You’ve developed an interest in one of your colleagues.
And you’d like to tell them how you feel. Or at least find out if they like you back.
Because you’re about to discover everything you need about texting a coworker you like.
- The unadulterated truth on dating a coworker: good or bad?
- #1 Way to text your workplace crush without being appropriate (steal my line)
- When you absolutely should NOT text your colleague (#1 fuckup)
- 19 Ways to tell if someone from the workplace likes you over text
- What to do if your office crush is married or in a relationship
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Is dating a coworker inappropriate?
A 2017 Stanford study shows some interesting data.
More than 15% of people in a relationship found their partner at work or via their work relations.
But does that mean work is a good place to meet people?
No. If you ask me, that’s like smoking in a gunpowder factory.
But for the sake of fairness, let me address some of the pros and cons of dating someone at work.
- Because you see each other so often, you know your colleagues aren’t nuts. Everyone is relatively reliable and trustworthy
- Thanks to the environment, you know how your coworkers handle pressure and deal with conflict. Which is great to know before you decide to date someone
- You can easily build rapport with someone without having to break up your routine
Now for the cons.
- Even if you work at a big company with 100+ people, you’re choosing from a limited pool. Which skews your perception. If everyone is boring and average looking, it doesn’t take much for someone to look like Wonder Woman
- If you’re dating someone at work and it goes wrong, you’ll be seeing that person 5 days per week. Which is not only uncomfortable, it could lead to awkward and even dangerous situations that threaten your livelihood. Depending on the circumstances, you could lose your job.
To return to the Stanford study: just because people meet through work doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
If anything, it shows that some people don’t get out of the house very much.
Don’t care about the negatives of dating someone in the workplace?
Let’s move onto the next tip and discuss how to text your colleagues.
Is texting a coworker inappropriate?
In most companies, dating someone in the workplace is a big no no.
But not always.
So before you do anything, I recommend you read up on your company’s policy on office romance.
By checking your organization’s rules and policies on romance, you’ll know for sure if texting a coworker is inappropriate.
That said, sometimes love and all those gooey emotions just appear.
And when you feel all warm and tingly inside, it’s only natural to want to reach out to the person that’s giving you these feelings (even though it’s against office policy).
But before you reach out, you MUST do one thing first.
Befriend the coworker that you’re falling for.
If you’re crushing on her from afar, sending her a text out of the blue will definitely be inappropriate.
Not just from a professional point of view, but from HER point of view. After all, she won’t enjoy getting a text from ‘the work guy who always hangs out at the coffee machine’.
So the first thing you want to do is build an emotional connection with your colleague. That way she’s far more likely to enjoy getting your non-professional texts.
Only once you have a (flirty) friendship going can you consider sending your coworker a text.
Need some help on building an emotional connection with your workplace crush? Check out my next article (it’s about texting, but the principles apply to real life too):
Figuring out if your workplace crush has put you in the friendzone
What you feel as romantic and/or sexual arousal, she may see as strictly friendship.
Which sucks, but it could be worse.
You could open your heart and soul to her and get rejected. Resulting in some super awkward office meetings.
To avoid all that, it’s smart to know if you’re in the friend zone or not.
How do you find out?
With the 6 tips about the friendzone in this 4-minute video of mine:
Are you still not sure if you’re in the friendzone?
I’ve got a way for you to find out in the next tip.
Best way to text a colleague after work hours
Do this before you send your coworker a text and sabotage your career:
Have a good rapport going with the person you fancy from work.
Without a good rapport, your text will only feel strange and will likely create awkwardness in the office.
Only if the two of you DO get along well, then you can send her an after work text.
So where do you start?
I recommend inviting her to a social gathering with other co-workers.
“But Louis, how is that romantic?”
Before you even get close to dating, I strongly advise you get to know your crush outside of work and see if she’s truly a fit for you.
So test the waters first.
If she’s busy she may take a raincheck. But it’s highly likely she’ll show up for a gathering eventually.
And when she does, pay close attention if she’s giving you any signs of interest.
Perhaps form a team for a friendly pool tournament or pub quiz, so that you’re forced to spend time together.
Is she single and do the two of you really hit it off?
Send her this text the same evening:
The beauty of this text?
- It’s complimentary
- You’re showing that you’re aware of the risks involved of dating someone in the workplace
- You’re not trying to force anything by telling her it’s okay to reject you
- You’re clear in your intentions. It’s about exploring chemistry, not a casual hook up
Which reminds me, if you just want to jump into bed with your colleague, forget it.
Sex is not worth the potential risk of losing your job.
If a steamy evening in the bedroom is all you’re after, you can easily find lots of other options outside of the workplace.
Onto the next tip.
Is it okay to text and pursue a colleague who’s married?
Even if a work relationship goes south, losing your job isn’t the worst thing in the world.
There’s always another job.
But love is surprisingly difficult to find.
If you’ve found an amazing, soulful connection with someone you work with, that person is probably worth pursuing. Unless…
…that person is married!
Someone wearing a wedding ring is committed to another relationship and can’t give you the attention you deserve.
Even if that person says they love you, the odds are against you. When push comes to shove, it’s most likely that a married person will pick their spouse and family over you.
The only time you stand a real chance of winning a married person over is when they’re in a toxic marriage and don’t have children. And even then I’d recommend you to keep your distance until the divorce has been filed.
Aren’t you at the stage of love yet?
Don’t let it come that far in the first place.
A ring on someone’s finger is a sign that you should keep your relationship strictly professional.
Don’t mess with other people’s relationships. It’s not your business.
How to tell if a coworker is interested through text
Wanting to know if a colleague likes you over text is already a red flag.
You shouldn’t be looking for signs of interest over text. You should be looking for signs of interest in real life.
After all, real life chemistry is the only type of chemistry that counts.
Suppose you choose to go on a date with a colleague because you saw she liked you over text. But then find out you actually have very little in common.
Now you have to break off the romantic pursuit.
And if she’s in love with you, you may have just jeopardized your career for no good reason.
So don’t choose to go out with a colleague just based on your text convos.
Before you decide to take the plunge, wait until you feel fireworks in real life.
That said, it’s still good to know if she likes you over text.
That knowledge can help you from ruining the rapport you built up by accidentally talking about stuff she seriously dislikes.
The three signs that really show me if a girl likes me are the following:
- She replies quickly to my texts
- She tells me things without having been asked
- She asks me questions
If you can spot these signs in your convos, it’s likely that she’s into you.
For 19 more signs on how to recognize if someone likes you over text, check out this article:
How to get over a coworker
Dating in the workplace is relatively common because it’s natural to fall for someone you see 40+ hours a week.
But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Worse still, even if you think you’ve found the One at your work doesn’t mean it’s true.
More likely you’re settling for the coolest person in your small social circle.
To know your love is real, or to get over a coworker who you can’t have, you want to meet new people.
And you don’t do that by getting three new jobs.
No, you have far better ways to meet new people.
- Making new friends who can introduce you to their friends and acquaintances
- Joining a class or club where you can slowly get to know someone (like yoga for dudes, or martial arts for women)
- Meeting people online! If you’re new to dating apps, here’s the Ultimate Beginner’s Guide To Tinder.
So expand and diversify your life rather than making it smaller.
Otherwise you’ll end up being the person who says they can never find anyone good enough besides your ex.
To help make your online dating journey a success I have two gifts for you.
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