So you met a girl that you like and you want to contact her…
The only question on your mind right now is: how to text a girl for the first time?
In this article, you’ll get everything you need to make sure she responds to your text. So the two of you have a flirty conversation that ends in a date.In this article:More...
How to text a girl for the first time – 5 Tips
1. Assume she remembers
Most guys sabotage themselves with the first text. In part, because they’re following harmful advice from ‘expert’ online dating coaches.
Ready for the destructive icebreaker? Here it comes:
What makes this message such a turn-off for women? Think about it. This is the subtext:
“Hey, this is Joe, you’ve probably already forgotten me, that happens to me all the time. I assume I’m just not that memorable of a person, so let me check in with you first, before I actually send a fun message. Please text back :)”
Suggesting you’re an unremarkable person isn’t exactly attractive. So don’t reintroduce yourself.
Assume you made such a good impression that she’s looking forward to hearing back from you.
Did she happen to forget? Then you can always remind her later.
You’ll know if you created a good first text if it looks like a message she would get from a friend.
Important: Quickly letting you know I found the best opener EVER. Its psychologically irresistible to ignore. I made a video explaining how to use it and it's 'clickbait-principle' with screenshot examples. Check it out here.
2. Remind her of the connection
Here’s how to text a girl for the first time that she can’t resist.
Make her think back to your special connection.
A lot of guys, however, make the mistake of trying to rebuild the connection from scratch. Sending her messages like:
- “Did you get home safely?”
- “What’s up? It’s Marcus.”
- “How was the rest of your night?”
Texts like these are likely to trigger a lukewarm response. But you want to trigger a “HELL YEAH!” response.
And one of the best ways to do that is by reminding her of the special moments you’ve already had together. Either online or in real life.
After all, that’s the time that she liked you enough to exchange numbers with you.
So use that to your advantage. Here are some examples:
- “What’s up, bowling queen? I hope you’re not still mad at losing to me and my pink ball.”
- “My clothes still reek of cotton candy lol. Anyway, I wish you and your 3 air fans a good night’s sleep.”
- “Was fun hanging out today. Enjoy chilling at home in your jeans, you maniac. ✨✨”
It’s best to think back to your memories to come up with good material. But if you need some inspiration, check this next article of mine:
3. Be the same person
If you’re going to text a girl for the first time, you need to do this:
Send her a message that sounds like it came from you.
That might sound a little weird. But many dudes look to impress girls and end up copy-pasting lines from the internet that make them look like a completely different person.
So always try to write a text that matches her idea of you.
If you weren’t particularly funny in real life, don’t try to be a comedian over text. Did you have a chill, friendly conversation? Don’t send a message like you’re James Bond.
She’ll notice the incongruence. And it’ll turn her off because it seems ‘wrong’.
4. Keep it snappy
Sending a girl a series of first texts is totally fine. As long as it doesn’t take longer to read than the Lord of the Rings saga.
A wall of text can easily overwhelm her. It makes it hard to decide what she should and shouldn’t reply to.
Plus, it also seems like you’re desperate for her attention. And that’s never a good look.
So play it cool and send two lines at most.
5. Use clickbait
If you’re wondering how to text a girl for the first time, then you’ll love me for what I’m about to give you.
A text she can’t resist.
It’s incredibly simple, but that doesn’t make it any less effective. Here it comes:
- “Hey, Rosa. Do you know what I liked most about meeting you?”
She’ll be CRAZY curious and ask you what that might be. Your reply is the crucial part. Send the right message and she’ll like you even more.
I usually go with one of two routes: a slight tease or a compliment. You can find my exact lines and a video of my explaining them, right here for free.
That way you’ll trigger all sorts of fun feelings inside of her. And if you can make her feel stuff, then science (as well as my own experience) says she can develop feelings for you.
When to text a girl for the first time
Barney Stinson has ruined many men’s lives with his 3-day-rule.
But I’d say you’re making a mistake of biblical proportions if you wait three days before you send her the first text.
If you just met, it’s in your best interest to reach out as soon as possible. That keeps the emotional momentum going.
If I met her in real life, I’m big on texting her while she’s standing right next to me. It’s a great opportunity to show off your wit.
Here are some of my favorite lines to use in this situation:
- “My god, that man next to you is gorgeous.”
- “I can’t believe we’re talking on two platforms at the same time already. This is intense.”
Can she speak another language? Then ask her to teach you one or two everyday sentences. As you’re practicing together, record your awful attempts in a voice memo and send them to her right away.
When she listens to those voice messages later, she’ll instantly be brought back to how it felt to meet you. Good times.
How to keep the conversation going after the first text – 5 Tips
1. Maintain emotional momentum
Here’s a great way to keep her invested in you after the first text.
Don’t play hard to get.
Here’s where most men mess up, they believe replying too fast comes across as needy. So they make her wait.
But if it takes her hours to hear back from you, you’ll never build up emotional momentum. Because when it takes half a day, all the excitement she felt from your previous message has largely vanished.
At the start of your courtship, you want to keep your text exchanges relatively fast. Yes, you can make her wait a few hours here and there. But I also recommend you have a few constant back-and-forths of about 10 -15 minutes each.
After a few of those exchanges, she’ll start to like you. And that’s when you can slow down your messages.
As long as you don’t forget to meet up in real life too.
2. Use other people’s content
If the conversation is crawling down to a halt, the solution is simple. Give her a juicy shot of laughter and giggles.
I’m a fan of the next technique.
Then follow up your text with a hilarious meme, video, or cute fluffy critter.
Most people, and especially women, can’t resist a young fluffer like this. It’s the ultimate emotional hack.
Try it for yourself.
For more tips on keeping a Tinder conversation going, check out my article.
3. Keep it light-hearted
If you don’t follow up your icebreaker in the right way, it doesn’t matter how good your first text was.
Where does it typically go wrong?
Guys send her predictable or deep questions that are better suited for face-to-face conversation.
Talking about where she lives and how many siblings she has is perfectly okay in person. But it’s a death sentence over text.
Your goal over text is to make her excited to meet up with you. And one of the best ways to achieve that is by keeping things fun and light.
In other words, use banter.
Let me give you some examples.
- When she said something that surprised you: “You don’t like chocolate milk?? Wow I didn’t know I was talking to a savage”.
- When she uses a swear: “Hey be careful now! My mom reads my messages”.
- When she compliments you: “O, behave. Not until we’re married.”
4. Be a real person
It’s natural to want to impress someone you’re interested in. But that quickly leads to putting on an act.
If you ever catch yourself being overly agreeable, putting in tons of effort, and seeking constant validation, it’s time to hit the breaks. Because you’re playing a character.
And if she has any social intelligence, which most women do, she’ll recognize it and be turned off.
So try your best to be yourself.
Don’t overthink every move, don’t be afraid to share your opinions, and don’t always try to be liked.
If you can trust that you’re fun and attractive, so will she.
5. End on an open-ended question
If you follow the tips from this article, you’ll have incredibly fun and playful conversations.
Conversations that most women will love. But don’t make the mistake of thinking you should only send hilarious and flirty texts.
Be sure to keep things chill too.
Did you just send a series of emotional texts? Then it can be good to follow up with a casual question:
- “How’s your day been so far?”
- “How’s Anne doing today?”
- “What are you going to have for dinner?”
Now you’re showing that the bar for good conversation is pretty low. That lets her relax and makes her want to talk to you at any time.
If all you do is have super witty and clever convos, then she might feel a little intimidated. Replying to your texts then more easily feels like homework.
So be sure to make it easy for her to get back to you.
How to set up the date after the first text
It’s never a good idea to text back and forth for too long. It might feel fun, but you won’t know if there’ll be fireworks until you actually meet up in person.
So all the messages you send her should ultimately contribute to your ultimate goal: getting her interested in seeing you face to face.
That’s why you want to ask her out when she’s on an emotional high.
Recognizing she’s having a good time is pretty easy. Is she replying fast, asking questions, and spamming emojis and “LOL”s? Then she’s most likely down to meet you.
Here’s an easy way to ask her out:
- “You’re pretty fun. Let’s see if you can keep up the banter in person too. 😉 What’s your schedule looking like next week Thursday and Friday?”
If she’s into it, establish the exact time and location too.
Just be sure to hold onto the same or similar texting habits as before. It’s weird to go completely silent after planning the date. It’ll make her think that you don’t want to see her after all.
For more tips, check out the next article:
How to text a girl for the first time – Summary
When reaching out to a girl for the first time, don’t reintroduce yourself. Instead, assume you made a positive impression and remind her of your connection.
Once she’s happy to hear from you, it’s important to match your texting style to your personality and stay authentic.
Keep your initial texts concise and maintain emotional momentum with frequent light-hearted banter. And when things start to feel a little over the top, be sure to ask simple, everyday questions to encourage simple conversation.
Obviously, there will be times when you won’t know what to say. That’s normal and totally okay.
Especially, if you have my 10 texts that always work. You can use them in all sorts of situations to get your conversation back on track and towards the date.
Find my free 10 texts by clicking the big button below. If you press it now, you’ll also get my most powerful texting technique to get her addicted to your texts, called the Personality Slice.
Try it out for yourself.
And don't forget your download below ;)