Someone you know and like is having a rough time.
And you want to cheer them up.
That’s why you’re about to get 12 ways to make someone feel better over text.
- The most important part of being supportive over text
- #1: Guessing the right emotion
- #2: Feel the weight of the situation
- #3: Offer to talk on the phone
- #4: Keep it easy going
- #5: Share something constructive
- #6: Make them smile
- #7: Ask what’s on their mind right now
- #8: Ask what you can do
- #9: Some situations are unfixable
- #10: Let them decide how much to share
- #11: The best way to make someone feel better over text
- #12: Help them get into action mode
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The most important part of being supportive over text
If someone you know is feeling pretty shitty, you don’t want to send them the first thing that pops into your head.
Because that first thought is usually: fix the problem away.
But rushing to remedy the problem can be very damaging.
Especially without the tone and body language you’d express in a real life conversation.
The key to making someone feel better via text isn’t helping them look at the bright side or putting on your Fix-It hat.
The key to making someone feel better is:
In other words: showing that their emotions are valid and understandable.
Even if their situation stays the same, showing support by trying to understand their situation will often make someone feel better.
Most methods we’ll discuss in today’s article revolve around this idea of validation.
#1: Guessing the right emotion
Despite the situation, your friend is probably experiencing one emotion more than the rest.
Guessing what emotion that person is feeling is extraordinarily powerful.
Sure, you can guess wrong. But that’s not a problem. After all, emotions are complex and many are similar.
More importantly, guessing someone’s feelings shows that you’re paying attention and trying to understand them.
Was your hunch totally off?
No worries. Your friend will most likely clarify what’s actually going on and happily continue the conversation because they’re being listened to.
#2: Feel the weight of the situation
Another excellent way to show you understand the severity of the situation is by attaching the issue to the bigger picture.
Just compare these two situations:
- Someone had to close down their restaurant after a year.
- Someone had quit their job and used all their savings to start a restaurant, betting their entire future on the success of their new business. Only to lose it all.
One situation has a history and the other does not.
Showing that you know the history behind the ordeal shows that you truly understand the weight of the situation.
By linking your friend’s event to the bigger picture, your text will be elevated from: ‘routine check-in’ to ‘caring message from a true friend’.
#3: Offer to talk on the phone
One of the most thoughtful and easy ways to reach out to a friend in the dumps is to offer to talk over the phone.
Why is a phone call so good at making someone feel better?
Because it shows you’re willing to invest your time and attention in the other person.
A text is low-effort.
You can type one up in a few seconds while you shove a Quarter Pounder down your gullet.
But a phone call shows you’re willing to hit pause on your life and put your energy into improving the life of someone else.
Your concern is legit.
#4: Keep it easy going
Checking in on someone is really thoughtful and will make them feel cared for.
But it’s not without its downsides.
After telling you what they’re going through, they may feel obligated to keep you updated.
And they already have enough on their plate right now.
So whenever you sense someone is going through a rough time, let them know they don’t have to tell you anything they don’t want to.
#5: Share something constructive
When someone’s going through a rough patch, we intuitively want to share our own similar experience as if to say:
“I know what you’re going through.”
But this actually invalidates your friend’s experience. Because your situation was most likely very different in some way.
Rather than look at your own similar experiences, look for the perspective of an expert.
IMPORTANT: Be sure it’s actually a good article before sending it to them. If you think it may belittle their experience in some way, keep it to yourself and find something better.
#6: Make them smile
Although laughter is (sort of) the best medicine, make sure your friend is at a place where they’re ready for laughter.
Sending them a meme right after they lost all their savings to a bad Bitcoin investment is just bad taste.
So wait for them to process the bad events a little.
Once the DEFCON 1 phase has gone by, you can send them something funny.
IMPORTANT: Do your best to find a meme, clip or TikTok that matches your friend’s sense of humor.
For more on how to make someone smile, check out my next video:
#7: Ask what’s on their mind right now
Sometimes it’s not clear what type of support a friend who’s down on his or her luck needs.
In these times you can wager a guess and send them a card or some flowers.
Which won’t hurt.
But if you really want to be the best friend you can be, ask what’s on their mind.
That way you have the greatest chance of making them feel better.
Never forget: no one is the same in how they deal with hardships.
#8: Ask what you can do
If your friend is really in a dire situation, just offering them a shoulder to lean on may not be enough.
They may need something more practical.
Suppose they just lost their job and they can’t afford to put their kid in daycare.
Perhaps what that person could use most in this situation is a babysitter. Right?
So if someone you know is going through something life-changing, ask them what they need.
If you have a better idea of their situation, try offering a suggestion.
#9: Some situations are unfixable
Some situations are unfixable.
- A break up
- Losing your apartment
- The death of a loved one
In these situations, there’s really not much to fix.
And that’s okay. But you can make them feel better over text.
The best you can do in these situations is show them their feelings are valid.
Does it fix anything?
But it does make them feel cared for and it can also boost their confidence.
#10: Let them decide how much to share
Everyone is different.
Some people feel better by sharing every little detail they can.
While others feel like a burden by only hinting at their own emotional instability.
So when trying to make someone feel better over text, don’t force a therapy session.
Instead, let them decide on what’s healthy to share.
It’s them who ultimately have the power to fix their situation.
So let them decide on the approach.
#11: The best way to make someone feel better over text
The scariest part of going through a tough time is feeling like you’re going through it alone.
Even if no one really understands your situation, having people know you’re at least going through a situation already makes things much easier.
So if someone is going through a scenario so unique and crazy that you find it hard to wrap your head around, tell them this:
#12: Help them get into action mode
I left this tip for last because it’s the most controversial.
Sometimes a person’s bad mood stems from a very old or relatively insignificant event.
And they either can’t let old pain go, or they’re making mountains out of molehills.
Even worse, they’re too busy feeling bad to get out of their funk.
If that’s the case, you actually DON’T want to validate their feelings because then you’ll likely give them the idea their victim mentality is fine.
Instead of hearing your friend out, you want to get them into action mode.
These texts keep your friend from drowning in their self-made sorrows and propels them forward.
These were the 12 ways to make someone feel better over text.
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For more tips, check out these articles:
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