Texting on Tinder can be tricky.
Sometimes you think you’re doing just fine, and all of a sudden she ghosts you. Other times you simply have no clue what to say and your conversation turns boring real quick.
In this article, you learn just how to text her on Tinder so that she’ll love talking to you. And eventually, go out on a date with you.In this article:More...
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A typical example of bad texting on Tinder
What often goes wrong when texting on Tinder, is what I like to call The ping-pong-effect.
Guys and their matches are constantly ping-ponging each other.
What’s that? It looks like this:
There are plenty of things wrong with this conversation.
- You’re talking about you and her, instead of you two together.
- It’s factual instead of emotional
- The main way of exchanging is by asking questions
- There is no flirting or teasing
To understand why this is wrong, we have to look at what texting is all about:
Good texting on Tinder: Use the TextGod Formula
So what is it that we want to achieve through texting?
Yes, we want to get her on a date. But what do you have to awaken in her to get her interested?
True TextGod followers know I teach my students the TextGod Formula. The 4 ingredients involved in getting her super excited to meet you:
- Investment balance
- Date Threshold
Attraction means she feels physically attracted to you. Your appearance only plays a small part in this. It’s all about how you communicate. Are you flirty and fun? Are you manly? Feeling attracted is an emotional process. Not a rational one.
Building Trust helps her to feel safe meeting up with you. As a woman, she has to always be careful about what kind of guy she’s talking to. Are you normal? Can she trust you won’t push yourself on her? Or are you some weirdo.
The investment balance determines whether she sees you as someone of higher status. Since it takes a lot of time to figure out if someone is actually ‘dateable’ for us, we use shortcuts to determine this. And one of those is how much they invest in our conversation. The more someone invests, the needier they are. And neediness is a sign that they look up to us and are probably not that interesting.
And finally, the date threshold determines how well you need to do in the first three to secure the date. The date threshold is very personal. It’s partly based on how someone values their own attractiveness, and partly on things like eagerness find someone and attachment styles.
Knowing the TextGod Formula, have a look again at the bad texting example. Yes, you might build some trust. But you will not build any attraction. Also, you’re not making it very appealing for her to invest more. Making the conversation extremely dull.
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1. Create togetherness
A common mistake is that it’s only about you and her. (Or you and him. You get my point.)
While a good conversation will at some point always be about you two together.
It’s a subtle, but huge difference…
Next time you are planning to take your Tinder match out on a date try using these words instead:
- We / us (We are going to steal a super yacht)
- Together (We’re going to adopt a shelter dog together and name it ‘Meatballs’)
- Our (Our dog would pick up its own poop because it’s brought up so well)
In the screenshot below you’ll see me pitch a random, over-the-top date idea.
By involving her in it and planning it for both of us, together, she will imagine herself on the date.
In this case, it’s at the end of some good Tinder texting, making her give me her number without me asking for it.
By only talking about “you” and “me”, you emphasize separation. By talking about “us” and “we” you emphasize togetherness.
From there on it gets easy to send text messages back and forth.
2. Don’t use unnecessary emoji’s
Even though research has shown that using emojis can lead to people feeling closer to each other, this is only the case when emojis are used to “create a shared personal meaning between themselves and another person”.
For example, when you and your match have an inside joke of sending an orange emoji whenever either of you says something clumsy. Because she told you a story where she slipped on an orange and fell in front of the whole class.
In general, I would advise you to never use emoji’s when unnecessary. There’s plenty of reasons for this.
For now I will just tell you that a big scale study (134,419 active users from 183 countries, to be exact) has shown that the top ten most used emojis by men are these:
This is quite shocking to me. Women want to date manly men. And these emoji’s make you seem more feminine.
3. Don’t be overly available
Ever got friendzoned? What I’m about to tell you right now could very well be the reason.
I’m going to explain using a very simple analogy.
I like cats. And one day I was wondering why I find these animals so cool. I figured that one of the reasons is that they are so hard to control.
My own cat, Alpha, is so selfish and unpredictable that I am extra grateful when she decides to chill close to me. Because she won’t just do it whenever I call her name.
If this fluffy chonker would come chill with me every time I called, I wouldn’t be so interested anymore. And if she would be meowing every time I entered a room, begging for attention before I even thought of hanging out with her, I wouldn’t just lose interest. I’d get annoyed.
And YOU, sweet reader, have to be like my cat, Alpha.
In texting terms that would mean:
- Don’t initiate conversation EVERY time
- Don’t ALWAYS text back lightning-quick
Don’t be scratching your match’s door. And don’t feel like you have to look at her whenever she calls your name. Feel free to have a life of your own.
4. Only text her when you’re in a good mood
Here’s something that really ruins your Tinder texts or iMsg texts, WhatsApp texts, Instagram, Snapchat, Telegram, etc.
There’s one moment you should never hit up any girls on any app. I learned this the hard way over the years.
And that moment when you shouldn’t be texting is when you feel:
- Any other negative state
Even when you think you can cover up how you feel. This isn’t an ideal moment to try and set up a date.
Of course you’re allowed to hit up friends or family whenever you feel like you need support. That’s not what I mean. But in general, when you’re trying to seduce someone, you want to be in a good mood. Somehow those vibes will come across in your texts. You’ll also interpret HER messages in a better way, which in turn makes you text back in a better way.
Try texting a girl when you’re feeling happy and positive. You’d think these emotions don’t matter and you can write your texts 100% rationally, but you can’t.
More on keeping a Tinder conversation going the right way, check out this article:
5. Send GIFs when they actually add value
GIFs are a damn powerful tool on Tinder. But there’s a downside.
Lots of people on Tinder often feel lazy and uninspired. So they take the easy route.
Which is pressing the GIF button and then smashing one of the first GIFs they see.
Don’t do this. And don’t type “hi” in the search bar either.
All these gifs have been sent way to often. They have nearly the same effect as texting Hi, Hey, Hello, etc…
Here are three ways you should use GIFs:
- To add another layer of meaning to them.
- To clarify the true meaning of your text.
- To show your facial expressions and body language.
Check out this article for GIF inspiration:
6. Don’t go all-in based on just her Tinder profile
Imagine you’re looking to buy your first house. You have a meeting with the real estate agent right on the driveway. The front of the house is gorgeous.
Now you can do two things:
- Sounds overly enthusiastic, showing your hands and basically whipping out a thick stack of cash money
- Smile on the inside at the potential opportunity, but stay calm and collected on the outside.
Option number two is the only viable option. Although plenty of men go for number one when Tinder texting.
They over-invest with messages way longer than they should be. It’s like buying a house when you’ve only seen the porch.
Relax. The best part is still to come. You have yet to go snoop inside. Discover her personality, vibe, and interests. See if she’s actually a cool girl besides the good looks.
Next time you’re starting a conversation, try to lightly build up the amount of text. Start off easy, and increase in volume as she does.
A good way of showing you’re not all-in is flirting and teasing. Check out this article for more on those:
7. Ask open-ended and original questions
Chances are you pose a lot of yes/no questions. Or other closed questions to which she has a hard time replying more than one word.
In the previous tip I told you to not be to bought-in based on only her looks and profile. Don’t send her massive texts right off the bat. You’ll take away any challenge and your Tinder match will get bored quickly.
You want to make her invest in the conversation as well. You can usually tell how much a girl is into you by the amount she invests.
The more she invests, the more hooked she is.
A quick way to get her to start talking is by asking open questions.
“If tomorrow was your last day on this planet and you were a plastic bag, how would you spend it?”
A question like that for example, or something slightly more serious. For you to decide what your conversation needs most.
Some girls react better to open-ended, deeper questions. Some react great to smaller questions.
Here’s what I like to do: If I notice she reacts well to my ‘baby questions’, I’ll throw in a couple of those and then follow it up with a deeper question.
Check out this example:
What whiskey was in that bottle? And what are you celebrating? You live together?
Those are three boring, closed questions. Exactly what I told you to be careful about using.
The thing is that these are a low investment from my side, while I know she will reply to all of them in this convo.
When she sends you a picture of what she’s doing (She’s celebrating), you can be pretty sure she likes you. (And there are 18 more signs she likes you over text.)
Now, once I’ve shot her a couple ‘baby questions’, I’m seeing how she reacts to a deeper how-question.
When she tells me about breaking up with her boyfriend for 6.5 years, I ask her:
“That’s so intense damn. The moment you told him, how was that?”
That’s a whole other level from the questions we asked her earlier.
Now she didn’t open up as much as I expected her to. At this point, you could ask a second open question to delve deeper, or you could go back to the safer smaller questions. We already know she responds well to those.
Or… you could go for a bit of a douchey third option. That’s exactly what I did, and I’ll show you what it is, later in the article.
For more on great question for Tinder, check this out:
8. Time your texts well to create more desire
Think of a date you enjoyed and wished would go on for longer. Chances are that you weren’t the one to wrap it up.
I remember one of my favorite dates. I was having such an amazing time, having a late night drink with my crush. When suddenly she looked at her phone and had to go. Something homework related and waking up early.
From one minute to the next, that heavenly feeling was taken away by a single glance at her screen. On a scale from 1 to 10, how badly do you think I wanted to see her again? Exactly, a solid 10 out of 10.
Now imagine if the date went on and on until one of us got tired and became super low energy. That’s a whole different date ending. It might even take away the urge for a second date.
Now guess what? It’s exactly the same for your Tinder texting.
Sometimes when you like someone, it’s easy to lose track of any goals. you just want to keep texting because it feels good. Even when you have nothing left to say, you’ll try to think of stuff. Often resulting in mediocre texts.
But damn it feels good to have her attention. So you try to keep it going as long as possible. Until you’re at the equivalent of someone nearly falling asleep during a late date.
So remember how I CRAVED a second date once she suddenly ended it from one minute to the next? Just by looking at her screen once…
You can do just the same. It’s also what I did with the whiskey girl from the last screenshot:
I had just finished a competitive 2-hour soccer game. That usually leaves me pretty exhausted. A text like that comes as a surprise to her. By now she was used to some back-and-forth texting every evening. And now, just with one glance at her phone, it was taken away.
She’d have to wait until the next day.
Next time you are shooting texts back and forth, having a great time, suddenly end it. Let her crave your next text. And send it a few hours later. Don’t ALWAYS do this. Just experiment with it.
More on great timing here:
9. Give her points for things you like and don’t like
So you’re texting a girl and the same as usual happens: You’re the one trying to make it work. You’re the one trying to get her to like you. You’re the one qualifying.
And it feels BAD always being the one having to prove himself, doesn’t it? So let’s see what we can do about that.
I have a really simple trick. It’s easy to apply and you can use it in next time you’re texting on Tinder.
What you’re going to do, is the following:
Whenever she says ANYTHING you don’t agree with, you let her know.
Whenever you ask her a question and she gives a poor answer, you let her know.
Now you don’t let her know with words… you let her know by taking points from her.
Here’s an example from a student of mine:
She said something risky, and he punished her for it but taking 3 points from her. It’s not like they ever talked about points before. And she didn’t sign up for this game. He just throws it out there.
Let’s see how she reacts:
She instantly understands the game he is playing, and goes with it. On top of that she’s defending herself because she doesn’t like losing three points.
And since she’s complaining, my student takes another 5 points for her. To then give her back 2 for being funny. Masterful Tinder texting.
Two tactful texts later, he scores her number and moves the conversation elsewhere. Ahhh, the satisfactory feeling when my students grow up. What a joy.
How to revive and text old Tinder matches
How do you text someone you’ve already been texting, but you then left to rot for way too long? Should you even do this?
I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t. I do see two ways you shouldn’t go.
The first one is by apologizing.
“Hey, sorry I didn’t text for so long, I didn’t know what to say”
“Hey, sorry for not responding. I never check this app”
It almost looks too obvious for me to point it out. But it does happen.
A second wrong way to rekindle an old conversation is by sending anything boring.
- Hey, how are you?
- How was your day?
- What’s up, beautiful?
If you ARE going to open an old conversation, you need to bring something lively to the table.
Not that you have to prove yourself… but you want to get a text back, don’t you?
So why don’t you make it FUN.
Send her a funny meme or video that one of your friends recently sent you. Humor is the key to rekindling dead conversations.
Tell her someone sent you funny video X, and you thought of sending it to her. Maybe it made you think of her.
Your other option is to make up a ridiculous reason for why you disappeared.
Maybe you were trying to feed your goldfish and your hand got stuck in the bowl. Or you were holding your hamster and he started hibernating in your hand. If you had moved he would have woken up and potentially missed out on a whole season of sleep.
Whatever you decide to tell her, make it something you find funny.
And if she doesn’t instantly reply don’t double text.
More on what to text when you haven’t talked in a while:
Should I double-text on Tinder?
Sometimes someone doesn’t text back, and it’s annoying.
I’m going to tell you something that will change how you see ‘being ignored’. Because let’s be honest here. The only reason you double text is because someone hasn’t texted back in a while and you crave her attention.
It felt good talking to her and you want it to continue. So you’re tempted to double-text.
(Double texting is when you text her while you are still waiting for her to respond to your last text.)
But should you? In general, you shouldn’t. Here’s what you should never text when she doesn’t respond:
- Why did you leave me on read?
- Can you reply?
- Anything butthurt or angry
But if she never responds to your last text and you don’t hit her up again… the conversation is over.
So sometimes you will have to double-text. And in a bit I’ll show you how to do it in style, maximizing your chances of Tinder success.
Remember how, in the previous tip, I told you that it WILL happen to you that you forget to text someone back?
Maybe you didn’t know what to reply… or something in real life suddenly required your attention. That also happens to her.
So before you start responding butthurt… what if she enjoyed talking to you as well? But something just slipped in between? Or what if you felt like your last text clearly put the ball in her camp, but in her mind it was still your turn to text?
It happens more often than you’d think.
That’s why you first want to wait for 72 hours.
You will wait approximately three days. That’s how long your last text needs to sit there on her phone, unanswered.
In the meanwhile, you aren’t even allowed to look at the conversation.
When the time has come and you are ready to pick up where you left off, you’re going to double text her one of three things:
- A funny video
- A funny meme
- A funny something else
You saw that right, they’re all funny things.
Humor is the key to re-initiating silent conversations.
This gif has done its job for me multiple times when someone left me hanging. It playfully mocks how you feel. Without coming across as TOO butthurt.
But, referring back to my list of 3, I prefer to send funny videos or memes. Most of the time, you don’t even need to go searching for them.
More on double-texting here:
Your unfair Tinder texting cheat codes
I have something for you.
Consider it a thank you gift for making it to the end of the article.
If you actually read it all, then you should be ahead of your competition already. Not only did you get some great insights and mindsets, you also received some copy pastable lines.
But I know… you can never have enough of those.
So what I did, is compile 10 copy pastable lines that can get you out of all sorts of tricky situations.
On top of that I made a checklist that you can use on your own profile. You’ll find your strong and weak sides. And see just what to do to get more and hotter matches.
And as if that wasn’t enough, I also added a video that gives you my most successful Tinder opener. It also works on other dating apps. In the video I explain exactly how to use it, and what to text her after she inevitable replies.
Go ahead, download it for free below and unlock next level Tinder texting.
You’re well on your way to becoming a TextGod.
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