7 Techniques to Arouse a Woman Over Text (+ Screenshots)

You want to know how to arouse a woman over text.

And in this article I will tell you exactly how to do it in a safe, respectful, but masculine way.

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1. Understand masculine attraction

Christian Grey (from the book 50 Shades of Grey) is the absolute king of arousing women.

He’s a SM millionaire who wants to explore every inch of an average-looking woman’s body. And in pursuit of his goal, he stays mysterious, plays psychological games, and displays hyper dominant behavior.

All that behavior flies against the typical male understanding of the female mind.

Think about it. Christian Grey’s behavior is the complete opposite of men who get friendzoned.

  • He isn’t overly respectful.
  • He isn’t too interested in her life.
  • He isn’t looking at her like she’s an innocent princess.
  • He doesn’t touch her like she’s as fragile as 5,000-year-old cup of porcelain.

Most men will look at these behaviors and think he’s an aggressive terror to women.

However, the book sold over 15 million copies. So there is a lesson to be learned here.

Now I hear you thinking:

“Ok, Louis, does that mean I have to be a SM-dominant billionaire to arouse women?”

No, you don’t. In fact, this tip is not even about Christian Grey at all.

The point that most men miss, is that 50 Shades of Grey was the fastest-selling book of ALL TIME… because it aroused women like no other book has done before.

What made the book so arousing is the basis of this article. Because if you understand the secret to 50 Shades Of Grey, you know the secret to arousing women over text.

Let’s see what that key ingredient to arousal is, in the next tip.

2. Turn her on slowly by creating context

In this tip I’m giving you the main ingredient to arouse women over text.

And you’ll start to get an idea of how to change your own text messages.

If you read 50 Shades of Grey, you might notice that in the first HUNDRED pages… there’s not even a kiss!

And even though there hasn’t even been a kiss, women are pretty aroused by this point.

That is because biologically there is a COLOSSAL difference between what turns on men and women.

Us simple men… yes, that’s you and I, are programmed by nature to respond sexually to the visual.

However, it takes far more than seeing naked men to arouse a woman.

Maybe you’ve been naked next to your girlfriend in the bathroom. You’re both brushing your teeth, getting ready for the day. You can’t help but get turned on from seeing her naked body.

While she has no difficulty just brushing her teeth while thinking about her schedule. Women rarely get aroused simply by looking at a guy.

Then what DOES arouse her?

An effective way to arouse women is… CONTEXT.

What I mean by context is all the little details that are involved with the relationship between you and the girl.

In 50 Shades Of Grey the first 100 pages are spent on setting the mood before the two main characters kissed.

Men’s arousal is like a light switch. You flick it once and *FLASH* there’s light!

Women’s arousal is more like a bonfire. You can’t simply set a tree on fire.

You first have to create a spark, then catch the spark with some straw, and slowly grow the fire with twigs, sticks, and logs.

Do you skip a step by going from straw to logs? Then you risk putting the fire out.

To summarize, women need to slowly go through all the motions before she’s ready for the final act.

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3. Find her unique sexual triggers

Some women DO get aroused by visual triggers… But there are few things that arouse all women.

You might notice a trend on apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and so on: Women stating they are sapiosexual. (Being attracted to intelligence.)

Look at this screenshot example of Coach Dan:

He does a whole lot more than just showing intelligence, but showing intelligence is the main ingredient here.

Historical references, total turn on

A total turn-on for this woman, while it does nothing for another woman.

It’s YOUR job to be on the lookout for what turns her on.

  • Is she the type to appreciate a suggestive photo?
  • Or does she prefer a clever comment?
  • Does picturing a massage by candlelight turn her on?
  • Or does she become attracted when you give her a dominant remark?

Every woman has her own preferences.

But there’s one thing that almost always works wonders: Making ambiguous statements.

Things that are easily interpreted as sexual, but are not directly sexual. (Examples of ambiguous statements later in this article!)

There’s tons of men making direct sexual remarks and all of them are cockblocking themselves. Which is great news for you and I, because it makes us stand out.

4. Mock yourself, the sexual way

This technique will show her you are clever and funny, while building sexual tension through text.

If you’ve read some of my articles or watched some of my videos, then you already know: Self-deprecating humor is what I breathe.

Not only do I find it hella amusing… girls find it hella amusing as well.

Not only does it work with any subject… it works extra fine when talking about sexual things.

Now before this becomes too vague, let’s look at a screenshot example.

On Bumble, women always send the first text. (Or if your profile sucks they don’t send a first text, and your match evaporates.)

Hi there 😀

What’re you doing in Bangkok

A pretty standard Bumble opener.

This TextGod disciple’s reply?

Just exploring my suppressed fay feelings with ladyboys, you?

Woops. The conversation just became sexual.

Although n0 pressure was put on the girl and nothing was said about her. And I’m pretty sure she giggled a little when receiving this text.

That’s hot

She says. And the conversation is off to a great start.

5. Use ambiguous statements to arouse her over text

My personal favorite way to build sexual tension via text. Ambiguous statements. Saying things that could have more than one meaning.

Like when a friend passes you a French baguette and you go:

Omg wow. Your baguette is so big. Can I try it?

And then both you and your friend start laughing because you made a penis joke.

Let’s look at a screenshot example when I was abroad. Together with my team, we were visiting Riga, the capital of Latvia.

A Tinder match of mine was being very sweet and helpful. She took it upon herself to give me some touristic tips. This is what she said:

Sweet stuff, if the weather permits you should check out St. Peter’s church. You can go to the top and see the whole city.

Not the type of text that sets you up with much to arouse your woman over text, right?

Only it does. Almost every text ever sent can be used to mentally arouse someone. All it takes is some playful word magic.

Do you see where it gets a double meaning? If you don’t, no worries. She didn’t either. It’s right here:

Is this a tip for tip exchange

Referring to the internet joke: “Just the tip.”

If you notice you’re a bit TOO ambiguous, then you can always make it clearer in the next texts:

I am 100% aware that my jokes are on the level that you can only get away with when doing standup. Or in private conversations with your friends who have similar styles of humor. Or even on a dating app, where the other person can unmatch you at the click of a button should she feel uncomfortable.

Either way, she enjoyed the jokes:

Ohmygod, top ten things a nanny shouldn’t laugh at

You’re killing me

I shoot her one more text back on the subject and then swap it to something else.

Your ambiguous statements will only be fun and effective if you don’t overdo them.

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Texts that my team and I use regularly, and more importantly, successfully.

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6. Make a direct sexual statement followed up with a joke

Want to escalate your conversation faster? Arouse her quicker and don’t mind potentially screwing up?

Then you could try to “whip” it out and then pretend you didn’t whip it out.

Metaphorically speaking, of course. Over text, this would mean that you say something very direct… and then just move on with the conversation like nothing happened.

Getting too vague? Time for a screenshot example then!

Couple things to note here. Firstly, when she asks:

What is a hot nerd like you looking for on Tinder? 😉

Her calling me a hot nerd, refers to my Tinder bio. Something I’m not going to reveal right here.

When she asks this question, she expects an answer like this:

I’m looking for something serious


I’m just here for a week so…


Really hoping to find the meaning of life. And if that’s too much to ask then maybe just the secret coordinates to a location with a chest full of gold.

What she doesn’t expect is this:

Small boobs with cute nipples

Oh and a great personality of course

That’s part of the reason why I get away with this. Another reason is that I say this with an abundance mindset. I don’t care if the conversation goes south.

I don’t want to talk with someone that finds this too extreme. We’d never get along.

But here’s the thing. When you’re making a direct sexual statement like that, you want to follow it up with a joke.

Oh and a great personality of course

Don’t do it without style, because if you just start talking about sex when no one is talking about it… When no one asks about it… Then you’re going to come across as a mega creep REAL fast.

But when you put it out there and continue the conversation, you’re showing that you’re aware what you did isn’t normal.

Which instantly makes it less intimidating.

7. Build trust

For her to open up and go with your sexual tone… maybe even send some spicy pics… she needs some level of trust.

She needs to know that you’re a normal guy, not a creep or weirdo.

And the more sexual you want things to get, the more trust she needs to go with it.

So earn her trust, and keep her trust.

This means:

  • Show social intuition: you understand how women work, what is okay to communicate and what is not.
  • Have some normal (but fun) talks as well.
  • Sense how she feels through her texts and react accordingly.

Mistakes when trying to turn women on over text

No article is complete without learning from other’s mistakes. So let’s not waste any more time and quickly learn from 3 guys doing it wrong.

Mistake 1: Keep doing what she doesn’t like

I mean… There’s no explanation needed, is there?

If you notice someone doesn’t like what you’re saying/doing, then stop doing it.


Mistake 2: Being to indirect


If you read the tips in this article, then you know sexualizing indirectly is often key.

But there’s limits. This guy is obviously asking the girl he is texting to be friends with benefits.

He is not actually asking if she knows anyone to be his FWB. He’s just lacking the balls to ask her directly.

So he takes the biggest detour ever… and instead of building sexual tension over text, he makes the conversation incredibly weird.

What would have been a better way to see if she’s up for it? By reacting to one of her texts with an ambiguous statement.

And then seeing how she reacts to it. Or he could, just like she says, just try Tinder and other dating apps like Bumble.

Mistake 3: Don’t go sexual to fast

Wanna get drunk, eat pizza and let me touch your butt?

Never send a sexual opener. Men who want to arouse a woman over text but don’t have the patience to do it right, won’t get results.

I’ve got to give it to the guy for his follow-up text though. And to the girl for laughing at the whole situation rather than being butthurt.


The most important thing to remember when you want to arouse a woman through text is this: women’s sexual arousal works differently than men’s.

Use context, subtlety, and ambiguity to warm her up gently. Don’t go direct and don’t send pics that she didn’t ask for.

Enjoy yourself and have a blast.

Just make sure it stays fun.

That being said,

I hope you have a better idea of how to arouse women through text.

I’ll see you around!

Louis Farfields


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