How to reject a girl: The Honest and Least Painful Way

You thought you met a fun girl. But after getting to know her a bit better, you found out she’s not your type.

You want to let her off nicely but you don’t know how. That’s okay.

Because in today’s article I’ll tell you exactly how to reject a girl / date over text.

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Be careful with the way you reject people

Before you even think about rejecting someone, you CAN’T afford to make the next mistake:

Rejecting her in a cold and ugly way.

Sure, it’ll work. Yes, she’ll be out of your life.

But you may have hurt someone in a way that they can’t easily shake. And nobody deserves that if it can be avoided.

Plus, people have a strange way of coming back into our lives. So don’t unnecessarily burn any bridges by traumatizing her.

How should you definitely NOT reject a girl?

  • Ghosting
  • Going into great detail about what’s “wrong” with her.
  • Turning a rejection into a 10-page monologue.
  • Trying really hard not to be the bad guy.

How should you reject her? Check it out in the next tip.

How to reject her after the first date (or a couple of dates)

The biggest problem people make when breaking up is this… trying to be the good guy.

Because most of us don’t want to be bad guys, we try to reject girls like we’re saints.

Sorry, it’s not going to work out between us

But we can still be friends! How about we go to the roller rink next week?

What’s the problem with this method? It gives her hope!

By staying connected to her, she’ll think she still has a shot with you.

And since she doesn’t, you’ll just make her feel worse in the long run.

So you must create a disconnect.

You can’t reject them AND have them like you.

So how do you reject her with class?

By being firm in your choice to reject her, but soft in the way you execute the rejection.

I’ll give you some examples in the next tip.

Holy Tip:

If you want to keep her in your life as a friend, you have two options depending on your situation.

  • If the passion has seeped out of the relationship a long time ago and you’re basically friends (rather than partners), you can transition into friendship almost right away.
  • If one of you is still invested in the relationship, it’s best to give each other space.

Depending on how well you know her, you may even need 1-6 months of space between the two of you. That will help her to get over you.

Once enough time passes, then you can reach back out to her and try and be friends.

Examples of how to reject a girl the right way

Before we get to the good examples, I want you to put your thinking cap on because… we’re starting with a bad example and it’s your job to figure out what’s wrong.

Here is the screenshot:

Tell me, what’s wrong with the reply in grey?

She tried to be the hero and stay friends!

That’s a big no-no.

You want to be as clear as possible without making her feel too bad.

What would that look like? Like so.

Short and sweet. And he expertly used 3 building blocks that any rejection text should be made of:

  • Leading with a compliment.
  • Being direct and honest.
  • Keeping it short.

Using these 3 building blocks we can build a bunch of rejection texts.

Here’s 6 more examples that follow that structure.

Hey, I had a great time and you’re a wonderful person, but I didn’t feel a spark between us. I know you’ll find someone amazing. All the best!

Hey, I had a good time last night, but I don’t think we’re a match. Good luck dating!

Hey, last night was fun, but I didn’t feel confident in our chemistry and that’s important to me. Hope you find what you’re looking for soon!

Hey, you seem wonderful but I don’t see a future together. Thanks for the good time.

Hey, you’re a laugh a minute, but I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing. Thanks for making me smile. Ciao.

Hey, you seem great, but I think we’re in different places in our lives. Please don’t let this stop you from meeting someone amazing.

How to reject your girlfriend over text

If there’s one thing I want you to understand about rejecting your girlfriend, it’s this:

Do not reject your girlfriend over text.

I know that may be what you came here for. But dumping someone over text is NOT DONE.

It’s not only extremely disrespectful, but you’re not giving her a chance to understand why you’re breaking up with her. Which is especially painful if she didn’t see it coming.

I know you want to get through this painful moment as quick and easily as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to play the bad guy and give her the face-to-face time she deserves.

So your duty as her soon-to-be ex is to give her a chance to talk it over with you.

Not only is it nice for her, but ending the relationship in person will also give you closure and speed up the healing process.

But like everything, there are exceptions to the rule. In this case, there are two:

  • You’re in a long-distance relationship and you can’t realistically make the trip.
  • Your girlfriend is very unstable and you have reason to believe that breaking up in person could be dangerous.

In these two situations, it’s fine to end the relationship via video call.

Calling is also an option, but it’s still pretty rude and I strongly advise against it.

How to reject a girl you have no romantic interest in

Sometimes you’re just friends with a girl, but you notice she likes you a bit too much. For example, a classmate at school, a colleague at work, or a friend in a friend group.

How do you handle this?

There are two things you need to consider here:

  • What if she isn’t into you and you misread her signals?
  • How do you make sure you’re not creating an awkward situation at school/work or with friends?

There are several ways of dealing with this.

1. Invest less in your conversations

One way, that could lead to her disliking you though, is investing less in your conversations.

If she contacts you all the time and is very enthusiastic, simply reply less quickly and a bit more dry than you’d normally do.

She will notice she’s not getting the energy back that she is putting in and will most likely take the hint.

However, this could lead to her starting to dislike you, since you’re not being as kind as before.

2. Show her you’re interested in others

Another way that might work and prevents confrontation is this:

Show her that you’re interested in others. Talk to her about that girl you like. Talk to her about the dates you’re having.

Talk to her as if she’s one of the guys.

This works, although again it’s not the prettiest way of dealing with things.

3. Tell her how you feel

I know this is painful, but sometimes you just have to do it.

Again, you have to consider the possibility that she’s not actually into you. So you have to be careful how you bring it up.

To be sure how she feels, you could also ask some of her friends. They might give you more information.

You can text her something like:

Hey, maybe I’m wrong, but I have the sneaking suspicion that you like me a bit more than just friends. If so, I just want to let you know you’re great, but I don’t see you that way. If I’m wrong, well then you have a fun story to tell people now. 😉

This message is clear and at the same time leaves room for just a fun conversation if it turns out she isn’t into you.

What to do when she doesn’t want to let you go

An ex who keeps chasing you long after you broke up can be a big problem. Especially if she claims she ‘just wants to be friends.’

After all, an ex who continually tries to force a friendship wants something more.

So let’s suppose your ex does just want to be friends. Could you imagine seeing her and talking with her about the latest girl you went on a date with?

If so, cool. You can hang out and get closer to each other. Perhaps actually become friends.

But seeing as she was attracted to you once before, the odds of her liking you again are pretty high. Are you ready to break up with her again if she falls for you?

In my experience, breaking up with someone hurts. Not just the person I’m breaking up with, but it hurts me too.

Ending a relationship takes a toll. Why put yourself into that shitty position when you don’t need to?

There are plenty of other people you can be friends with. Why choose your ex?

So how do I recommend you respond to an ex who can’t take a hint?

Send her this:

Hey, I don’t think I can be friends with you because I know it’ll make us revisit feelings of the past.

As much as I love spending time with you, and as much as you make me smile and laugh, I don’t think it’s good for us to be in that position.

I need that space, and I’m only being so direct because I respect you.

If she keeps reaching out to you after that, block her. And move on.


That was most of what you need to know on how to reject a girl / date over text.

If you only just started dating and aren’t serious yet, you can reject her through text.

If you’re in a relationship, meet up and break things off face-to-face.

In both cases: be direct and honest, but try to not hurt her self-esteem too much. You should still be polite and empathic.

Louis Farfields

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