Whether you met her online or in real life, you’re past the small talk.
And this is where it gets dangerous.
Because this is where conversations come to die, unless…
You get into the groove and hit it off.
Which is why today’s article is all about how to build rapport over texts.
- 7 copy-pastable texts you can steal to build rapport RIGHT NOW
- The simplest rapport-building trick you can instantly use in ALL your conversations
- How to skip small talk and create chemistry (+ EXAMPLE)
- An easy way to avoid breaks in your text conversations
- My favorite over the top tease that ALWAYS gets good replies (not sure how long I’ll keep it online)
By the way, do you sometimes get stuck in online conversations? Very frustrating... but there is a simple solution. I created a bonus named The 10 Texts That Always Work, including my favorite text to send when I have gotten her number, an easy message to get her out on a date, and some witty lines to get the conversation going. Download it, it's completely free and easy to use.
After you reach the end of this article, you’ll know exactly what to do once you exhaust every ounce of chit-chat, and how to build a connection via text.
#1: The simplest way to build rapport over text
One thing that ALWAYS works to create rapport is this…
Matching and mirroring.
Put simply, when people get together and hit it off, they become like each other. They mirror each other.
Can you figure out why that happens?
Let me give you a hint in the form of a question: people like people who are like whom?
People who are like how they’d like to be.
What does all this mean?
If you want to create good vibes and a sense of connection, you mirror the person in front of you.
- You use the same tone of voice
- You use the same body language
- You even match the other person’s breathing pattern
“But Louis, we don’t have any of that over text.”
Correct, my astute reader.
That’s why you stay close to their way of texting. To create a sense of chemistry, it helps to mimic the next three things:
- Message length
- Complexity of words (don’t use ten-dollar words if she’s talking like a character from Sesame Street)
- Sense of humor (if your puns have her rolling with laughter, she probably won’t appreciate your joke about Ben Dover and Mike Hunt.)
Do you plan on using mirroring in person? Don’t make it obvious.
If your date becomes aware that you’re actively copying their movements, there’s a good chance you’ll destroy their trust in you.
Also, don’t mirror negative body language.
If someone is angry, yelling back at them will only make their mood worse.
Obviously, mirroring requires that you’re already texting a little.
If getting the convo started is something you struggle with, this article of mine will make it easy:
On to the second tip!
#2: Build connection by dropping small talk and going first
I understand your pain.
You matched with a bunch of cuties on a dating app and want to get to know them.
But instead you’re lost in a tangle of chit-chat.
Stale questions that you’ve asked a hundred times too many, and that you probably don’t even want to know the answer to.
So what do you do?
Well, first understand that you can’t skip small talk entirely.
Matching with a cutie on a dating app and diving right into the deep end is a failing strategy. While asking meaningful questions can work, most people don’t feel comfortable sharing personal facts about themselves with strangers.
To build connection, you first have to break the ice.
If you’re getting tired of your usual material, I have plenty of other fun topics you can talk about over text.
So what do you do once the ice is broken?
Take the lead.
Suppose you want to talk with your match or crush about exercise.
You could ask her:
Or… you take the lead and go:
It’s playful, challenging, and will likely get her to open up about her exercise routine. Although I’m not sure if you can trust her answer.
If she’s a silly as you, she’ll fabricate something equally dumb and hilarious.
But the point still stands:
If you want to know something about her, don’t ask questions, go first.
Is the conversation too young to go deep? Keep it playful.
Her answer likely won’t be entirely true, but it will build rapport.
Do you think enough trust and familiarity has been built to share something meaningful? Go first and be sincere.
When someone is sincere and not holding back, most people want to share something equally sincere and personal about themselves.
#3: Hit it off by switching subjects
Here’s the mistake most people make when it comes to making conversation over text.
They get onto a conversational thread.
Which is fun at first, but as you follow it all the way down, down, down, and down…
You find the thread’s end. Now, there’s nothing left to say on that subject.
Even worse still, because you only talked about ONE topic, it feels very awkward to move onto a different topic.
Why does it feel awkward?
Because you talked so long about that one fun subject, you have no clue what else your conversation partner enjoys.
Now there’s a lull. And if you don’t choose your next topic carefully, you may kill the convo.
How do you keep the good vibes going?
You start different conversational threads at the same time.
Suppose you’re talking about holidays.
She’ll likely reply and perhaps even ask you a follow-up question.
That’s a trap. Don’t fall for it.
If you answer her question, you’re sticking to the conversational thread again.
Note: Exchanging a few texts about one topic is fine. But don’t feel compelled to stick to it.
What would I like you to do if she asks you a follow-up question?
You link to another topic.
And off you go.
I know you’re a gentleman, but don’t feel obliged to stick to topics the other person brings forward.
Especially if they’re also struggling to build rapport.
If you notice the convo is getting bogged down by jibber jabber, it’s YOUR job to transition into something fun and interesting.
Sound like a task you’re not up to?
I hereby promote you anyway. Here’s an article that will tell you exactly what to do:
And ladies, no worries, guys like those topics too.
The beauty of setting up multiple topics, is that you can always come back to one later.
Which can be especially smart to do if she keeps hammering on about it.
Long story short, start several topics at once.
#4: How to build rapport with laughter
Which holds some truth. But let’s not get carried away.
I don’t think anyone would like a hospital to send in a clown after you’re wheeled in with a broken arm. “Just six more weeks of gags and tripping over my feet, and you’ll be as good as new.”
Awful intros aside, humor is a fantastic way to build rapport.
But it can be challenging, if not feel HELLA hard, because all you have is the written word.
That’s why I made you a video on how to make a girl laugh over text.
In a couple minutes, you’ll know all you need to make her crack a rib from laughter.
#5: How to create chemistry with anyone over text
It’s not a secret, but for some reason, nobody talks about it:
Most people are boring conversationalists.
So odds are, you are too.
But no worries, m’bro. Unlike the rest of the buzzkills, you’re here trying to learn.
And in a moment, you’ll be the life of every party.
Now, where were we? Right. Most people have the demeanor of a funeral attendant.
So the ability to make people laugh is almost like being a superhero.
Everyone wants to be around you.
So what are some of the ways to create chemistry over text?
#6: Create togetherness
As I’m trying to come up with a good teasing example, I’m instantly brought back to my surfing trip in Portugal.
I’d met this girl in real life and we were a couple minutes into the conversation when I said, “Have you ever been to Belgium?”
And without blinking she said, “No.” And as if she’d just insulted my mother she quickly followed up with, “Wait, WAIT! I have, I’m sorry! I forgot! I FORGOT!”
Now, she wasn’t screaming because she thought I was deaf.
She was screaming because she saw me go from attentive and interested to disgusted and outraged.
Before she was even done speaking, I went, “YOU FORGOT MY HOMELAND!!!! WHAT THE HELL!”
And she loved it.
She was hiding her face in her hands and was all giggles.
The point I want you to take away from this?
If she ever does or says something you disapprove of, don’t let her get away with it, tease her for it!
Here’s an easy over the top tease:
Or one of my VERY favorites that I really don’t want to give away….
But I will just because I love you so much.
Here’s the scenario:
(Here it comes, I hope you’re ready…)
#7: Get on the same wavelength by being playfully absurd
Playfulness is KEY to flirting.
And is almost always forgotten.
No surprise why. Most people, especially men, think that the goal of any conversation is to exchange information.
But if you like the person you’re talking to, the goal of the conversation is to IMPROVE the vibes.
Let me show you an example of a girl who was teasing me once she found out I was from Belgium.
She was still typing, because I saw this.
So I quickly typed in an absurd playful text:
Next, I saw how she deleted her text and typed something new:
She was clearly joking the first time.
And because I joined in on the joke and raised the funny vibes, she had a blast.
Which brings me to my next point.
#8: Create an environment where it’s safe to be flirty and sexual
One thing I always notice with my students from the TextGod Mentoring Program, is how their Tinder and Bumble matches are super flirty.
You guys make me so proud.
Important: These girls didn’t start out flirty. They became flirty after seeing how my students made it comfortable to be flirty.
How did my students make it comfortable to be flirty?
By working sex into the conversation in a subtle, non-creepy way.
No worries, I’ll give you more guidance than that.
Probably the safest way to sprinkle some sexuality into the conversation is by…
Let me show you what I mean.
For example you’ve set up a date through Tinder and it’s pouring outside:
The beauty about sexual misinterpretation?
It gives her the opportunity to continue talking about naughty subjects.
If she doesn’t want to talk about it, she can just laugh it off and go down a different route.
Sexual misinterpretation is super fun and really effective at building rapport.
But don’t fall into the trap of…
Don’t stay on sexual topics for too long. Especially if she’s not particularly digging it.
Otherwise, you risk being a bit of a creep and you’ll turn her off.
Now it’s time you develop a crucial skill.
#9: Get comfortable with bad situations
No matter how good you are, you will eventually send a text that’ll rub someone the wrong way.
- Either you didn’t properly calibrate your joke or tease
- The person on the other end is having a bad day
- Or your joke happens to remind her of a super shitty time in her life
Knowing that insulting someone is a matter of time, you better prepare yourself.
“Louis, no offense. But how will this help build rapport over text?”
Because being able to save yourself from a bad situation also creates a bond.
It’s almost like dismantling a bomb together.
How do you come back after accidentally offending someone?
You apologize and switch the topic.
You apologize (kinda). You play the ‘stud’ card. And then you diss yourself with a GIF that also lightens the mood.
Armed with all these tips, you should have no trouble building rapport over text.
But we’re not done yet.
I have two more gifts for you.
The 10 Texts That Always Work.
Whether you’re lost for words, want an easy way to make her laugh, or set up the date without looking desperate, the 10 Texts have got your back.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd I have for you the best opener of all time. Although the hippie who told me that also said time was a man-made concept that didn’t exist, so….
Hippie burns aside, I legit have the best copy-pastable opener for you. Plus, two follow-up lines to reel her in after she replies.
Check it out by hitting the big gold button below.
For more tips, check out these articles:
And don't forget your download below ;)