called tindernightmares filled with bad pick up lines.
It’s got 2.1 million followers.
Here’s a couple examples I picked out at random:
Not that bad. Short and topical. (Y)
The problem with most bad Tinder pick up lines is that they are:
- OVERLY sexual. We get it, she’s hot and you want to stick your manhood inside her.
- Not very clever.
Unlike this one:
No matter how often I read it, it always makes me chuckle.
1. Puts her on a pedestal as you grovel through the dirt. For all you know she might be the scum of the earth and abuse KitKats.
2. Forces her to decide whether she likes you before she knows you
Put these four points together and you get a big chance of rejection.
That was 16 Tinder etiquette don’ts (I even threw in a bonus tip).
Now let’s get to the Tinder etiquette dos!
#18: Do balance your texts and questions
Not to scare you, but if you suck at texting, you’re signing the death sentence of your sex life.
Sign on the dotted line, please.
Thank goodness you’re about to learn all you need to know to be a texting BEAST.
When texting you can basically get it wrong in one of two ways:
- You text too little
- You text too much
Most dudes are thirsty bois, so texting too little is rare.
The most common texting mistake is blowing up her Tinder inbox.
Because they’re so focused on seeing her, most guys forget all about flirting and become super needy.
Almost every text is sent to force a reaction out of her.
And to make sure she does, most dudes send a swarm of texts.
Questions, stories, compliments. You name it.
The average Joe plays Tinder like it’s a game of Battleship.
“If I just send enough, one of my texts will hit one of her interests.”
Which kind of makes sense.
But an assault on her inbox does only scares her into hiding.
The key to good texting is matching her input.
If you are asking 3 questions for every 1 she sends you, you’re overdoing it.
Find out how to recover from your over-enthusiasm in my article on Overtexting: When do you text a girl too much?
#19: Do put effort into your Tinder profile
Learn what the fu#$% a ‘good’ Tinder profile actually is.
Having a good Tinder profile is common sense and yet 90% of guys get it wrong.
Clearly it’s not as easy as it sounds.
So where does it go wrong?
Let’s get into the most common issues with photos:
- The quality is bad
- The same pose is repeated
- The photos don’t tell a story
Because quality is a big topic, let’s stick with that.
As mentioned earlier, the studio shoot is no guarantee for high quality Tinder photos.
Sure the technical quality is high.
But professional photos often look set up and lack authenticity.
And because Tinder is not an advertisement, authenticity matters.
A Tinder photo is a snapshot into your life. A taste of what it’s like to be with you.
And fakery tastes bad.
You may have read you can create attraction by wearing red.
And a study indeed claims wearing red makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.
But the red dress effect has been debunked.
Rather than pin your hopes on your red sweater, create an attractive Tinder profile with my checklist.
Answer a list of questions and find the flaws and fixes to your Tinder profile.
Get my free checklist HERE.
#20: Do proofread your bio
No matter if you look like Jason Momoa, you can under no circumstances make the next mistake.
Grammatical errors and/or spelling mistakes.
And I don’t care if you’re a published author, English teacher or certified genius…
Check. Your. Bio.
Because even if your brilliance earned you multiple awards, if you write ‘butt’ as ‘but’, she will think you’re an ass.
The spelling snafu also squeezes all the fun out of my buddy’s joke.
To prevent communicating you’re dumb, you proofread your bio.
Which happens to be question #35 from my free Dating Profile Checklist.
Download it HERE.
#21: Do write an original bio
After applying what’s in this tip, your bio will spark enough interest to get your type of girl to swipe you right.
With so many tips out there, writing an about me text is confusing.
I’m going to iron out the confusion.
The best Tinder bios achieve 4 goals:
- They grab her attention
- They don’t make the author seem like a thirsty boi
- They make her laugh
- They’re original
Now you know what to do, on to the next tip.
Creating the perfect bio is a tall order.
Especially if you have no inspiration.
So let’s start there.
Check out my 30+ Funny Tinder Bios article and write down what you like.
Meanwhile, I’ll explain how to put that new-found inspiration to good use.
If you read through my Funny Tinder Bios article, you now have a boatload of good lines.
The biggest mistake you can make now is to sow them together into one bio.
You’ll simply end up with a Frankenstein and scare off the ladies.
Instead you want to choose a single theme.
Do you want your bio to be sexual?
About a specific hobby?
Or just a joke you love?
Pick a topic that you think attracts the type of person you want to be with.
And use other successful bios as inspiration.
Do go write your damn best Tinder bio and show me what you got!
#22: Do shoot photos with lots of contrast
Learn to make your photos bullet proof.
Get the new Tinder Kevlar upgrade.
If you want to make your Tinder pictures irresistible…
Dial up the contrast.
You want to stand out in the online dating world, and contrast literally helps you do that.
Let me first show you a picture of what not to do.
By no means is this a bad photo.
But because it doesn’t make me want to stop swiping, it’s not great.
Compare that to the next picture.
TONS of contrast.
And do you feel what it does?
It pulls your attention and makes you want to keep looking.
Neuroscientists are on the same page: the clearer the subject, the more attracted we are.
So crank up the contrast.
Is your hair dark? Make the background extra light.
Is your hair light? Make the background extra dark.
Next up, lines that work.
#23: Do use tried and tested lines
Get my secret weapon and never worry about what to say again.
Whether it’s an opener that gets a reply…
A fun way to keep the conversation going…
Or how to ask her out on a Tinder date…
My 10 Text Tinder package has what you need.
And it won’t cost you a penny.
You can find my 10 Texts here
#24: Do lead to the date
If you can’t spot if the next line is good or bad, you’re in trouble.
Again, does that text sound good or bad to you?
Really think about it now.
If you thought ‘bad’ you are horribly… RIGHT!
Did you say ‘good’?
Because you get to learn even more.
The majority of guys, even the ones who can get lots of matches, aren’t the best at asking girls out.
For starters, they wait too long to do it.
Giving them Tinder conversations that put the Dead Sea Scrolls to shame.
And the reason dudes wait to ask her out, is because they can’t recognise the right moment.
That moment deserves an article of its own.
Read all about it in my article, How To Ask Her Out.
Or if you’re done reading, watch my video on how to ask girls out over text below.
Next we discuss another key element of Tinder etiquette.
#25: Do link to your Instagram
This topic is highly controversial.
Some people are for linking Instagram, others are against.
The definitive answer?
Link your Instagram only if it’s good.
Your profile is only as strong as its weakest photo.
One photo where you look like Mister Potatohead and she swipes left.
If your photos can pass the hard but righteous TextGod Checklist, your Tinder album is bulletproof.
But if your Insta doesn’t match the same standards, and you link it anyway, your Tinder profile turns impotent.
Before you skip the ‘gram altogether, know this.
Linking your Instagram boosts your Tinder rating, giving you more likes on Tinder.
And it makes her feel more confident that you’re not a bot or catfish.
#26: Do choose an anthem
In the war on grabbing her attention, your anthem may be your best weapon.
Few things do a better job of hitting our emotional chords than music.
So an anthem plus a good set of photos can be enough for her to want to match you.
Or, of course, to ignore you.
But my taste in music is immaculate.
As my Tinder match agrees.
She loved my anthem so much, she swiped me right AND sent me the first text.
So your favorite song can be a great conversation starter.
Although I’d stay away from picking your favorite if it’s a really obscure German-screaming-heavy metal song.
You may tell yourself you want someone who likes you for you.
But there is such a thing as being too unique too fast.
Instead of putting down your #1 tune, consider communicating your funny side with Celine Dion’s All By Myself.
Or how you’re a bit of a challenge with Shania Twain’s That Don’t Impress Me Much or Rihanna’s B*tch Better Have My Money.
Do you like to dance? How about Whitney Houston’s I Want To Dance With Somebody.
Plenty of options to go for.
Get creative, buddy.
#27: Do use GIFs
Next up, making her day without any effort.
So you got a new match in need of an earth-shattering opener.
You open the chat and wait for lightning to strike.
But Zeus apparently has his day off.
So you give up and shut down Tinder.
While I’m all for catching lightning in a bottle.
That game of catch is mad difficult.
Plus, sometimes you just don’t want to put in that level of effort.
So what do you do?
You send her a dickpick or emoti-penis.
Then she sends you a bigger one back and says:
For the record, none of these things should happen.
Except on opposite day.
What you really want to do is send her a GIF that spikes her emotions.
In this case new is better.
So stay away from the overused Tinder recommendations.
How do you know what GIF to send?
Make it relevant.
Comb through her bio and photos and jot down (or remember) anything that stands out.
Lots of jewellery?
Next, type any of your findings in the little GIF search bar.
Then send the GIF that you find the most funny.
Presto, you just opened her with minimal effort while standing out from the rest.
#28: Do work the Tinder algorithm
I don’t care if you’re Playgirl model, if you don’t play nice with the algorithm, you’re up Shit creek without a paddle.
Tinder’s algorithm rates and ranks your profile based on your behavior.
- Swiping habits (how picky you are)
- Quality of your photos
- Time spent reading her bio
- How many photos you go through before you swipe left or right
- Whether you click on her Instagram or Anthem
- And more
While you could once swipe right without consequence, gaming the system now gets your profile tossed in the gutter.
To improve your matches, you want to work together with the system and improve your ELO-rating.
A high rating gets you shown to the most desired (most swiped right profiles) on Tinder.
So if you have proper Tinder etiquette, you get rewarded with better matches.
One of the easiest ways to improve your ELO is to fill out your bio.
Fill in every slot of your Tinder profile and get rewarded with a higher ranking.
That simply means not to leave anything unanswered.
Filling up your entire profile until its bursting doesn’t give you more points.
#29: Do analyze your photos
What you think is your best photo could actually be your worst.
Consider this old photo of mine:
It was taken during a video where I was interviewing women about their first kiss.
And when I first saw this picture, I thought “Nice!”
“Intense look, a Spanish suntan, plus a sneak peak of the gunshow.”
I definitely thought this photo would make the ladies swoon.
But before I uploaded this work of art to Tinder, I got it rated on Photofeeler.
The results were shocking.
Apparently I looked:
- And… AVERAGE
Many hours of weeping later, I called my photographer friend and got new photos taken.
If you want your Tinder photos to be the best they can be, run them by Photofeeler.
Some results may sting a little.
But your increase in matches are all the comfort you need.
#30: Do have photos with different flavors
Learn how to create the perfect Tinder portfolio.
Most dudes choose their Tinder photos by entering their photo album and picking the pictures where they look best.
Not a horrible strategy, but not great either.
Looking good is only part of a quality Tinder photo. Specifically, your first.
To maximize your matches, you want to show off your personality too.
That’s what the rest of your photos are for.
So how do you show off your personality?
If you’re a smiley person, get a candid shot of yourself slapping your knees.
Are you a nomad? Have a photo of yourself sitting on the dunes of the Sahara, or high-fiving a Tibetan monk.
Do you like art? Create a black and white masterpiece.
Are you the new Charlie Chaplin? Photograph yourself wearing a fake moustache and fez.
Can you play a guitar like it’s no one’s business? Show yourself shredding it on stage.
Whatever it is you love to do, show it off!
Have every photo add to the strength of your profile.
#31: Do talk to all your matches (even the ones you don’t like anymore)
Talking to all your matches is important, but not for the obvious reason.
You see, a tsunami of texts teaches women to be fast decision makers.
With dozens of guys talking to her at the same time, she has no intention of chatting with all of them.
Just a couple.
So as the heys and hellos are pouring into her inbox, she’s thinking one thing:
Is he a stud or a dud?
Which she usually decides in 1 to 3 texts.
That dude is a dude she ignores.
This G is a stud she adores.
Returning back on track, sneaking through her minefield of rejection is a tough but crucial skill to master.
Even if she isn’t your type.
Because if you aren’t ready to charm a girl you don’t like, how are you ready to seduce the girl of your dreams?
That brings us to the end of the 30 Tinder etiquette dos and don’ts.
But before we call it a day, I have a present for you.
The (free) Clickbait Opener to guarantee her reply + 2 follow-up lines and 7 screenshot examples.
Check it out below, amigo.
And don't forget your download below ;)
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