Team TextGod is a big fan of Tinder.
It’s given us countless dates and great experiences.
But in rare cases, Tinder dates go wrong.
It’s important to be aware of the Tinder date dangers.
No matter how TINY the odds.
Read on and you’ll get:
- 2 Tinder dates gone wrong
- A wonderful blend of info and entertainment.
- 16 Times Tinder conversations went wrong (+ screens)
- 3 Funny Tinder screenshots that show you how easy it is to get laid
- Bonus: Tinder gone RIGHT (sometimes it does work out)
- And much more…
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#1: The restaurant that serves removes Tinder catfish
The next restaurant thought up a genius way to save customers from HORRIBLE dates.
It happens to the best of us.
Maybe you were swiping too fast without looking.
Perhaps the photos were manipulated with filters.
Whatever your excuse, you ended up on a date with someone you didn’t recognize.
Although it rarely happens, it still sucks when your date is a catfish.
Not only is he or she not who you thought, but you have to end the date early.
An uncomfortable task.
A UK restaurant understands your dating needs.
When you walk through the door, you’re greeted by a sign.
“Tinder Date Gone Wrong?”
“Doesn’t look like his picture, or just plain weird?”
“If you’re on a date and it’s not going well. Come to the bar and ask for Rachelle or Jennifer and we’ll get you out of it and/or get you a taxi.”
A great and much-needed idea.
I wonder if they also kick out badly behaving relatives.
Because then I know where I’ll be inviting the family for Christmas dinner.
Thankfully, increasingly more bars and cafés are starting to offer similar services as part of the, Ask for Angela campaign.
Are you on a Tinder date and feel uncomfortable or even in danger?
Walk up to the bar and ask for ‘Angela’.
She doesn’t exist.
But a staff member will instantly understand your situation and escort you to safely, or ask your date to leave.
Which, as you’ll soon see, can be a lifesaver.
#2: A Colombian Tinder date goes six feet deep
In the right setting, blindfolds are kinky, but in other times a weapon of terror.
Meet Ruben, a Belgian man who was on a holiday in Medellin, Colombia.
Ruben matched with a girl on Tinder and set plans for a date.
The two met up in a bar and quickly hit it off.
Within 30 minutes, she invited Ruben over to her aunt’s place.
“Colombians often invite people over,” says Ruben, “so I didn’t think much of it.”
His date hailed a cab and gave directions for her aunt’s house.
After a short drive, the taxi stopped and two armed men got inside the car.
One held a knife, the other a taser.
To show he meant business, he pressed the taser into the necks of the two lovebirds and let the sparks fly.
The thugs then kicked out the cabbie, threw a bag over Ruben’s head and drove to a small village far from Medellin.
There Ruben was shoved into a sewage pipe.
While one stood guard, his date went to his flat and took everything of worth.
Despite the taser incident, she was apparently part of the setup.
When she returned, she ordered Ruben to transfer his money into her bank account using his smartphone.
For every failure to comply, he’d lose one of his fingers.
To make matters worse, Ruben was forced to smoke a pipe filled with drugs.
Probably to confuse him.
After Ruben wired over the money, he spent the night underground with a noose around his neck.
The noose was tied to his feet.
If he stretched his legs, he’d strangle himself.
So Ruben spent the entire night in the fetus position.
The next morning he was brought to a love hotel close to the bar of the first date.
When Ruben woke up out of his drug daze, he saw that his guard was sleeping.
He used this opportunity to break free and run outside onto the street.
Almost all Ruben’s clothes were removed, so he was running through the streets wearing nothing but his underwear.
Naturally, nobody would help a half-naked, screaming gringo.
After wandering the streets long enough, a pair of security guards brought him inside a bank.
And later to the Belgian consulate of Medellin.
The consulate gave him a temporary passport which he used to fly back to Belgium.
Although the investigation is still running, local authorities revealed the felons are professionals.
A few months before Ruben, a Turkish-Canadian professor was robbed and found dead.
He was drugged and died of an overdose.
If Ruben didn’t escape, he may have suffered the same fate.
Luckily for you and I, most of these tragic events happen far from home.
But sometimes, Tinder goes wrong AT home.
#3: Tinder gone wrong, first world edition
“His teeth imprint is still in my arm, and he still has scars on his hand from where I pressed out a cigarette.”
That shocking sentence was said by 26-year-old Kim.
She’s a Dutch student who downloaded Tinder to find a fuckbuddy.
After a few days of swiping, Kim eventually found a guy who she liked.
And decided to meet up with him at his house.
The idea was that it was going to be just the two of them.
But when she arrived, Tom’s roommate was with another girl from Tinder.
Kim’s special evening suddenly turned into a double date.
Being a trooper, she shrugged off her discomfort and chose to stay.
The four students had a few drinks and all was well.
Until Tom began to flirt with his roommate’s lady friend.
Tom didn’t even try to hide his interest for the other girl.
Naturally, Kim got extremely jealous.
But she bottled up her feelings and none were the wiser.
It wasn’t until Tom’s roommate took his date outside to buy vodka, that the lid on Kim’s emotions blew off.
Fueled by cheap wine, Kim yelled obscenities at Tom and began a huge fight.
The shouting soon turned into scratching and biting.
Before she knew what was going on, Tom was hanging onto her arm like a rottweiler.
And Kim was pressing out a red hot cigarette on Tom’s hand.
With the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, the two stopped fighting.
And tended to their wounds.
After Kim rinsed out the gash in her arm, she secretly made a phone call to her drug dealer.
As she waited for her dealer to arrive, she joined the others and threw back some shots of the newly bought vodka.
By the time her dealer arrived, Kim was wasted.
Eager to get back at Tom, she made out with the dealer as payback for flirting with the other girl.
“That made me feel powerful,” says Kim.
The other girl couldn’t handle her liquor and spent the next half hour hanging over the toilet bowl.
When her tummy had nothing left to give, Tom’s roommate called an Uber.
The remaining three, however, did MORE shots and ordered MORE drugs.
Kim eventually crawled into Tom’s bed, but woke up to the sound of loud music.
Wearing only her panties, she went into the living room and got up onto the table with the other guys.
She danced until her legs gave up.
Next, she led Tom into the bedroom and slept with him.
The following day Tom called Kim’s work to say she’s sick.
And Kim called Tom’s secretary to say a relative died.
She still feels guilty about lying.
“It was such a terribly bad evening…
But at the same time, very liberating.”
Kim’s Tinder date didn’t get her kidnapped like Ruben.
But it did give her a scar she has to carry until the end of her days.
Worse still, she woke up with a headache that could kill a moose. #Let’sKeepItLight
Tinder doesn’t only go wrong on the first date.
Sometimes it goes wrong on the app.
Tinder gone wrong, chat edition
See knee-slapping screenshots of Tinder conversations gone wrong.
The internet is filled with Tinder success stories.
Romantic dates, eternal love, or an old fashioned hookup.
But on the rare occasion, Tinder goes wrong.
And matches you with the worst douchenozzle or thundercunt.
More often than not, your match is not a pissflap.
But a person who just doesn’t get it.
Whatever it may be.
Bad intentions or not, Tinder chats gone wrong are often hilarious.
Let’s get into it.
#4: The creepy
Sure, Tinder is known as the app for getting laid.
And women know this.
But what Dakota clearly didn’t know, is that women like to be won over.
Girls don’t want to feel like a $5 hooker.
They want to feel special.
So Dakato’s “You horny?”-line was doomed to fail from the start.
#5: The douchenozzle
This dude is straight up being an a-hole.
Which makes us good guys stand out.
Hopefully he gets banned before he scares off all the women.
#6: The illiterate
You may not think it, but grammar mistakes make you look incredibly dumb.
Shakespeare over here has no excuses.
He actually went out of his way to prove his ignorance.
#7: The interviewer
Ask dumb questions, get dumb answers.
Firing trivial Tinder questions at your match is a bad strategy.
It’s lazy and boring.
Ideally, every text you send moves the conversation closer to the date.
By raising the emotions of your match, and making her want to meet up with you.
So you can ask questions, as long as you make them exciting.
#8: The oblivious
Every time she runs into him now, she calls him BJ.
Being super sexual at the start is rarely a good move.
Especially if you accidentally ask your neighbor for a blowjob.
#9: The roaster
Her tongue lashing turned his face into a bleeding skull.
Personally, I don’t feel like this is a Ti… Bumble conversation gone wrong.
I like a woman with a good sense of humor.
But some men may be put off by strong women like her.
#10: The misinterpretor
If possible, I’d insert a small soundbite of me slowly clapping.
Because that reply is BRILLIANT.
Want to know what’s also brilliant?
The 10 Texts That Always Work, used by team TextGod and I.
With these 10 texts, the days of not knowing what to say are a thing of the past.
Do you need a tease to grab her interest?
Or need a smooth way to ask her out?
The 10 Texts have got you covered.
I also wrote an article about Hinge openers, check it out.
#11: The party-pooper
Too smart for her own good.
This girl’s quick wit got in the way of a good dicking session of lovemaking.
I’m glad Noah had enough self-respect to not chase her.
He deserves a girl who doesn’t ruin his jokes.
#12: The married
The girl got more than what she bargained for.
Points for him being truthful?
I also can’t help but chuckle at his commitment to his weak opener:
#13: The Jar Jar
When you match with an employee from Apple.
My guess is that our bro’s opener got inspired by her Tinder bio.
And sent her a classic tease to rile her up.
She doesn’t give two hoots about his line though.
And stops him right in his tracks:
Our buddy first thinks it’s a joke, but soon finds out she’s dead serious.
Knowing the game is up, he goes for the jugular.
#14: The insecure
Men aren’t the only merchants of venom.
“You go girl!”
Which is also what my dad told me when the Boy Scouts dropped the word ‘Boy’ from their name.
#15: The wonderfully naive
Sure you will, buddy.
Honestly, it’s not a horrible line.
The trouble is that he didn’t ask her if she was open for a cheesy opener.
Now she thinks he’s a dumbass.
And he has no way to prove her otherwise.
#16: The confused
Nothing gay about sucking dick.
#17: The jobless
But also a good opportunity for learning.
You see, our bro made a common Tinder mistake.
He went with a controversial opener.
And knowing it may ruffle a few feathers, he tries to make it more palatable with a smiley.
Which takes away from the line’s power.
And makes him seem a bit insecure.
Not a great look.
Anyway, onto more laughs!
#18: The inexperienced
Nice try, amigo.
The two lines are pretty clever.
Sadly, he didn’t know that not all women appreciate being called thick.
And now she’s going to unmatch him.
#19: The young
As funny as many of these screenshots were, let’s look at examples where Tinder goes RIGHT.
When Tinder goes right
See how quickly you can jump into bed with your match when Tinder goes right.
1. Start a family
2. Bite off her clit (please don’t)
What a rollercoaster.
Are you also pitching a tent right now?
3. When she’s SUPER into you
Need I post more?
Despite the VERY rare chance of kidnapping or getting your arm chewed off, Tinder is a great way to meet women.
And improve your sex life.
That almost wraps up Tinder gone wrong and right.
Before I leave, I have a gift for you.
Do you want to more matches?
Download the Dating Profile Checklist.
It shows you exactly what you need to improve to get a bulletproof Tinder profile.
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