Why would someone ghost you after a first date?
How do you deal with it? And how can you prevent it from happening?In this article:More...
This article tells you all.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is a relatively new dating therm that describes the situation when someone stops all communication without warning or explanation. In other words, they’re acting like a ghost.
The most common example would be leaving messages on “read” or “seen” without a reply. Another would be blocking someone on all social media or changing one’s own socials. The more obvious they retreat, the more likely you’re being ghosted.
Do keep in mind that there’s a difference between ghosting someone and taking your time to reply.
My golden rule: assume the best, but do make steps to move on if they keep you waiting.
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Why do people ghost after a first date?
People ghost after a first date for largely two reasons: (1) the other person wasn’t a fit in some way, or (2) a personal circumstance that has nothing to do with the other. Perhaps they realised they’re not ready to be romantically involved with someone.
Because ghosting is generally an immature action, people who ghost can have very petty reasons for it.
Do note that many people feel like they don’t owe you an explanation if they don’t want to see you again after a first date. For some, common courtesy doesn’t extend to early dating.
Considering being ghosted sucks. It’s common to wonder what the ghost gains from cutting off all communication with you.
It’s simple. They can continue with their life without having a difficult and/or awkward conversation.
Reasons people ghost after a date
People don’t get back in touch with you after a first date because they don’t think you’ll like to hear the answer. So instead of giving you bad news and feeling icky, they say nothing.
This sadly doesn’t give you closure.
So what is the precise reason they don’t they want to talk with you or see you again?
Let me give you the most common reasons.
- They’re not into you. For better or worse, attraction is subjective and personal. Maybe, they didn’t feel a spark.
- They’ve told a lie they can’t get out of They could have lied about their age, life circumstances, or relationship status.
- They’re too busy. Maybe they just started a new challenging job.
- They’re going through a rough patch. It is also possible that they went out and realized they’re not ready to get attached to someone.
- They’re into someone else. or want to see what else is out there. They can ghost you because their attention is somewhere else.
- They’re intimidated by you. . Perhaps it’s the age difference, your wealth, your intellect, or your status. Whatever it is, they just don’t feel comfortable about it.
Why does it feel bad to be ghosted?
Being ghosted after a first date can already make you feel used, disrespected, and replaceable.
And to top it off, you feel wildly insecure because you don’t know what happened.
Did you do something wrong or is there another reason for their absence? And are they really ghosting you or will they reach out to you at a later moment because they actually do value you?
The not-knowing can eat you up inside.
It’s only after you’ve been ignored long enough that you know you’ve been ghosted. But without a reason, you’re likely to look at your own actions for an explanation. And blame yourself.
Plus, you have zero information on how to prevent the same from happening again in the future.
Left with all these questions, ghosting really is an act of emotional violence. Without the opportunity to ask questions and gain information, you’re left to rebuild your damaged self-esteem by yourself.
Should you reach out to the person who ghosted you?
Knowing if you should reach out largely depends on your answer to two questions:
- Have you actually been ghosted, or have they simply not replied to your last attempt to reach out?
- How close are you to other person?
If you’ve clearly been ghosted and you have very little connection to the other person, you’re better off giving your time and attention to someone who deserves it.
But reaching out one last time doesn’t hurt. Plus, it’ll give you the closure you may be after.
Here’s a script you can use.
It’s great, because you’re being honest, vulnerable and warm, all while giving them one last chance.
Best way to deal with ghosting after the first date
Here’s the first thing you want to do after being ghosted: don’t take it personally.
They didn’t reject who you are, at worst, they rejected how you made them feel.
After all, they don’t really know you. You’ve shown what, perhaps 5% of your awesome personality?
You’re barely a person to them. They’re just projecting all kinds of stuff onto you but have no clue who you actually are.
So don’t worry about it.
Besides, it makes no sense to get hung up on someone who’s acting like an a-hole. The fact that they’re ignoring you should be plenty of reason to not give a crap.
Instead, focus your attention on the people that actually care about you and treat you right.
Instantly get over being ghosted after the first date
Maybe my previous words barely give you any comfort. Perhaps your pain after being ghosted is just too much.
So let me give you concrete steps to get over your hurt.
Do you even know why you’re hurting so badly for someone you’ve only been on a date with once?
Because I’m 169% certain that you don’t have enough other fun women to date.
Perhaps even zero.
So of course, you’re feeling bad, you’ve got no chance to get into bed with anyone else!
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