6 Reasons a Girl Flakes on You (and What To Text Her)

So you set up a date and she didn’t show up.

Now you have the following questions:

“Why did she flake? Did I say something wrong?”

“She hasn’t blocked me… Should I keep texting her and try for another date?”

“What should I text if a girl flakes in the future?”

Find out 6 reasons a girl flakes on you and what to do next.

In this article:More...

Important: I know you're sometimes unsure what to text. So I've put together 10 Texts That Always Work. Copy-paste lines that instantly attract her and make her crave your attention. They work and they are free. Just a small gift to get you started. Enjoy! Click here to get them.

6 Reasons why girls flake

Before I tell you what steps to take after flaking, we’ll discuss why she flaked in the first place.

Because if you know the why, you can do something about it.

1. You failed to create enough attraction

As a true TextGod fan, you know our TextGod Formula. The ingredients you need to get her on a date.

  • Attraction: Does she feel attracted to you?
  • Trust: Does she feel like she can trust you? That you won’t be weird or even dangerous?
  • Investment balance: Do you both invest an equal amount into the conversation?

The first, most common reason why she flakes is because you didn’t create enough attraction.

She kind of agreed to meet up, but then later changed her mind because she isn’t into you enough. Or she lost some of that initial attraction between agreeing to meet up and the actual date.

2. You failed to create enough trust

This is the second ingredient of the TextGod Formula. One that is often times overlooked.

As a man, not much can happen to you if you meet up with a woman. So trust isn’t a big deal.

But for a woman, a lot can go wrong. She’s usually less physically strong than men.

So what if you’re a weirdo who forces herself on her? What if something else happens?

So for her, it’s very important to trust you enough. To have the sense that you’re a normal guy who will respect her boundaries and will respect a “no.”

3. You didn’t keep the flow going after setting the date

So you’re having fun texting a girl and propose the date.

She agrees and the time and location have been set.

So you shift your focus back to other stuff. You feel you’re done.

And that’s when you make a huge mistake.

Just because the date is set, does not mean it’s going to happen.

Why? Because if you’re not investing anymore, she might lose the good feeling she has with you.

So if you neglect her after setting the date, there’s a good chance her feelings toward you will be different.

She may think, “He didn’t text me for 3 days. Is he still interested? I’ll take no answer as a no.”

Or her feelings toward you may have just got cold.

“I know I planned a date tonight with this dude from Tinder, but maybe I shouldn’t have.”

The point is this:

If you don’t keep up the texts, you’ll lose emotional momentum and possibly the date.

So stay in touch after you set the date.

4. She has an emergency

You might expect the worst when she doesn’t show up or cancels last minute.

However, often times there is a good reason that has little to do with you.

There might be a serious emergency she has to attend to.

It might even be that she doesn’t cancel properly, simply because her thoughts are not with you right now.

So, don’t expect the worst or respond in a butthurt way. Either wait for a reply or send a friendly message.

5. You set the wrong expectations

Maybe you’re worried about whether she’s going to come to the date.

So out of insecurity, you send her a bad text in hopes she returns a similar level of interest.

Can’t wait to see you and those beautiful full lips

Even if she was interested in you, that text is way too sexual to send to a girl you barely know.

All the message does is plant a seed of doubt in her mind.

“Wow. Does he just want me for my body? I think he has the wrong expectations.”

Which is precisely what women hate:

When you set the wrong expectations.

You can set the wrong expectations in largely two ways:

  1. Putting the emphasis on kissing and sex, while she genuinely wants to get to know you.
  2. Getting too romantic too quickly.

I  love texting like a bad boy, but also love getting intimate. Which often confused the girls I dated.

Some girls would come to the date thinking I was this suave, cold-blooded pimp, but after one drink I’d already hold her hand, carry her round in my arms, and tell stories of how I got a piece of corn stuck in my nose when I was two.

Now, to be fair, not one girl ever disliked my romantic approach. In fact, most women loved these dates.

But if she wasn’t ready for something serious, I’d always receive a text the next day saying:

Hey, because I respect you I’m going to be completely honest. I had a really great time with you but I’m not ready for a relationship, sorry! You seem like a great lad so I’m sure you’ll find someone amazing for ya. Good luck

This was actually the first girl who mentioned the word ‘relationship.’ Other girls said stuff like, “I don’t see this going anywhere” or the classic “Let’s stay friends.”

Which was bizarre after you spent the entire evening laughing and touching each other.

So after texting the ‘relationship’-girl, I discovered that I totally set the wrong expectations.

I was being too boyfriendy. So in future dates, I dialed back the boyfriend vibes… and never got rejected again (unless we obviously didn’t have any chemistry).

The moral of the story?

Don’t over-emphasize sex and romance before the first date.

Instead, match her expectations. Which is usually, “I wonder if he’s as fun in person as he was over text.”

6. She’s too inexperienced or nervous

The next flake is especially confusing, but strangely common.

This is usually what the online interaction looks like. You fire off a text to your crush. She likes the attention and replies. Now you get into a basic back and forth.

The conversation isn’t great but it’s enough to hold her attention. You eventually propose a date and she bites. Happy days!

But on the day of the date she cancels or doesn’t show up.

What happened? Although I can’t be certain, she probably felt a bit nervous about the idea of meeting you.

“Are we going too fast?” “Are we a good match?” “Did I make a mistake by saying yes?”

So she does what most women do in this situation and she rereads the conversation.

And as she reads the conversation, she comes to a shocking discovery:

You’re a human advil.

Because she’s relatively inexperienced with dating, or fresh out of a relationship, you seemed fun.

But now she sees that was a lie. Your conversation is actually quite dry.

Realizing that setting up the date was a mistake, she flakes.

Did she flake and you don’t know why? Reread the conversation. Is it boring? There’s your answer.

Want to have more fun conversations without using any effort?

Check out my 10 Texts That Always Work.

What to send her when she flakes

Dealing with the flake is difficult unless you master the following principle.

Let’s explain that principle through an example. Suppose she texts:

Hey, I’m sorry. I won’t be able to make it

Note that she doesn’t explain why.

How would you reply? Does your answer involve digging for an explanation? Then you’re sabotaging your chances of seeing her.

Why? Because you’re looking for answers out of insecurity.

To be precise, you’re looking for reassurance that she still likes you. So you fire off your question and hope that her reason has nothing to do with you.

That’s why you should apply the following principle:

Don’t be butthurt, and seek to understand.

What would that look like?

In this case, like so:

Oh damn that sucks

But don’t sweat it. Hope nothing bad happened

One time a woman flaked TWICE but sent me a genuinely apologetic text:

I’m sooooo sorry!! I can’t believe I have to cancel the date again! I’m stuck with my family and they really want me to stay

Can you guess what I replied?

Briefly picture the answer in your mind before you read on.

Hey I totally get that, family is important. Besides, I’m sure we’ll have plenty of great times in the future

Thanks 🙂 That’s so sweet of you 😘

IMPORTANT: The second sentence of my reply is pretty gooey and shows too much interest for a total stranger. The reason it worked so well, was because we’d already hung out for a while in person.

If it was a stranger I may have sent:

Hey I totally get that, family is important. Besides, you couldn’t handle my stunningly sexy body anyway (I just did 5 sit ups #Ripped)

What if a girl flakes but keeps texting?

She flaked on you but still keeps texting as if nothing happened. What’s going on?

She probably flaked for 1 of 2 reasons.

  1. She had a legitimate excuse and simply didn’t tell you about it.
  2. She was too nervous, which is especially common in inexperienced girls or women who just got out of a relationship.

The solution is again:

Seek to understand.

First, match the tone of her texts. Is she being sincere? Do the same. Is she being light-hearted and fun? Follow along.

Once you feel like she’s enjoying the conversation, go for the date WHILE acknowledging her previous flake.

Like so:

I have the urge to invite you to a café that serves DA BESS coffee. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to have my heart broken again

I was in the hospital for three days and the surgeons weren’t sure if they could put it back together again

A light text like that will get her to reveal her intentions. If she’s interested to see you, she’ll let you know.

What if a girl flakes and doesn’t send anything?

Sometimes a girl doesn’t show up and also doesn’t text at all.

There are two ways you can deal with this.

The best way is to text her half an hour after you’re supposed to meet her.

Hey, where are you at? All good? I’m at [location]

This is a very simple message that doesn’t sound annoyed or anything. It basically just tells her you’re there. The ‘All good’ shows that you hope nothing bad happened, without too much investment.

If she doesn’t reply at all to that, and nothing the next day, you might wonder if she is still interested at all. You might send another text late the next day, referring to her not showing up, but in a fun and lighthearted way. Just in case she had something important to attend to and not ruin it for yourself.

My dog just asked me how are coffee-date went, and I’m not sure how to answer!

If you didn’t send her anything when you were supposed to meet up, do this:

Send her a funny text the next day.

Again, you don’t know what happened. So you want to stay light-hearted.

Maybe she totally forgot or something urgent came up.

Write something funny, maybe something that refers to an inside-joke you shared before.

I brought my favorite teddybear last night, he was so excited to meet you. But then you didn’t show up :’)

You want to call her out for not showing up and at the same time make it light-hearted.

What if she likes you but keeps flaking? Should I ignore her?

So a girl flakes. Maybe even twice. That’s okay. There could be legitimate reasons for that.

But three or more times? Something is up.

  • Maybe you’re talking to a catfish that doesn’t exist.
  • Maybe she is too shy or scared.
  • Maybe she secretly has a relationship and is not sure if she wants to cheat.
  • Maybe she was never serious about meeting up in the first place.

Anyway, flaking this often is not okay.

The best way to deal with this is to give her one last chance.

Again, communicate in a mature and positive way but show your boundaries.

Hey, this is the 4th time you canceled. You seem like a great girl and I’d love to reschedule but I don’t want to waste my time on someone who isn’t serious. So if you cancel again, I have to stop talking to you. Does that sound fair?

Now you’re putting the pressure on her. Who knows, maybe she’ll spill the real reason why she is cancelling or not showing up everytime.

And you communicate clear boundaries. Now she has to choose: do I want to see him or not?


First you need to figure out why she flakes on you. Is it you or is it her? So you can manage it accordingly.

If she flakes, always respond in a positive, non-butthurt way. Seek to understand and assume the best.

However, if she flakes more often, you should communicate your boundaries and give her a final chance.

If you want some great lines to get her more excited to meet you, download my 10 best texts that always work:

Grab my 10 Texts That Always Work.

Enjoy, bro.

Louis Farfields


And don't forget your download below ;)

Get my best stuff for FREE!

The Clickbait Opener

Get the highest response rate of my 40 best openers

10 Texts That Always Work

Stop worrying about what to say. Steal my lines instead!

The Dating Profile Checklist

Fill in the blanks, improve your profile, get more matches

The Personality Slicing Seminar Recordings

My secret method to get any girl craving your attention

Yes, give me your stuff!

For more tips, check out these related articles:


Write a comment