You had days of fun chatting online. Perhaps you’ve even had a great date or two.
But suddenly the worst happens.
You get ghosted.
And you have NO idea why.
That’s why I’m giving you 10 tips on how to respond to ghosting.In this article:More...
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What is ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone you’ve been texting or dating vanishes without warning. Like a ghost. Even when you reach out, you’re met with nothing but silence.
Why did she ghost me?
- She met someone else.
- She lost interest after you showed unattractive behavior.
- She’s upset with you.
- She doesn’t feel ready for dating or a relationship.
- She felt like you were toying with her.
1. Take a chill pill
Whether you’ve been ghosted after a few dates, or after dating someone for months, it always sucks.
You probably feel confused and angry.
And most of all, you want to know what you did wrong.
Which often leads to the biggest mistake imaginable.
Where you either beg for an explanation or send needy messages.
Although you’re entitled to an explanation, begging for her motive will also get you nowhere.
In fact, it’ll probably make her feel better about ghosting you.
And make her lose the last shred of attraction she feels for you.
So what do you do if you want to have a shot at talking with her again?
Take a chill pill.
Unless she tells you what’s going on, you have NO idea. So don’t assume anything.
People are busy.
And when life’s responsibilities are crashing down on you, people go into survival mode and forget everything else.
So give her time to respond and don’t assume anything.
2. Know where she’s at emotionally
Don’t send anything before you read this tip.
The internet reaches almost anywhere on earth, so you can safely assume she got your text.
But that doesn’t mean she’s read it. Even when you see all the checkmarks and read notifications.
So if you send her a text without knowing where she’s at emotionally, it may be the last text you ever send her again.
Because if you say the wrong thing, she might block you.
The opposite is also true.
If you know precisely what she’s going through, and send the text she craves, you’ll gain 10 sexy levels.
So first seek to understand.
Why is she ignoring you?
There are at least a dozen potential reasons why she’s ghosting you. And I’ve already written an article about it.
3. Focus on what you can control
The next insight may suck, but it’s the truth.
You may never know exactly why she ghosted you or what happened.
Beyond a certain point, playing Sherlock Holmes is nothing but a waste of energy and time.
So what is a good use of your energy?
The part of the ghosting puzzle that you can control.
As Stephen R. Covey long ago pointed out, the most successful people only focus on concerns that lie within their Circle of Influence.
A fancy word for, ‘things they can do something about’.
Although mister Covey is usually cited in circles of professional development.
His teachings can also be applied to dating.
Instead of looking at the girl for answers, you can look at yourself.
Go stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and ask “Is there anything I could have done better?”
Were you maybe:
- Too boring
- Too friendly
- Showing too much interest too quickly
Said differently, “Were you a fun and sexy guy she could admire?”
If not, you probably contributed to her ghosting you.
And if you don’t change your behavior, you’ll have the same effect on other women.
I’m not saying it’s all your fault. Point is, you need to ask yourself what you could have done better, even if the ghosting had nothing to do with you.
Not to get better results with that specific ghost girl, but to get better results with women in general.
If you never ask yourself what you could have done differently, you’re missing opportunities to grow.
And if you don’t grow, you may not be ready to attract your dream girl.
If you do ever text with your dream girl, it helps to be prepared.
Because at one point she’ll throw you a curveball that’ll have you staring at your phone, not knowing what to say.
Instead of agonizing over the perfect text, you can also steal the perfect text.
From me and my 10 Texts That Always Work.
– Whether you don’t know what to say
– If you’re looking for a fun answer to a boring question
– How to tease her
– Or how to ask her out in a non-awkward way
The 10 Texts will give you exactly what you need.
4. Stop obsessing about her
You sent her a text and are waiting for her reply.
One hour goes by.
Two hours.. three hours.
You continue with your day, but in the back of your mind you’re still anxiously waiting for her notification to pop up on your phone.
We’ve all been there, buddy.
Do you know what’s especially messed up about waiting for her text?
It won’t give you the peace you want.
Sure, her text will scare off the anxiety. But only for a moment.
With enough time, the anxiety will come running back to you.
And you’ll be clutching your phone while thinking, “Has she read my text? Does she still like me?”
So how do you effectively battle your text anxiety?
Distraction sure as heck doesn’t work.
You could be at a BBQ with your best bros and still be constantly checking your phone for new messages.
So you need something deeper.
You want to do something that’s meaningful for you RIGHT NOW.
Perhaps reading a book. Sharpening a skill. Learning a new marketable trade. Going to the gym.
It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it’s moving you closer to who you want to be and where you want to go.
If you pick the right activity, you can go from being depressed about someone not reaching out to you, to feeling really proud of yourself within 1 hour.
Which also gives you the best energy for when she eventually gets back to you.
5. How long should you wait to text your ghost?
One of the most controversial dating topics of all time.
How long should you wait before reaching out again?
Mainly on how you met and her texting pattern.
Depending on the circumstances, you may want to wait anywhere from 24 hours to a week.
To know exactly how long you should wait, check out my article on when she didn’t text back.
It breaks down all the different circumstances and tells you precisely how long you need to wait before sending her another text.
6. Get her enthusiastic about you
Every day, I receive emails about men’s biggest date frustrations.
And while they’re almost all worded differently, the frustration often boils down to:
“I just want her to put in the same level of effort as me!”
A perfectly reasonable request.
If you’re a guy.
Because after us guys see a girl’s (dating) photos and have a brief back and forth over chat, we feel pretty good about meeting up.
Women, however, often work differently.
Even if she matches you on a dating app, that does not mean she’s very invested.
Sure, you may be her type physically. But she also needs to know that you’re fun and safe to be around.
How do you do that?
My favorite is…
If you use your voice well, you’ll move out of the “Just another guy”-category to the “He just gets me”-category.
Even though you’re saying the same stuff as you did over text.
The big difference is, now she’s freeing up her schedule to see you.
For more on becoming the ‘right’ guy, check out my next article:
7. Prevent her from ghosting you
The two most common texting mistakes that lead to being ghosted are…
Being TOO HOT or TOO COLD.
What does that mean?
Let’s start with being too hot.
If you’re too hot, you’re focused on:
- Being sexual.
- Being overly interested.
- Being too available.
Even if she’s attracted to you physically, your excited puppy vibes will likely push her away.
Not because she doesn’t want to jump into bed with you.
But because she didn’t have to work for your affection.
So it feels cheap.
And if it feels cheap, it’s disposable.
What does too cold look like?
You can probably guess it:
- Being short and uninterested.
- Being unresponsive.
- Being closed off.
Most guys who go down the ‘cold’ route have been turned down too many times after being too interested.
And so they try to act cool.
But what they really look like are a-holes. And not the fun schlorping kind.
What’s the solution to being too hot or cold?
What does that look like?
If we keep it strictly to dating apps:
- Smiling on your photos (at least on 1 or 2 pics)
- Having photos of you with friends
- Genuine curiosity over text (stop asking about topics you don’t want to know the answer to)
- Sincere compliments (no fakery, and preferably on something that’s about her personality)
- Honesty (if she said something you really don’t like, tell her)
Why should you be warm?
Because it requires you to be:
And what do these traits do for her?
Make you stand out from all the other guys.
And more importantly, make you attractive. So that she’ll like you too much to ghost you.
8. Be warm but firm
When she ghosts, most men do one of two things. Both equally bad.
- They stay super happy and cheery while she pulls away and grows distant.
- They get butthurt and go REEEEEEEEE.
She doesn’t find either reaction attractive.
What does she find attractive?
When you show that she has to put in effort to keep you around.
Now she feels that she has to earn your love.
And that’s love worth keeping.
What does that look like in practice?
Suppose she replied 5 days after your last text and goes:
Notice the thing?
The guy in our example is being warm, but he’s not continuing the conversation.
He’s subtly saying, “It’s nice that you replied. But I need more from you if you want my attention. Have a good one.”
9. Don’t do this if she pulls away
You may be scaring her away with your attempts to gain her attention.
I hate to break it to you, but every one of those texts is doing nothing but cockblocking you.
Think about it.
What is she likely to say in the best case scenario?
If she’s pulling away, you need to send texts with a little more oomph.
So stay away from:
- Trivial facts about your life that put her to sleep.
- Common questions with predictable answers.
- A compliment to remind her how much you like her.
- Butt hurt cries for attention.
- An explanation for why she’s being so sketchy.
- A date proposal because you’re afraid to lose her.
If you ever catch yourself not knowing what to say.
Or if you notice girls take too long to respond, your texts are probably a bit lame.
An easy way to send an irresistible text is with clickbait.
If you’re quick, you can grab my irresistible clickbait line for free.
Not only does it include a line that almost always gets a reply…
You also get 2 follow-up lines to reel her in.
Plus, a video of me where I give actual examples.
10. Send the PERFECT text
If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve come to me TOO late.
You probably don’t want to know what to do if she ghosts you.
But what you should do if she ghosts you and you send her something insanely stupid.
It’s almost like being a diplomat who’s been asked to restore peace between two nations when one of them already launched an atomic bomb.
Sure, I may be able to help.
But it’s no guarantee I can straighten things out.
Let me give you an example of a once friendly text conversation that turned into a warzone.
But first some context.
She’s super hot and already flaked on you once before, because she forgot an appointment she already made.
She then apologized and agreed to a new date.
But 30 minutes before the new date starts, she texts you:
To which you replied:
Do you see where things went nuclear?
When you told her you were available on Friday and Saturday.
For a moment, forget about how hot she is and think about what she just did.
Although she flaked on you twice already, she can’t even let you know if she wants to meet you Friday or Saturday. Probably because she’s still figuring out if she has anything better to do!
That’s seriously ugly behavior.
And you’re allowing it.
Before I show you how to fix this apocalyptic wasteland, I’m about to show you how to PREVENT it with a hugely important dating tip:
Meet her where she is.
If she takes 1 step forward, you take 1 step forward. But what you never do is take an extra step forward.
When the girl from the example asked if you had time to meet up, that was not a cue to hand over your schedule.
Especially not the two most valuable social days of the week: Friday and Saturday.
When she read your reply, she knew she didn’t need to put in any work to see you.
So how would you fix this situation?
By pulling back a little:
The ‘def’ and smiley let her know that you’re positive and up for seeing her.
But more importantly, that text will show her you can say no and will force her to put in more effort.
11. Give her a call
One of the quickest ways to remind her of how cool you are is…
…a phone call.
Sadly, culture has forced many of us into teenagers who think speaking over the phone is weird.
Despite that weirdness, there are 3 simple ways to get her on the phone with you.
- Use windows of opportunity. If she asks you a question that’s too difficult to answer over text, arrange for a phone call.
- Put texting in a bad light. If you’ve been texting without any real action, let her know. “Anymore texts and we’ll become pen pals. Let’s do a call.”
- Be spontaneous. Just call her out of the blue.
Once you’ve talked on the phone, she’ll probably feel that calling you is pretty normal and fun.
You know what’s also pretty fun?
This gift I’m about to bestow upon you.
I know that when you get ghosted, it’s difficult to take your mind off her. Because for some warped reason, our minds need closure.
Although I can’t give you closure, I can give you the second-best thing.
I’m not into the human trafficking business.
But I can give you a tool that points out all the weaknesses in your online dating profile, and how to fix them.
That way you can get an irresistible profile and attract lots of women.
So you don’t have to think about the one girl who ghosted you.
What’s that tool?
The Dating Profile Checklist.
And don't forget your download below ;)