It’s an incredibly common question to receive on a dating app: “What are you looking for on Tinder?”
Since it feels like your answer can make or break everything, it can feel a bit scary to answer.
That’s why we’re going to discuss how to answer it in the best way possible while staying true to ourselves.In this article:More...
Why do people ask ‘What are you looking for on Tinder?’
As is well established, Tinder is falsely known as the hookup app.
Not every person is looking for a fling or a hookup. Many Tinder users, in fact, are looking for something meaningful. So asking, “What are you looking for on Tinder?” works well as a filter.
Just like the right question in a game of Guess Who?, your answer lets your Tinder match know if you’re on the right track: would I like to date them or not?
Now, I already put you on a false trail.
You probably think the people who ask you this question DON’T want hookups and DO want relationships.
Someone might also ask you this question to discover other traits and desires of yours. Such as:
- “Are you truthful?”
- “Are you a people pleaser?”
- “Are you desperate for a relationship or simply open to finding one?”
- “If you don’t want a relationship, will you be direct and confident about it, or too shy and scared to be honest?”
- “Do you want more than a fling, but less than a relationship, AKA a fuckbuddy?”
So what seems like a simple question actually gives the person you’re talking to a ton of info. Which is why you want to get the answer right.
By that I mean: give the answer that most closely matches your desires. We’ll find out what that looks like soon.
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Say what you’re looking for using radical authenticity
When someone asks you “What are you looking for?” their goal is clear: your Tinder match wants to see if you share the same goals as them. Which often leads to the next mistake:
Trying to give the ‘right’ answer.
And it makes perfect sense, you don’t want to risk scaring them off with an incorrect response.
But that’s the wrong mindset to have on an online dating app.
Now you’re trying to act like you’re a perfect fit for them, rather than being honest and figuring out if they’re a perfect fit for you.
It’s of course tempting to please the other person, but it’ll only lead to disappointment in the long-term. Being honest about what you want, however, is at worst only a minor inconvenience at the starting line.
Do your dating goals not align? Then it’s easy to say your goodbyes and move on. Plus, it has a big upside if you discover that your aims are compatible.
Your authentic answer will have laid the foundation for a deep and trustworthy connection. That’ll make your Tinder date much more powerful and fun.
Never lie about what brings you to Tinder. Strive to be liked for who you genuinely are.
The worst answer to “What brings you to Tinder?”
I’ve seen this answer and its countless variations thousands of times. And it makes me a little sick to my stomach:
“Not sure. Curious mostly.”
Why does that response make me a little nauseous? Because it’s almost always a big fat lie. And in the cases where it’s true, it probably means that they’re bored or looking for validation.
Hardly the type of person anyone hopes to meet while swiping.
Don’t set off any red flags by keeping your online dating goals a mystery. Either take some time to figure out what you’re genuinely after, or find the courage to say what brings you to Tinder.
With so many users on Tinder, I can guarantee that you’ll find thousands of people who want the same things as you. Whether that’s short-term fun, a long-term partner, or anything in between.
So there’s no reason to feel embarrassed about what brings you to Tinder.
The best answers to “What are you looking for?” on a dating app – 7 Scenarios and lines
If someone from a dating site asks you what brings you to Tinder, you obviously want to use the line that best resonates with your situation.
So what are your relationship goals?
- Do you only want to test the springs of their mattress for one evening?
- Do you regularly want to do the ‘no pants dance’ with someone?
- Are you looking to commit to a person who’s right for you?
- Are you unsure of what you want but open to anything?
- Do you want to see multiple people until you fall in love?
All valid desires. Each with their own specific answer. Whatever you want, I recommend you tell the truth.
There’s just one problem with the truth… it can be told in a thousand ways.
That’s why I’m going to give you copy pastable lines and scripts for each of the above scenarios.
1. You’re still figuring out what you want
Not knowing what you’re after is a bit of a red flag. It shows you don’t really know who you are. And that makes you difficult to trust.
That’s why I highly recommend you find out what you want from your Tinder matches.
But since you’re unsure of what brings you to Tinder and you need an answer, I’d go for something like this:
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I guess I’d like to meet someone fun and see where it goes. Sorry for the lame answer lol.”
It describes your situation while showing that you’re aware of your flakey answer.
2. You’re looking to hook up
Sure, it sounds crass. But if school or work leaves you with little time for regular meetups, it makes perfect sense to keep things casual.
You just want to be smart about how you share your intentions. There are basically two routes available to you, and I recommend going with the one that best suits your personality.
The playful route or the sincere route.
- Playful. “I’m looking for someone to beat me at Mario Kart.”
- Sincere. “I’m looking for someone open-minded who can keep up with my flirty banter. ;)”
Answering the question with humor will give most people the idea that you’re not looking for anything serious.
Do keep in mind that you do not want to mention S-E-X so directly. It can work. But it can easily lead to awkward moments. Making you look cheap, like a creep, or just plain lazy.
Since seduction lies at the core of sexual arousal, I recommend keeping it light-hearted and fun. And if they’re unsatisfied with your answer, make your answer more clear.
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Although I have plenty of articles that help you raise attraction over text.
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3. When you want a friend with benefits
If you want a casual buddy with whom you can also do the bedroom mambo… Humor isn’t your go-to method of choice.
Because you want more than just a pretty face. You also want someone who you enjoy spending time with outside the boudoir. In fact, you’d probably like it if you ‘click.’
In that case, you want to write an answer that suggests a closer connection.
“Nothing too serious for now. Although it’s an instant dealbreaker if you’re the type who leaves the toilet seat up.”
It’s light-hearted and funny.
This humorous answer with a hint of ‘standards’ shows her that I’m probably looking for someone who I’m going to see more than once.
So the meaning is open, although it’s unlikely I’m looking for a one night stand. Get it?
4. If you’re open for anything
When this is you, the answer is simple:
“I’m open for anything. If I meet someone who is amazing and who makes me not want to date anyone else, awesome! If I meet someone who’s smart, sexy and fun but ends up not being a fit, that’s cool too.”
The above texts will likely get you lots of good responses.
- You’re completely transparent, which is rare to find.
- You’re open to a relationship, which is a mature trait.
- You have standards, ‘smart, sexy and fun’ is not necessarily enough for you.
5. When you want a committed relationship
If you’re constantly seeing how every Tinder match holds up to your standards, you’ll turn dating into a stress-fueled series of interviews.
And it won’t be any fun. So if someone asks you what you’re looking for, don’t shout that you’re looking for marriage and start a family.
Keep it a little more light, without giving up on your goals.
“I’m looking for a relationship. But I’m definitely not going to rush into anything. Although I won’t be sticking around once I know it’s not going anywhere either. You?”
It shows you’re not a needy romantic, but actually someone with a big heart who isn’t playing around.
It wouldn’t surprise me if these lines even get some people with casual intentions to try and win you over. You just seem so darn mature.
You just seem so darn mature.
6. When you want to enjoy your time until you find your special person
I currently fall into this boat, which means I like evening calisthenics with beautiful women, but am also open to a serious and loving relationship.
It also means that I’ve experimented with phrasing this desire for quite a while.
Curious about the best way to phrase it?
Here are my two takes. Pick whichever you prefer:
“On Tinder to add a little excitement and adventure to my life. And secretly hoping to find a girl who can sweep me off my feet. So far no such luck.”
“Not looking for anything specific. I thought I’d meet some interesting people, but have mostly been disappointed. Still naively hoping to get swept off my feet haha”
Go with whichever you like. Both should get you the results you want.
7. When you feel like joking around
Sometimes you just don’t feel like being serious.
I wouldn’t evade the question too much since it will look like you’ve got something to hide. But still, sometimes it’s better to just make her laugh and goof around.
Then I suggest some of these funny answers to the question:
- “I’m looking for my long lost twin. We got separated at birth. But in the meantime I might find a date or two.”
- “Looking for someone to do a bank job with. Can you handle an AK-47 or do you have getaway driver ambitions?”
- One a little more riskier, so try the other options first: “A soulmate. But I could just be content with pathetic drunk fornication.”
Use the last answer at your own risk! When she’s laughing her ass off from all your Tinder jokes you might get away with it.
Now a very important topic for you, my friend:
What “What are you looking for?” says about your Tinder match
If she asks you what you’re looking for early on in the conversation, she’s a dating newb.
I know she’s trying to screen, but by filtering on relationships so early in the convo, she’s telling me that she values what she wants more than exploring the person she just matched with.
Suppose you got on Tinder looking for something casual, but you met someone who you have an AMAZING click with, and who makes you not want to date anyone else.
You’re not going to say, “Well, shit. Too bad I got on Tinder to find hookups! Better never text you again.”
The opposite is also true.
If you meet someone you have chemistry with, unbelievable sex with, but who you can’t seriously date in the long term…
…You won’t go, “Shame we met and had an epic time because I’m only looking for a wife! BYE!”
You’ll be grateful for the amazing experience.
So if she asks you what you’re looking for EARLY in the conversation, it signals that they might be a little self-centered and close-minded. So a mega sincere answer to their question might not be in your best interest.
How to answer “What brings you to Tinder?” with your profile
Your profile also communicates what you’re looking for on Tinder. So show what brings you here with your Tinder profile!
Do you want to keep it casual?
Have a collection of photos that portray you as a fun bachelor. Such as by having a good mix of masculine but friendly photos. Think: dark clothes, a bit of a stubble or beard, a slick haircut, some shots that reveal your muscular physique, and a candid photo of you hiking in the mountains.
Do you want a serious relationship?
Then signal that you’d make a great boyfriend. Have photos of you smiling, taking care of a pet, hanging out with family, and just being an all-around, dependable guy.
Be sure to pay attention to your Tinder bio too. Here’s a good Tinder ‘about me’ example if you’re looking for commitment.
Looking for a cute butt to rest my head on while I watch Ducktales reruns.
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That pretty much wraps up today’s article.
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