Negging: What It Is & Does it Actually Work?!

Is negging an effective way to seduce someone?

I’ll give away the answer in this article, plus I’ll give you 7 similar flirting techniques that can win over anyone.

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What is negging?

‘Negging’ is a term from the pick-up artist community that refers to knocking down someone’s confidence with a flirtatious but ultimately negative comment.

By playfully deflating the other person’s ego, the ‘negger’ hopes the recipient will look for their approval. This puts the negger in a position of power and potentially makes them more attractive.

That’s the idea anyway.

Negging examples

  • “Wow, you’ve got the most amazing eyes. Surely you’re wearing contacts.”
  • “You’re not like other girls, they’re usually so materialistic.”
  • “Almost no one can pull off that look, but you’re almost nailing it.”
  • “I don’t typically like artistic girls like you, but you’re pretty cool.”
  • “I would have never thought you were this smart by looking at you.”

As you can probably tell, these lines are compliments that contain (subtle) insults and criticisms. Its undermining tone is what makes a neg offensive. And ultimately, not a great tool for seduction.

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Does negging work?

Negging is a questionable flirting strategy.

Although it can initially lead to some success in the form of attention, negging tends to hurt the connection in the long-term.

After all, the concept of the technique revolves around backhanded compliments or subtle negative remarks that break down someone’s self-worth.

So how would that make you more attractive to someone?

  1. Intrigue. Subtly offending someone can make them curious about where your views are coming from.
  2. Confidence. Being a little mean demands that you’re not afraid to speak your mind. That’s an attractive quality.
  3. Value. A person who’s critical of others is sub-communicating that they have high standards. This can compel some people to prove themselves.

When does negging have the highest chance of working?

When the person you’re talking to has low self-esteem and/or a high desire for the approval of others.

Anyone who has a healthy dose of confidence, however, will almost certainly be turned off by negging. Especially if they see that negging is something you enjoy.

So you don’t want to keep negging in your flirting toolkit. You’ll only attract the wrong kinds of people.

How is negging different from teasing?

If you know this, you’ll never accidentally insult someone with a neg again.

Although negging and teasing sometimes seem alike, they’re usually quite different. Both are technically ways to flirt, but the key difference lies in the intentions.

  • Negging is about tactfully lowering another person’s self-esteem so that they’ll come to you to fix their tarnished image. That’s why the recipient of a neg ends up feeling a little bad about themselves.
  • Teasing is about provoking a playful reaction while keeping the other person’s feelings in mind. That’s why the recipient of a tease tends to feel energized.

In sum, negging aims to create an imbalance in power, while teasing is generally meant to be fun and affectionate.

Negging breaks connection and teasing builds connection.

Here’s an example that shows how fine the line between the two can be:

  • Neg: “That’s a great shirt! Did you get it at the dollar store? ;)”
    Tease: “That’s a great shirt! It would look better on me though. ;)”

See the difference? If not, here’s another example.

  • Neg: “You’re almost as funny as my ex.”
    Tease: “Oh you think you’re funny hey? Ok fine, I’ll admit, deep down that made me giggle. But just a tiny bit!”

There are better ways to flirt that don’t involve negging.

Below I’ll give you my favorite 7, but if you can’t wait that long then watch my video below on some secret flirting techniques.

7 Better flirting alternatives to negging

Negging is about knocking down someone’s self-worth so that the other person will come to you to build it back up.

It’s trying to create a power imbalance. And… it’s just kinda mean.

But flirting is about creating a playful and friendly exchange of remarks that makes both people feel good. It brings them together.

Here are 7 flirting techniques that are far better at creating attraction than negging.

1. Teasing

If you could only have one flirting technique to seduce someone, this is it.


It’s the backbone of flirting. In essence, it’s playfully exchanging kind-natured jokes to strengthen your bond.

That’s still pretty vague, so let me give you more direction.

Every good tease does three things:

  • It’s lighthearted. It’s done for fun rather than to insult someone.
  • It’s challenging. A tease is designed to trigger a playful reaction in someone.
  • It evokes emotion. The more emotion it evokes, the more closeness it creates.

So what does a tease look like? Here are some examples you can steal and use in your conversations.

  • “I love how you splurge ketchup over your fries. Clearly a fan of Jackson Pollock”.
  • “I see you’re crazy about horror movies. That doesn’t intimidate me at all 🫣🫣”.
  • “Nice flower power poster. I can smell the patchouli from here.”

2. Compliment her correctly

Handing out compliments can easily backfire. Here’s how you do it right.

Make your compliment personal.

Complimenting someone can be really flirtatious, but it’s MUCH less effective when you just compliment their looks.

This might sound a little confusing. Who doesn’t want to hear that they look good?

But looks are only skin deep. And much of it is genetic rather than something someone picked or had to work for.

Typically, people enjoy receiving compliments that reward things they’re in control of. Such as their sense of humor, their achievements, or their style.

This really gives the other person the feeling they’re appreciated. And isn’t that what we’re all after?

So compliment her personality, her actions, or something she had to put effort into. It’ll make her feel more special and desired.

Here are three examples of flirty compliments.

  • ”I’m not sure what it is, but being around you makes me feel really comfortable.”
  • ”Wow, your drawings are really cool! I feel like I’m talking to the female version of Da Vinci, right now.”
  • ”Haha, your responses always make me laugh, you’re hilarious.”

For more, check out the next article.

3. Roleplay as a couple

Here’s an easy way to get a girl crushing on you.

Pretend you’re already dating.

By pretending you’re already dating, you can skip the “getting to know you phase” and quickly work on building a stronger connection.

Only suggest you’re a couple when you’re already hitting it off and it’s obvious you’re not actually dating though. The fact that it’s all make-believe is what makes it so flirtatious.

After all, you haven’t even met up yet and you’re already behaving like you’re long-lost lovers.

Some examples to give you a better idea of what I mean:

  • [When she’s being a little distant] “I know we’ve been married for over 7 years, but it still hurts when you don’t ask about my day 😿😿.”
  • [When she teases you a little hard] “Wowwww. Okay, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
  • [After you exchanged numbers] ”I’m going to save you in my phone as “[Her Name] wife #8, just so I never forget you. 🥰.”

4. Misinterpretation

This might be the easiest way to flirt while teasing and sexualizing all at once.


Misinterpreting her texts into something more playful.

We always want our conversations to be fun and playful. But we’re obviously not in charge of the other person’s replies.

So if the person we’re texting gets a little dull, we can still make things flirty by misinterpreting their message.

Such as by pretending they’re hitting on us, or talking about something slightly sexual which they probably didn’t intend.

Here’s an example from Coach Justin. For context, they’re talking about snacks.

Oh LAWD, if there’s any golden opportunity to misinterpret something sexual, this is it. Let’s see what happens next.

The peach emoji is notorious for being the ‘nice butt’ emoji.

So here we went from talking about snacks and fruit to smexy badonadonks. Naturally, the convo turned a bit more steamy and playful.

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Click here to find out more about making girls addicted to your texts.

5. Use language that creates desire

A hugely underrated part of flirting over text, but incredibly important.

Use language that creates desire.

Seduction is all about making a woman’s brain connect you with all things sexual. And there’s no better way to do that than to use language that’s a little erotic.

That will prevent her from seeing you as a texting buddy.

And make no mistake, if she likes you, she doesn’t want you to think of her as your pen pal either. She wants to be recognized as a woman with adult needs.

And there’s no better way to do that than by showing you desire her.

So once you know she’s interested, make her feel hot, bothered, sexy, and lusted after.

Women love this when you do it correctly.

  • ”You know, I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now…but that picture with you in the slim black dress makes you look intoxicating to look at. It’s the perfect mix of classy and sexy.”
  • “You’re a nurse AND covered in tattoos? I love me a girl who can do both. Yummm.”
  • “I actually really like how you canceled your weekend plans to recharge your batteries. Self care is sexy.”

IMPORTANT: Don’t overdo this, or you’ll seem desperate and creepy. You only need a little bit of spice to make the dish tasty.

6. Strong eye contact

Want to know what makes James Bond so damn sexy?

It’s his flirtatious eye contact.

Sure, he also looks good in a tux and has some witty one liners oozing in debauchery. But it’s his eye contact that makes his Bond girls melt for him.

Strong eye contact does a lot of amazing things. It shows that you’re confident. It can express your desire. And if you’re a little more experienced with using your facial muscles, it’s also a great way to express your cheeky side.

So the next time you’re on a date, have a moment or two where you look at her with a piercing gaze and a slight smirk. Watch how the mood shifts.

7. Touch

Here’s how you can easily make a girl like you without negging her.

Subtly touch her.

Physical intimacy is what separates you from her guy friends. That’s why it’s crucial to touch her a little. It nonverbally communicates your intentions.

The right touch says, “I find you attractive.” And if she likes you back, your touch will create fireworks.

But be mindful! Caressing the hand of a woman you just met will just freak her out. She doesn’t want to be sensually touched by a stranger. Even if he’s cute.

That’s why you want to start slow and build up the level of intimacy.

There are typically 4 levels of touch:

  • Polite touch. Such as shaking hands.
  • Social touch. Lightly touching someone on the arm, or occasionally touching knees as you’re sitting next to each other.
  • Interested touch. Gently holding her hand as you’re examining her jewelry or briefly guiding her through a door by putting your hand on the small of her back.
  • Intimate touch. Interlocking your arms as you’re walking, putting your arm around her shoulders, kissing, and more.

As you can tell, each form of touch communicates different intentions. And many of them are dependent on your culture.

But the point still stands, use touch as a way to flirt and create desire. And slowly build your way up to the more intimate touches.

IMPORTANT: Whenever you get the sense someone doesn’t like your hands on them—like by tightening up or stepping back—then instantly stop. Maybe even playfully comment, “Oops, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m just a very handsy person.” And then move on.

Negging – Summary

So does Negging have a place in your flirting arsenal?

Heck no.

Negging is about making someone feel a little insecure about themselves. And although this might make them want to prove themselves to you, there are far better alternatives to flirt with someone.

Flirting is all about having playful conversations that create a sense of togetherness. Even if flirting is often rooted in playfully breaking the connection, it’s always done to grow closer to each other. Never to insult or hurt someone.

Sadly, many of us still get flirting wrong. Instead of it being fun, we sometimes go a little too hard and upset someone. And in the process, torpedo all the attraction our crush feels for us.

To prevent this from happening, I created my 10 Texts That Always Work. Now you don’t need to hope your flirty line will work. You KNOW it works.

Click the big link below to get them in your inbox. Act now and I’ll also give you my Personality Slice technique to get her addicted to your texts.


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