How to DM a Girl on Socials: 7 Best Ways (+Examples)

You want to reach out to a girl on Instagram. But you don’t want to mess it up and blow your chances.

Perfect. Because this article will show you precisely how to DM a girl on Instagram and get her excited enough to send you a reply.

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With the following tips, you’ll be able to send girls DMs that end in dates.

Is it okay to slide into DMs of someone you don’t know?


Messaging girls you’re into is a completely normal part of modern dating. Whether you know her a bit, or you’ve never met, a DM (Direct Message) is perfectly acceptable. Of course, just like other dating and messaging apps, there are good and bad ways to send a message.

I’ll show you how to DM girls successfully. And how to eventually get a date from it.

1. Have an appealing profile (The FAT-Method)

The first reason so many dudes fail with DMs is this.

Many guys neglect to make their Instagram profiles interesting.

It’s not just about being good-looking. Or showing you’re livin’ la vida loca.

You need to communicate 3 things, which we call the FAT-Method:

  • Fun: That you’re living an exciting life. Basically, cool out of the house stuff and everyday things with a fun twist.
  • Attractive: That you put effort into your appearance and lifestyle. Looks put together.
  • Trustworthy: That you’re friendly and trustworthy. Surround yourself with friends, family and furry doggos.

And to make sure your profile is as fire as possible, I’ve included my dating profile checklist. Download it to make sure ladies will like your profile.

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2. Follow her

Following her is massively important and probably not for the reasons you think.

Firstly, it introduces her to you. Yes, you’re still a stranger. But at least she’s aware of your existence.

Plus, and this is the real big one, it gives you the opportunity to get a feeling of what type of person she is. What she’s into, what are her values, and anything she’s working on right now.

This means: follow and observe before DMing.

The better you know what she’s into and proud of, the better your first message will be.

More on how to craft a perfect first message later.

3. Engage with her profile

Here’s how to make a good first impression.

Engage with her profile before sending a DM..

Many guys don’t engage with girls’ profiles before sending a DM. And this is a mistake.

Why? She doesn’t know who the heck you are. And women, just as us, tend to be friendlier to people they know.

So make yourself known by liking and commenting on her photos.

  • Like photos that don’t just revolve around her appearance.
  • Stick to more recent photos (no stalker vibes).
  • Three likes per week max. Again, no stalker vibes.

The better she knows you, the more likely she’ll reply and be curious about you.

It’s a no brainer.

4. Wait for the right moment

The reason so many DMs don’t succeed is this. Most guys don’t send DMs at the right time.

You can, of course, slide into a girls’ DMs at any time. And it can work.

But… it’ll feel more organic and spontaneous if you respond to her latest Instagram story (or Snap if she’s on another platform).

Let me show you what I mean by asking you a question.

What feels better? Randomly sending her a text with a random icebreaker, or sending her a message that perfectly ties into her latest story where she went hiking in the mountains?

Obviously the mountain text.

Replying to her story also has the added bonus of a higher response rate.


She’s excited to hear your feedback after she put effort into her content!

Responding to fresh content is your best bet.

WARNING: stay away from content that’s just about her looks. Every Average Andy is drooling her bikini pics and making the most lewd comments known to man.

You don’t want to be associated with them.

5. DM her with a relevant and stimulating text

Here’s how to make it 69% more likely she’ll reply.

Choose the right subject for your DM.

People in lab coats actually research this. And my own humble but wildly big brain  confirms similar findings:

  • No compliments on her appearance (It’ll make it seem like you’re just looking for sex).
  • No everyday boring ice breakers (How are you? How’s it going? BOOOORING).
  • No puppy dog vibes (Lots of emojis & overly cautious vibes).

So how do you make a DM that ticks all the right boxes?

Pay attention to her profile and posts.

A girl who visited the same national park as you?

I also hiked there recently! It was really challenging and fun

Until a 7-year-old girl holding a beheaded Barbie passed me by :/

This shows you’re aware of what she likes. That you like similar things. And that you’re funny.

6. Go slow and steady

Without the next tip, all the other advice is useless.

Take it slow.

Many guys can’t contain their excitement when random cute girls answer their DMs. They get addicted to the rush and try to get as many replies as they can.

But just because she replies doesn’t mean you want to text her all day everyday.

Think about it.

Unless you already know each other, she has no stake in the relationship between the two of you. So texting too much, too fast will make you seem a little needy and desperate.

What’s the right way to text her?

Invest as much in the conversation as her after you build some initial momentum.

So if she quickly responds to your DM, don’t respond with America’s Greatest Novel. Try to engage her as much as possible by giving a little extra, and when she starts giving lengthier responses, match what she gives you.

7. Make her excited to meet you

The tip that will get her to give you her number.

It’s easy to lose yourself in the conversation. But the goal isn’t to have a pen pal, it’s to meet up!

What’s the best way to get to that stage?

Flirting, of course!

There are countless ways to flirt. Here are a few easy ways to use right away.

When she likes one of your photos:

You liked one of my pics

I guess what you’re trying to say is, let’s get married

When she says something you disagree with:

You don’t like humus? Wow

Is there an unmatch button on this thing?

For more flirty lines, check out this article:

The 10 texts that will get her hooked

It’s normal to have moments where you don’t know what to say.

That’s why I compiled a series of texts that I’ve been using with success for years.

Now you can use those texts and get the same results as me.

Grab my 10 texts that always work here. Your DMs will thank me.

Louis Farfields

And don't forget your download below ;)

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