You have a first Tinder date planned.
Rather than fall on your face, you want the meet up to go perfectly.
Read on and get:
- 22 Tips for a perfect first Tinder meet up
- How to ask her out without seeming desperate
- 8 Stress-free date ideas that will excite your date
- An easy fix to gain +2 sexy levels
- #1 Thing that makes a meet up awkward
- 3 Texts that never fail to impress
- A date strategy that will 69x your hookups
- And much more…
Before you get into the tips, here’s a video I made specifically for the article.
In this video you’ll discover the 10 Don’ts that ruin your Tinder meet up:
#1: Where to meet up for your first Tinder date
Meeting up from Tinder at home is the biggest mistake you can make.
Can you guess why?
In case you’re a male, you might not click well and now you’re stuck at your place.
In case you’re a female, you aren’t sure yet if the man is a creep.
Even when it’s 100% safe, meeting up at home is not ideal.
Dating is a nerve-racking experience.
- You don’t know if you’ll be liked
- You don’t know if your match is a catfish
- You don’t know if the other person likes pineapple pizza. Ielgh.
With all these unknowns, you don’t want to add another mystery to the equation.
The ‘mystery’ meaning your house.
She doesn’t know what to expect.
Your date will feel much more comfortable meeting on neutral territory.
Like a town square, train station, or supermarket.
The importance of comfort can’t be overstated.
If all she feels is nerves, there is no room for attraction.
No attraction? No kiss, hookup, or second date.
So focus on making her feel at ease. Meet up on neutral grounds.
Where do you meet?
#2: Three Tinder date locations that help build attraction
If you want to build attraction, meet your Tinder match at the next locations and venues.
Not to beat an old horse (I prefer to beat my meat), the first step of seduction is…
Do it right and soon she’ll give you plenty of suction.
Here are some comfort raising locations to meet:
1. The outdoor skating rink in winter
It’s out in the open.
And it’s festive.
A super stress relieving combo.
Plus, you can do lots of people watching. Which takes the pressure off the conversation.
And if you or she are feeling particularly nervous, you can hire a few skates and hop onto the ice.
No talking, just two people holding onto each other, struggling to stay standing.
Aww… so romantic.
2. The park in the summer
Nothing quiets down the nerves like mother nature.
Breathe in the summer breeze and feel the stress leave your body.
Simply stroll through the park as you walk to your date destination.
If you’re a fan of the outdoors, you can also bring a thick blanket with a bottle of pinot and set up camp in the grass.
Then you can look at the clouds together while you get shitfaced.
3. Daytime coffee date
A café is safe in more than one way.
Firstly, she feels at ease.
And, it’s also safe because it gives you the chance to bring the date to an early end.
That may sound like a curveball.
Let me explain.
Sometimes, you’re not really sure about someone you met on Tinder.
She seems cute, but maybe also a bit off.
Rather than giving her a prime time evening slot, I give her an undisclosed afternoon slot.
We meet up after work for coffee. And if my date is not a fit, I call it quits after one cup.
I get out without wasting time.
And she isn’t fussed because the date was low-key.
8 PM meetups carry different social expectations.
For some reason, the evening feels more special and romantic.
If you’re in doubt about the meet up with your Tinder match, go for a daytime date.
On the subject of playing it safe…
If you already caught feelings for your Tinder match, you may not want to.
Which is a far greater DANGER.
Read on to see why.
#3: The most common mistake before meeting up
Tinder may not be what you think it is.
The dating app is known as the go-to for hookups and getting laid online.
And it also plays cupid for many happy couples.
So some enthusiasm for Tinder is great.
But keep it real.
Not every match is your soulmate or your future bed sheets buddy.
Tinder is simply a tool to meet people.
Not a magic spell that summons your perfect partner out of thin air.
If you can’t keep your expectations in check, every failed conversation or date feels like a rejection.
Making you feel terrible.
So how can you feel good about yourself while meeting new people?
By keeping it real.
And as someone who has far too many years of experience with dating apps, I know exactly what to expect.
Here come the numbers for the rookie Tinder user:
For every 20 matches you get, 10 may ghost.
And only 1 to 3 will agree to go out with you.
These numbers are not blows to your self-esteem.
Because it’s not YOU who gets rejected.
Do you get few matches? Your photos are either poor quality, or tell a boring story.
(If you get no matches at all then you may be Shadowbanned.)
Don’t your conversations lead to dates? Your texts probably aren’t fun enough.
The problem isn’t YOU, but your online persona.
A match who ghosts you is no reason to devour a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
A Tinder rejection is NO BIG DEAL, because she doesn’t know you.
It also works the opposite way.
Does your heart flutter with every text Jenny sends you?
Let this be your wakeup call:
You have NO idea who the person on the other end is, until you’ve been physically dating for several months.
“Hi, my name is Kat and I love to fish.”
If you sense yourself catching feelings for some pixels on your smartphone, you’re in too deep.
Take a cold shower, watch an episode of Catfish and lower your expectations.
Bonus: How to ask a girl out over text
How most men ask girls out is… shockingly ineffective.
*hurls up Doritos*
If your breakfast is still safely resting inside your belly, you probably don’t see the filth.
Let me explain what’s so bad about the line above:
- The text sounds professional, rather than exciting.
- ‘A date’ could mean anything.
- It screams insecurity. You don’t sound convinced she wants to go out with you.
To be fair, the above method may succeed if she’s already bought in.
But the lack of assertiveness definitely hurts your sexy levels.
To achieve maximum attraction, you want to be confident.
The way to do this, is by assuming she wants to go out with you.
Find out what that looks like in my video on how to ask a girl out over text:
Plus, you’ll learn how to get her excited to go on a date with you. Just in case she didn’t already want to.
When you’re finished watching, we’ll move onto the date.
#4: Five date ideas that reduce conversation stress
90% of guys take Tinder dates so seriously, that the mood gets crushed and she loses interest.
Whereas the vibe you want to shoot for is easygoing fun.
The easiest way to reach that blasé mood is by picking an outdoor activity you’d do by yourself.
Preferably not jackin’ the beanstalk.
When you can’t climax unless you wear a Batman suit and jerk it in front of your neighbor’s sprinklers at midnight.
Preferably choose a public pastime that doesn’t get you thrown behind bars.
Some lowkey date ideas:
- Your favorite lunch café
- Trip to the beach (you can bring your dog if you have one)
- A theatre festival
- Outdoor cinema
- Flea market
The beauty of these activities is that they don’t feel like a traditional date.
You know, where you dryly sit in front of each other for hours in a ritzy Starbucks.
The above venues, however, give you plenty of entertainment for your senses.
That way you don’t need to constantly entertain your date.
#5: A commonly made oversight that kills attraction
It’s embarrassing, but a select few of you BADLY need to hear the next advice.
Girls notice much more than you think.
- She knows when you’ve worn the same shoes for six months.
- She sees the teeny hairs between your eyebrows.
- She smells the soap you use.
- And she instantly spots the dirt under your fingernails.
Why do girls pay attention to all these details?
Because they matter to her.
And if you want women in your life, these fine points matter to you too.
That means regularly grooming your beard and body hair, replacing your hole-filled briefs, a solid hygiene routine, and spraying on cologne.
I know, bro, putting so much effort into appearances sucks.
If it was socially acceptable, I’d look like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
Look, there’s no need to obsess over looks.
But taking care of yourself shows that you respect yourself and have your life in order.
So let me help you become the sexiest version of yourself:
- Don’t use too much gel or wax. If she likes you, ladies want to run their fingers through your hair. And they don’t like it sticky.
- Next time you take a shaver to your face, also visit your ears, nose and that spot in between your eyebrows. While you’re at it, cut down any hairs on your neck.
- Take care of your hands. For my gym bros, that doesn’t just mean cutting your fingernails. Also get rid of your calluses or moisturize to make your skin soft. Quick tip: Some girls like rough skin, be sure to ask her if you keep dating.
#6: The easiest way to gain +2 sexy levels
Anyone can learn seduction, but some paths bring you to Vegana Valley faster than others.
I know you’ve thought about what women find attractive in men.
The first qualities that pop into your mind are probably:
- A washboard.
- A jawline that can stop a freight train.
- And lots of money.
I won’t beat around the bush, women like those attributes in men.
But if you can’t do a situp to save your life, haven’t been blessed with good genes, or are working as a slave intern…
You can still create attraction.
Through a simple trick no less.
Most men wear deodorant so they don’t stink. But almost no man wears perfume that makes him smell good.
Something you probably don’t know about me:
If I wasn’t working in the dating industry, I’d have my own eau de Louis.
Here are three perfumes I recommend you try:
- Chanel’s Blue De Chanel
- Dolce & Gabbana’s The One
- Armani’s Acqua Di Giò Profumo
As for where to wear your new scent?
In the office: a spritz beneath each of your ears.
On the date: beneath both ears and on the inside of your wrists.
#7: How to prevent a horrifying Tinder meet up
There are few things more terrifying for a woman than to meet up with someone from Tinder and…
Seeing him wearing a complete tuxedo.
Don’t see the terror?
Let me reverse the roles.
Imagine you are about to meet your Tinder date.
And as you walk up to the venue, you see her already waiting in a bright white wedding dress.
Coach Dan actually experienced something similar.
Suffice to say, the date didn’t go well…
A clear mismatch in outfits quickly turns a date awkward.
Which is what you want to avoid if you want to see her again.
While I rarely get girls to overdress when the date is lowkey, she may pull out all the stops if I take her out to someplace fancy.
Especially women aged over 30, or those looking for a relationship, tend to dress up.
So if that’s the case, inform her about the dress code.
Or more confident:
Or a bit cockier:
On the subject of footwear…
#8: The first thing women look at during the Tinder meet up
The next nugget of wisdom cannot be underestimated if you want to attract women.
I’ve heard it said by sales(wo)men, girlfriends, and by working girls in a documentary on prostitutes in the Red Light District.
Whenever these people stuck a label on someone, it was based on their shoes.
Shoes reveal a lot about your personality.
According to the latest insights on pop psychology, dress shoes show you’re a reliable go-getter and sneakers say you’re young and hip.
But I’ve seen millionaires wear worn-out Nikes and drug dealers rock $1,000 brogues.
If you’re knee-deep into shoe science, the above example still makes sense.
You can argue that the drug dealer wants to show off his wealth. So he buys the shoes that everybody recognizes as expensive.
Whereas the millionaire is modest and thrifty. He prefers to spend his hard-earned smackeroos by investing in his business, rather than splurge it on footwear.
When women see footwear, many of them turn into Dr. Phil. Only with more hair and hopefully a more feminine face.
Which means you need to wear shoes that send the right message.
Quick personal story: When I once brought a girl home from the club, she told me later that I instantly stuck out from the rest because of my nice shoes.
Here are my two cents on foot attire:
- If you’re in your twenties or younger, go with whatever you feel comfortable with. Sneakers, work boots, slip ons. All good. Just never wear sandals or flip-flops again. Showing toes is NOT sexy.
- If you’re 30+, you want to toss any flamboyant sneakers into the trash. Keep your trainers low-profile and clean. Next, you want to show your maturity with leather. Work boots, hiking boots, penny loafers, chukkas. Pick your favorite.
#9: How to avoid an awkward start to your meet up
You obviously don’t want to make the date awkward, but how do you know what to AVOID?
Well, one of the most obvious things you shouldn’t do is…
M’lady and me.
A handshake is what you do with colleagues or acquaintances.
But never a girl you’re dating.
Not only is the handshake overly formal, it creates a big distance between the two of you.
Cultures over the world greatly differ.
So I sadly can’t give you a one-size-fits-all greeting.
Girls in California thought I was nuts when I tried to greet them with a kiss on the cheek.
So use your common sense.
Are cheek kisses not done in the country you’re from?
Then don’t try.
While you may think you’re honoring her personal space, you’re actually communicating:
“Hi, I rarely touch women and I’m afraid to get any closer.”
Hardly the message you want to give her.
The only thing worse than a handshake would be a handwave.
So what is a good start to the date?
#10: How to raise sparks with the greeting
To greet her like an old pal does NOT mean…
That you cry your eyes out and squeeze her into your chest while you whisper sweet nothings into her ear for three minutes.
Greeting like an old friend DOES mean to give her a big, warm hug.
To offer you some guidance, here are some steps to follow:
- Smile and call out “Heeey” as soon as you see her.
- Walk calmly into her direction.
- And when you’re a few steps away, spread open your arms and slightly twist your head to the side. I tend to go left. The head twist shows you have no intentions to kiss her.
- Now wrap your arms around her.
- Make sure your feet are underneath your torso and not behind. Some guys plant their feet and lean forward, but that’s a no-go.
- Once you’re pecs to boobs, and your arms are around her, finish off the hug with a firm but gentle squeeze.
If you complete these steps successfully, the hug will surely be a hit.
One last word of advice: I prefer to hug for about three seconds, but some girls are shyer. If you feel she’s a bit hesitant, make it a quick touch and go. No more than a second.
#11: This is how you ruin a meet up in 60 seconds
A lady friend of mine was super excited to go on a date, but her date ruined it in seconds.
She made sure to tell me all about it.
Before she even spoke a word, her face told me everything.
“He ruined the date before it even started!” she said.
“We met up. Chatted a bit. And then it happened.”
“I asked him what the plans were and he replied:
‘I don’t know. What do you wanna do?’”
“That was SUCH a turnoff! I can’t feel relaxed and feminine with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants.”
It’s not the first time I’ve heard this complaint.
When it comes to dating, women want to unwind and go with the flow.
Which is hard to do if the date flows like a leaky faucet.
What does this mean for you?
Prepare the date.
Or at the very least, lead the date so she doesn’t have to make any choices.
And if she doesn’t like your plan, she’ll definitely tell you.
#12: The trick to getting a second date
The guys who have the most success with women plan out their dates, or have planned out so many dates they no longer need to.
So what does a successful dating strategy look like?
- You meet on neutral grounds. The town square. A local monument. Or a train station. The easier it is to find, the better.
- Your neutral territory should be roughly five minutes away from your first date venue. Why? So that both of you can walk off the nerves and get used to each other.
- Idle chit-chat. The first 10 or so minutes of conversation should be nice and light. I like to summarize my day.
- After five minutes you want to reach your first destination. Thanks to the ambiance, a bar is always a safe bet. Because even if there is a lull in the conversation, the music and background noises won’t make it a big deal.
- Once you finish your drinks at the bar, pay the bill and move onto the next venue. Perhaps an arcade, ice cream shop, or a lookout point. Preferably something different to what you did before.
- As you’re walking to your second venue, and you like her, go for the kiss. Feel free to do it later, as long as you don’t kiss her at the END of the date. That’s clichéd and not romantic. More on that later.
- Once you get to the next location, do as you want. If you already kissed her, you both should be having a good time.
If you’re both having an EXTRAORDINARY good time, she may want to come home with you.
That’s why it’s smart to keep the date locations close to your home.
After all, the closer your date location is to your house, the easier it is to take her there.
If possible, create a date routine in your neighborhood.
#13: The behavior that women find repulsive
Even if you’re Brad Pitt, ladies will be repulsed if you brag about your movies, fame and riches.
Unless you’re doing a bit, showboating is never a good look.
Me showing my girl what’s what. U MAD BRO?!
Want to know why?
Because you’re overselling yourself.
Let me explain ‘overselling’ with a simple car analogy.
To sell a rickety Hyundai that smells like grandpapa’s coffin, a car salesman has to give the best pitch of his life.
To sell a new Ferrari, a salesman simply has to wait at his desk for the phone to ring.
Show me a dude who oversells himself, and I’ll show you a person who is hiding something or has low self-esteem.
So keep the bragging and boasting for your rap battles.
#14: The right way to ask questions
The biggest enemy of the date is the question.
Inexperienced dates ask too many.
Pickup robots ask too few.
I have little sympathy for pickup robots in search of the biggest lay count, so let’s help out the newbie.
The reason newbies ask too many questions is three-fold:
- Not knowing what to say.
- Nerves send them down the wrong path.
- Fear of silence.
So how do you reach the right amount of questions?
You focus on what you truly want to know about your date.
And exclude any filler questions.
Filler at its finest.
Are you really interested in hearing about her work? Or are you just looking for a topic that buys you 5 minutes of conversation?
If it’s the latter, keep it to yourself.
Because the goal of a date is not to waste time, but to raise emotions and watch for sparks.
And if you’re truly curious about an aspect of her life, you’ll probably both enjoy talking about it.
#15: Why traditional dating advice SUCKS
Now for one of the oldest dating myths, that’s hurting your chances of seeing her again.
It’s unclear where the myth exactly came from, but it’s drilled its way into dating culture across the globe:
Kiss her at the end of the date.
Sidenote: If you’re ever curious if a slice of dating advice is bunk, read what Men’s Health has to say about it. Because their words of wisdom are about as solid as loose stool water.
There are two reasons why you don’t want to kiss her at the end of the date:
- It’s fear. You probably wanted to kiss her earlier, but didn’t have the guts to plant your lips on hers. So it’s a last-ditch effort to show your feelings for her.
- It’s NEVER the ideal moment. The best moment to kiss is when emotions are high. Probably somewhere halfway through the date. If you plan the kiss for the end, you’ll miss that window and may end up offending her.
A client once told me a girl got really upset with him after he kept wussing out:
“I can’t believe you haven’t kissed me already! A real man would have already done it!”
If you want to be a man who goes for what he likes, kiss her before the end.
#16: How to increase the odds of a second meet up
The next 200 words will show you a simple method to overcome one of the more awkward moments of dating.
The most awkward moments in seduction are when you run the risk of rejection.
Asking her out. Reaching for her hand. Going for the kiss. And waiting for her reply the day after.
These moments are so nerve-racking because you don’t know if she’ll give you the green light.
“Did she enjoy the date as much as I did? I don’t want to try for a second date and get rejected…”
An easy way to save you that headache?
Plan the second date during the first date!
If you get intimate through hand-holding and other light touches, you quickly build trust and connection. And you have a much better idea of her level of interest.
If you reach that degree of familiarity during the first date, casually mention ideas for future dates.
“You like the beach? I know the most epic bistro that overlooks the sea. Maybe I’ll take you there sometime.”
And if she responds positively, you got yourself a plan for your next date, playa!
#17: What a ‘clean house’ REALLY means
One of the highest rank dealbreakers for women is a filthy home.
And it’s not just your fridge’s last night’s leftovers that’s about to sprout legs, but:
- Food wrappers on the floor, beer bottles across the house, and overflowing bins need to be cleaned up.
- Food smells, smoke, dirty laundry… It needs to go. Next time a friend swings by, ask him or her whether they smell anything funky.
- Dirty sheets. Wash away all the pubes, food crumbs, and bodily fluids from your bedsheets.
- Taboo objects. That includes drugs, weapons, feminine products, condoms and sex toys. Put them away so your date can’t accidentally see them.
- Since women always need to sit on the toilet, they’ll appreciate a clean bathroom a lot more than your bros do.
- Rearrange your shelves and coffee table so you don’t look like a hoarder.
#18: How mainstream dating advice is ruining your sex life
A wild DATING MYTH appeared! Run away from battle before it kills your attraction.
Bad Pokemon references aside, the myth I mean is… the three-day rule.
The idea is to wait three days after getting her number, or after the date, before reaching out.
That way you create suspense and seem non-needy.
While the theory sounds good, waiting is like strangling the emotional momentum.
The longer you wait, the more time squeezes out the feelings she has for you.
Until eventually she has none left.
What do you do instead?
Because just like you, she’s itching to hear if she was good company or not.
So don’t keep her waiting.
#19: The trick to never running out of things to say
Most of you probably don’t need to hear this, so I’ll add an extra nugget that helps everyone.
The hopefully redundant:
Don’t check out other girls on the date
Me checking out that phat booty.
Looking at other women is insulting to her and makes you look like a douchenozzle.
But, a relatable act that does HELP you is people watching.
And you can take that into any direction: the naughty or the humorous.
Let’s start with the naughty.
Imagine you’re walking together with your date and see an absolutely stunning 10/10 girl.
To spice up the conversation, you can ask:
“Hey, you see that woman over there? Be honest, if she approached you and asked you out. Would you say yes?”
Even if she laughs and says no, you can easily steer the conversation to more naughty subjects.
A follow-up question could be: “Have you ever kissed a girl before?”
Here’s the humorous question:
“Hey, you see that short dude who looks like Danny Devito? I think the two of you would totally hit it off.”
It’s clearly a joke, but it also solves a common guy issue:
Instead of being needy, you show her you can do without her.
#20: How to the bad boy women love
Finally learn what it ACTUALLY means to be confident.
Unless done in play, the biggest turnoff is showing off.
Partly because it’s easy to be proud of something good, but mainly because you’re trying too hard to be liked.
Which is why nobody likes bikers and their roaring iron hogs.
Only the insecure announce their presence with bravado.
So what does the confident man do?
He’s comfortable with his achievements AND his failures.
The badass sprinkles in a blunder for every brag he tells.
Do note that the badass doesn’t only rag on himself.
He both brags AND rags.
For modesty to work, you also need a cool achievement to play down.
If you have no coolness to belittle, your self-deprecation only hurts your attraction.
To summarize: the badass sits in between the clown and the try-hard.
#21: Why your sense of humor could be ruining your date
You may think you’re hilarious, but your jokes could be wrecking your date.
Women love men that can make them laugh.
As Nobel prize winner Jeffrey Hall proved in his study.
But too funny acts like a repellent.
Although that doesn’t mean that every comedian is doomed to celibacy.
Just the comedians who can’t turn off their funny bone.
It’s pretty obvious why women don’t want to date clowns, but let’s make her situation relatable through an analogy.
Vanilla ice cream is great.
But not if you’re forced to eat a bathtub of it a day.
The date equivalent would be firing off puns at the speed of Robin Williams.
Enough to drive anyone mad.
So vary the conversational flavors.
Funny. Flirty. Fussy. Fserious.
#22: How to keep your conversations exciting
Many men fail to raise attraction by not understanding the next fundamental principle:
Conversation is not about the exchange of facts.
Here’s a chat example of the average Joe:
Does his reply answer the question?
Does his reply add to the fun of the conversation?
And unless you’re deciding the day of the date, your texts should absolutely raise the vibe.
Some topics lend themselves to fun and excitement more easily.
So how do you give excitement if the topic is boring?
Imagine she asks you the next dreaded question:
The worst thing you can do is tell her your actual job title. (Unless it’s hilarious. I once met a guy who worked as a zombie at the London Dungeon.)
If you’re an office worker, odds are your work doesn’t raise her heartbeat.
So what do you say?
Joke and steer the conversation to fun.
Now lead the conversation to fun:
For more fun questions, check out my Tinder Questions article.
That almost ends today’s Tinder Meet Up tips.
But because you read my article all the way until the end, I have a gift for you.
- Do you ever stare at your screen and don’t know what to say?
- Do you have trouble being funny over text?
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Just click the link and you can use the texts that my coaches and I use for ZERO dollars.
For more tips, check out these articles:
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